Rick Hanson’s 9 Words to Guide Our Mindfulness Practice

By Kellie Edwards

It was the last thing Rick said before he closed our evening together. And it really got my attention. Nine Words to Deepen Our Mindfulness Practice – and indeed our lives.

As he shared each of his nine guideposts he encouraged us not only to explore them in our own lives but to come up with our own. What would yours be?

Rick was here to teach his Positive Neuroplasticity Training, a guide to building a strong, happy and healthy brain, which I had done previously in Sydney and was now being offered in my home town of Melbourne. It sits alongside his Foundations of Well-Being Program available online around the world and it was such a privilege and great pleasure to welcome Rick Hanson and hear his teachings on life, love and all that we can do to experience greater well-being and happiness.

So what were his 9 words? Take a look.

1: Surrendered – Moving with the flow of life rather than squeezing tight and becoming constricted around what is.

If this was the only word he shared I would have a lifetime of opportunity to work with it. In small ways, I come up against this invitation on a daily basis as a mother: moments when I am becoming constricted around ‘what is’. My children aren’t getting ready for school quickly enough, my husband is late coming home from work, my car has surprisingly little fuel when I want to get to school on time, I hear sibling squabbles coming from the next room. I can physically feel the difference between flowing with these ups and downs and becoming tight and wishing they were another way.

Suffering.

And if I surrender, moving with it rather than resisting, the tension is gone. I was practicing this last night at 2am when my daughter crawled into bed beside me and went to sleep again much faster than I did.

It doesn’t mean I won’t take wise action, it just feels more like flow.

On a larger scale, I am aware of that low grade dissatisfaction that I can carry around with me in my day if I don’t pause and notice…..and release the tension through surrendering and accepting ‘what is’. And I notice a feeling of contentment when I do. Funnily enough, that brings us to Rick’s second word:

2: Content – Not that artificial “positive thinking” that turns things we honestly wouldn’t wish for our friends into something it is not …… but just content – not striving for nirvana or pushing away what is.

To me this is the direct result of accepting life as it is – rather than being offended by things that are not of my choosing.

Rather than the constant striving for more…. Better…. higher that our culture celebrates above all else. Once again, rather than translating into apathy for me this allows grace to arise and a more peaceful, appreciative engagement with the world and people in it.

These first two can draw us out of our habitual goal driven preoccupation and remove any resistance to this moment of our lives, just as it is. Accepting, open and welcoming of our life. What does this feel like in our bodies?

3: Undisturbed – You may be in pain or experiencing sadness or desire for something but you are not disturbed by it – they do not “invade your mind and remain” in Buddhist terms.

This is so powerful for me and the parents I work with. People often joke that motherhood is the only place where you can experience heaven and hell at the same time. To be able to navigate the difficult times without going down with the ship – to have the space around these challenges that we can simultaneously feel peace in our heart and solid ground under our feet is one of the gifts of mindful parenting. To know that they are not the whole of us and we can handle it frees us to still experience the joys of parenting.

4: Undefended– how often the atmosphere around us is one of fear and throughout history people have played on fear to gain profit and power. Its hard not to feel threatened. To feel undefended rather than poised, ready for the threat. Our practice can calm this “pre-wired” fearful state.

FOMO – fear of missing out – must be one of the most frequently used marketing strategies around us. Politicians too, use fear to gather support or undermine their competition. Rick is spot on when he says it is hard not to feel threatened. Our brains are a very old design, wired for survival and so we will spend far more energy avoiding a negative than we will approaching a positive.

This not only wires our brains around fear but it subtly invades how we see the world and how we engage with parenting. How many times does your mind wander to worries about your children or problems to be solved?

Whenever I spend time facilitating mindfulness practices with people the relief that they feel from the grip of fear is one that is often noticed and commented on. I notice this in myself and know practice is a powerful balm for modern life – to deliberately cultivate calm. To face the world from a place of openness and curiosity is a far more life-affirming orientation.

