In Honour of my Friend: A Message from the Dying

by Alex Ratcliffe

I have a friend who is terminally ill; she does not have very long to live. And as often happens with these things, she was blindsided with the diagnosis and the prognosis: inoperable. She has faced the inevitable with her typically inspiring strength, dignity and wisdom. Nevertheless, through the tears and the grief of those around her, the message to us is clear.

If you are well, this message is for you, from the dying:

Your wellness is a gift; treasure it. Make friends with the present moment. No, make love with the present moment.

Cling to it as your most beloved. Don’t ignore, skip over, miss this precious moment. Don’t think you will give it attention later, when you have time. Don’t think that at some point in the future, you will give this precious, beloved, present moment the loving care that it deserves. Don’t believe that something other than this present moment, right here in front of you, can give you something more or better. Don’t waste it, don’t fill it, don’t carelessly dismiss it.

What if, in front of you, right here, right now, is all the love and fulfilment that you need. All you need to do is be with it. All the things you’ve ever wanted, all the things you hope to achieve, all the things you know and can do, they all depend on this present moment in front of you, right now. “What can I make of this moment?”

What if you loved your breath and your heart beat; felt the life in your limbs; felt the sun on your back; loved the rain on your face. There’s a person beside you, a child in front of you, a task to be done. What would happen if I fully, mindfully, gave my loving attention to that thing and to this moment? What if I were to drop the heavy burden of the past and my anxieties for the future? What would that feel like? Might I connect with the joy, relief and freedom that is mine, but which I have ignored and forgotten? Why do we wait to die to value having one more moment?

And if you are not well, this message is also for you, from the dying:

Your unwellness is a gift; treasure it. Make love with the present moment. You now know the value of wellness and the value of those precious moments, of the well moments and the unwell moments. You know your life is a gift, and that which you have not used wisely or taken care of or not noticed heretofore, you can value and notice now. You know now: my Life is in this moment; it does not exist anywhere else. I am unwell; but I meet my unwellness one moment at a time. I no longer care about the past, which is gone and I dare not construct a future, which is unknown. What can I think, feel, experience, see, touch, taste and thus know and understand, fully, deeply in this moment? That I will always have.

Find Alexandra on Twitter: @AlexandraBeetle
Alexandra’s other Huffington Post blogs can be found here.