by Vidyamala Burch, Co-Author, Mindfulness for Women
Some of you reading this may already know my story or perhaps be aware of the work of Breathworks so perhaps you know that my journey with mindfulness has mainly focussed on health, stress and illness. Then why have I made such a departure from my main focus and written about mindfulness for women?
There are many reasons, inspirations and histories behind Mindfulness for Women. In addition, my own experiences and relationships with other women, have taught me that we have our issues and strengths that are particular to our sex and this book is an attempt to explore that terrain and to show how mindfulness can help all of us in our lives.
I have been inspired by the women in my life – my wonderful and gutsy grandmother, my numerous leggy and confident aunts, my mother and my three amazing sisters, to the key friendships formed in my all-girls high school and the women’s Buddhist communities that I have been involved with for decades and that are still going strong today.
I have met women who have achieved incredible things; I am not talking about just careers or outward achievements but women who in incredibly difficult circumstances, whether illness, pain or situations, have through mindfulness managed to create a satisfying and joyful life for themselves and this is why I am deeply passionate about women being able to use mindfulness to fulfil their potential.
I think it is important that women know that one of the most exciting things about mindfulness is how it can help any of us, anywhere, at any time in our lives. It can not only make things more manageable now but it can help you navigate the often dramatically changing roles and identities that all women inevitably encounter as the years pass.
Growing up, girls are not always given the same faith in themselves and their opinions as boys and even the strongest foundations can be undermined by the way we are encouraged to shout loudest, compete ferociously and elbow our way to success, when inside we are often still oh-so-fragile and at odds with the confident persona expected of us. The sense of calm and stillness that mindfulness brings about helps you develop an inner compass where you are in charge of your life, rather than feeling like a helpless victim of circumstances.
The chance to shine in your choice of career or lifestyle is a welcome facet of the modern world. An appropriate work–life blend is essential to wellbeing and mindfulness can help you identify and prioritise the things you most cherish, so that you can keep your perspective and a strong sense of self, despite a very busy work or home life.
Whether it’s in your twenties, thirties or forties, when you may add the roles of partner and mother to the already very complex – albeit fun – business of living – time (or the lack of it!) can really start to define your life. The joy of parenthood can also be a wonderful opportunity for mindfulness. You can learn how to be fully present for your kids – really there emotionally and mentally.
Of course, in the so-called sandwich generation, many women have their own parents to look after too, with their parent’s failing health and increasing dependence changing their identity from daughter to carer. Again, mindfulness can help you stay ‘present’ to all these differing demands and help you love and care from a place of kindness and gratitude, while continuing to ‘deliver’ at work and at home.
Even the previously quiet haven of ‘old age’ no longer exists. Instead of a time for rest and reflection, the age at which many people used to retire has become an increasingly dynamic period (and hardly retiring!). Mindfulness, awareness, kindness and acceptance are all key to being truly comfortable in your own skin, whatever your physical state. Mindfulness has been shown again and again to increase inner wellbeing, even in those suffering from chronic health conditions.
My wish is for women from all walks of life to read the book and discover that inner peace is only a breath away; to find self-belief and to stand tall as they go about their lives. Most of all, my wish is that we recognise how we are continually shaping the world with our thoughts and actions and that, with the help of mindfulness, we can become positive agents of change and transformation in the world.
To quote from the end of Mindfulness for Women:
‘Now is the moment when the ‘you’ in the previous eleven chapters becomes ‘us’. Collectively, and connectedly, we can believe in ourselves. We can choose to close our ears to messages in the world that tell us to stay small, that we are less than others, that we are the ‘weaker sex’. Instead, we can raise our gaze and know that we, each in our own individual way, can act to help ourselves and our family and friends, and beyond them the rest of the world. As you revisit all the exercises in this book, you will train your mind and heart so you become less reactive and more loving. Less timid and more courageous. Less fearful and more confident. You will become bold and strong’.
Mindfulness for Women is available from the www.mindfulness4women.com website.
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I am grateful to learn of your book, and that you chose to focus your energy on helping women to develop mindfulness. I am a little surprised at the last word in the last sentence: “You will become bold and strong’.”
While many women worldwide are trained to be passive, not to assert ourselves, never to be bold because a bold woman is “shrill, selfish, demanding, … [so many labels]”, I don’t think in all my nearly 68 years I have met a single woman who wasn’t strong. No matter what else we are–timid sometimes, shy sometimes, aggressive sometimes, fearful many times–women are strong.
Without strength, we could not endure the unending societal pressure to see ourselves as second-class citizens, unworthy of fairness and parity in a patriarchal world. Nor could we move forward, day after day, making food, washing dishes, taking care of the children, going to work, coming home, starting over again. Not that all women do all these things, but that all of us do some of these things, and many of us do all of them and so much more.
I don’t intend to take umbrage with your beautiful book, nor with your teaching. I give gratitude for it. It is just this one word I question, the idea that we will become strong. Even the woman who feels as though she has no strength left is strong. Recognizing that in ourselves is one of the most important things we can do on our mindful path.
Thank you for your work and your teaching.
Hi Kathryn
Thanks so much for taking the time to comment on my blog. I appreciate your query of the word ‘will’ in the last statement and think you are quite right to query it! I never meant to suggest you would become strong with the implication you were weak before. I probably should have said you will become strong-er but of course it doesn’t have quite the same ring to it from a literary point of view. But, I agree, many women are already incredibly strong and my book is also a celebration of that truth. Thanks again.
What a wonderful blog by Vidyamala Burch, Co-Author, Mindfulness for Women – I have just received my copy of this book and am looking forward to reading it even more.
Hi kellie
That’s great to hear. If you have read it, and like it (!) would you consider doing a review on amazon.co.uk? It makes a real difference to sales to have positive reviews. https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/0349408513/ref=cm_cr_ryp_prd_ttl_sol_0