The Importance of Speaking The Truth

by Natalie Edwards

In such a busy world, the importance of speaking the truth has never been more meaningful.

As human beings, we are so bombarded by gossip, loud noise and messages about how we should be living our lives, it’s no wonder many of us become overwhelmed and get confused about what we really want to say to each other.

I was never a very good communicator when I was younger. I was a shy child and I remember feeling things more deeply than I remember being confident about what I was trying to articulate. I was much better at being expressive through music, dance or letting films transport me to another world. But talking? Saying what I really thought? That was never something that came easily for me. I would prefer to sit on the side-lines for fear of offending someone or looking stupid, but for the most part, I just didn’t think my opinion was valid.

Once I began to bring my awareness to the concept of speaking the truth to those around me, at first it was terrifying. Telling people what I really thought? Was that even allowed?

What does speaking our truth really mean?

Well for me, it means speaking mindfully, with authenticity, compassion, and speaking from our hearts, and pioneering yoga teacher Ana Forrest was the first person to introduce me to this way of communicating.

Ana taught me how to come back to a more truthful way of speaking and living. During her teacher trainings, she teaches students how to connect with their hearts and speak from that area of the body rather than from the head. During morning practices, she instructed us to place our hands on our hearts and breathe into them. It sounds like a simple exercise, but I’d never done this before and those first few moments of doing that were very emotional for me, since it brought my attention to just how much I’d ignored my heart and never really listened to what it had been trying to tell me. We also took part in soul-baring talking circles where we had to hold the end of a feathered stick against our hearts and then talk to the group. I could often feel my heart beating through the stick and in the first few days of our training, I was unable to connect to this practice because I was still feeling extremely fearful.

Something I’ve learnt is that there is no room for fear to be present when we are speaking the truth, whether we are speaking in public to a large group or to someone we love, because if we are fully present, giving and breathing deeply, our fear will melt away. If we’re still feeling nervous, anxious or afraid, it means we are still letting our heads do the talking, and more often than not, that voice is saying “I wonder what everyone is thinking of me right now, I wonder how they think I’m doing.”

Holding onto the fear of judgement means you are not fully participating in giving 100% of your authentic self to those listening, and you’re probably not speaking your absolute truth.

How can we begin to practice speaking mindfully and truthfully more often?

Something I’ve noticed when people I work with first get to grips with this concept, is that they begin to verbally gush as they get more comfortable with stopping and taking a breath before they speak. When you realise the world is a much more beautiful place to live in when you speak your truth and start connecting to what makes you feel passionate, there is a tendency to suddenly say everything that you have kept locked away all of those years. This is where we can practice being assertive and rather than editing what we are saying, we only need to say what is important and truthful for us. I dealt with a lot of anger I didn’t know I had a few years ago and because I’m a passionate person but was feeling insecure, my tendency was to lash out and become very defensive whenever something didn’t work out, especially with those close to me. But a huge thing I’ve learnt is that we are a mirror to those around us and how we behave and react will be reflected straight back to us. So as we become more mindful of our actions and speaking in a kind way, people we love will too, and our relationships will improve. So the next time you go to reply to a comment or you can feel an argument coming on if something hasn’t worked out, ask yourself if instead, a period of silence is needed. Ask yourself if what you want to say needs to be said at all.

Because one way we can make sure we’re only saying what we need to say is by being quiet more often.

If we think before we speak and if we step back and give our words space to resonate, we create the safe space for others to be with us and open up more.

Although many of us are afraid of silence and have spent our lives thinking that we need to fill it with words, speaking less and therefore more authentically and honestly makes us better listeners. We have all been brought up with the concept of polite small talk, but a lot of the time, this way of communicating is meaningless and dull. It’s the interesting questions and conversations that connect with us on a deeper, more personal level that stick in our minds. For instance, how often have you caught yourself asking someone how they are doing in order to fill a silence in a conversational way, yet you know deep down you don’t really want to know the full story of how they are. When you find yourself asking a question because you feel you need to, stop and ponder whether anything needs to be said at all.

Another common scenario in the way we communicate with one another is to agree to things just to keep someone else happy, or hold space for a friend to moan when really what you’d like to tell them is the truth about how much their moaning or gossiping is affecting you. When we hold back from saying what we really want to say to another person, we let them take our energy and the relationship can begin to feel heavy and resentful. Expressing how you feel in an assertive and kind way is essential, and that person will respect you more for doing so.

The easy option in this world is to join in with the gossip, scandal, moaning and negativity, but the people who say what everyone else is thinking and cut through the noise in a direct but mindful way are the people that everyone listens to, that everyone respects, and are the shape-shifters for how we can develop our connection with each other in an ever-changing technological world.

I love helping people, it’s what I do and in the past I was always the friend to do everything for everyone, but learning the art of speaking the truth has helped me set manageable boundaries and has allowed me to ascertain who I want to spend time with in my life and which relationships perhaps aren’t going to serve me. In the past I would listen and entertain negativity amongst my relationships and it would completely drain me. Now, if I can see that someone is struggling or moaning, I’m more forward in my communication but in a way that helps them reframe their situation. So I might say “Do you mind if I speak truthfully to you for a moment?” And when their response is yes since everyone respects someone who isn’t afraid to tell the truth, I reply and ask them if they have considered looking at the situation in a different way because it doesn’t seem what they are currently doing is working for them.

When you go to speak, whether in reply to someone who is testing your patience or simply just to a friend who probably needs your help, take a moment to connect with your heart so your thoughts and words come from a more caring place, and then ask yourself these questions:

Is what I’m about to reply with kind?
Is what I’m about to say to this person necessary?
Is what I’m about to tell them going to help them?
Is it the truth?

We don’t have to perform in life, we just need to be ourselves, and speaking from the heart has power, so much so that I now believe it to be our most valuable and useful life tool.

I found learning to speak from my heart a difficult art to master, because there’s no doubt in this world that the truth can be scary and not everyone always wants to hear it, especially when it involves a painful conversation. However, when the alternative is to endure a situation you’re not happy with, speak from a place of fear, or lie, all of which will leave you mentally and emotionally exhausted, speaking from your place of truth suddenly seems a brighter option doesn’t it?

Maybe there is a truth that you have wanted to share for a long time. What you think others already know, they may not, and what you think no one else needs to hear because it’s silly or irrelevant but is something you’re passionate about, is what needs to be shared with the world. In the same vein, the way you feel about someone else may well be the exact way they are feeling about you, so tell them how you are feeling and communicate it with love and kindness. Maybe there is a person in your life who could benefit from hearing the truth but you’ve been holding back from saying what you think when they’ve asked you for your advice and it’s been eating you up. Take a moment to put yourself in their shoes. Wouldn’t you want your good friend to tell you the truth if your behaviour had been making them feel negative?

Your dreams, your heart’s desires, the truth of what you really want in life, and everything you are holding back from expressing to those around you, all needs to be realised. If it isn’t, your heart is going to break from regret and from the heaviness that comes from not speaking your truth, and that is a pain that none of us should have to bear. So I invite you to play with the practice of speaking the truth and notice how freeing it feels to communicate in an honest way. Notice how much less you dwell on situations because you know you’ve said what you needed to say. Learning to speak the truth in the present means regret won’t get a chance to be part of your future.

Natalie Edwards is a Life Coach & Freedom Expert – www.natedwards.co.uk