5: Unthreatened – similarly, how can we live in a way that gives others no need to fear us? They might expect consequences or boundaries in reasonable ways. But what is not only our intent but our impact? Becoming aware of how we may be needlessly threatening towards others and choosing to be assertively peacefully and kindly, with awareness of the impact we may unintentionally be having on others

Ahhhh…..the folly of youth when I thought it was part of being assertive and strong in the world to take no prisoners. The marriage of kindness and assertiveness that becomes wise speech and wise action is something that is only possible for me through mindfulness and self compassion practice. Being aware of how I interact with others and caring enough to slow down and not speak before I can do so kindly and assertively.

Sure, parenting can trigger me more quickly than other interactions and my words can come out too strongly. I am far from perfect. But it happens less, I notice sooner and repair more skillfully than before.

6: Nowness – coming into our own practice and really hanging out in the first half a second of our mental processing – the alerting neural network of attention – right at the emerging edge of now – training in being radically present even before we understand what anything is…before we rush on by

It is so easy to rush on by. Almost everything around us pulls us towards rushing. We understand mindfulness means being present but this nuanced way of describing “nowness….hanging out in the first half a second of our mental processing” describes a level of awareness and comfort with “not knowing” that feels even more free and unconstrained. Open and alive. Full of possibility.

7: Wholeness – Abiding in whole body breathing, a broader openness rather than moving from point to point to point, cultivating a whole sense of body sensations at once as a whole, rather than one particular element of that experience at a time. Deeper still.

This reminds me of the James Joyce quote “Mr Duffy lived a short distance from his body”. Like many in our Western Culture I could be described as numb from the neck down. Mindfulness practice has improved my body awareness and certainly self compassion practice has allowed me to embrace my body more respectfully and appreciatively and I have written practices for parents and children that support the same. I remember when I first became aware of the different kinds of awareness – focused and broad – and how I often play with shifting from one to the other during a practice. This broader openness and whole body breathing is a practice in itself and one that I will continue to explore.

8: Allness – lifting our gaze to the horizon beyond the immediate egocentric perspective of me and mine, how can we deepen our practice to get more than a philosophical or conceptual understanding of the broader inter-connection of the ocean of life, of which we are a local wave. To experientially feel this vast connection of causes means we can abide more peacefully, free from personal reactivity and with practice we touch in on this awareness and cultivate it over time.

More than any other practice, compassion practice has made it possible for me to walk this path more fully and with more ease and connection.

I find Rick’s words encouraging. They give me a sense of how I will come to “get more than a philosophical or conceptual understanding of the broader inter-connection of the ocean of life, of which we are a local wave”

What about you? Do you experience a visceral connection to the whole of life? Does it give you greater freedom from habitual reactivity?

9: Oneness – the unconditionality just prior to a habitual response to experience, infinite and mystery, potentiality and possibility of resting in freedom regardless of external circumstances. Practice can transform our experience of life and how we relate to it.

This is the deepest level of practice Rick spoke of, reflecting on enlightenment and what that brings to those who have experienced this freedom. On instagram I describe myself as a mindful-mom-in-progress and this last words reminds me this is the case. To me this is still a conceptual reality rather than a felt experience – I still feel that constriction I described earlier and external circumstances can certainly still ruffle my feathers. Enlightenment might be a way off for now.

What qualities support you in your practice? Lightness? Curiosity? Acceptance? Openness? Stillness? Patience? Would any of these be your words?

These tantalising insights Rick shared may well become the basis of a new book from him in time, but until then, Click here for more information about Rick Hanson and his teachings.

May you be well.

Kellie Edwards is a Psychologist, Mindfulness Teacher and Parenting Educator. Kellie has developed Mindfulness-based parenting programs for local government, runs small workshops for parents, and has developed several online mindfulness based well-being and parenting programs for mothers, mothers-to-be, parents and children. She also takes on a small number of individual clients internationally over Skype and in her home town.

Kellie draws from Positive Psychology and the science of flourishing, and with her unique combination of skills and her own parenting experience, works passionately with parents to help families thrive. Kellie writes regularly about Mindfulness and Parenting for The Huffington Post and PsychCentral amongst others. Find her at mindfulness4mothers.com