me me me

[monkey]

Hello all. I realised that I haven't posted in here although I've been around for a few years. I've come to mindfulness type practices after various crises in my life. I started doing yoga about 12 years ago after I developed RSI in my arms and hands and shoulders and wasn't able to work but was told I needed to exercise and manage my stress better. I've done that every day since then and love it. I started trying to meditate on and off over the years. I started to do more mindfulness after having my first child, starting with one minute (from the 'one minute master' book - I think that's what it's called). A few years ago I had a bad patch in lots of areas of my life and became depressed. At that time my friend recommended a therapist who recommended the FPIAFW book. I worked through that (although I only saw the therapist twice) and have tried to develop a daily sitting practice since then because I found that it helped enormously at that time.

I realise over and over how the process is quite spiralling, in that I come back to things and realise deeper aspects of them each time. Recently I realised anew what it means that being pulled into the past and future creates the suffering in that moment, when there is no inherent suffering in that moment, in that moment I am fine, everything is OK. It's the anticipation (because I am pulled more into the future than into the past) that I am spinning that causes me suffering. I know this is basic, but I come back to it periodically, as with other concepts in mindfulness, and appreciate more aspects of it.

I found that there was a period of practice when I became aware of my thoughts and realised how many of them were extremely judgmental and negative of myself. I found that really upsetting and stopped sitting for a bit. But I came back to it again and during the day started to focus on self care, asking 'what do I need?' when judgmental thoughts started - often for me they are a sign that there is an underlying emotion that needs to be allowed and accepted, and often I am tired, hungry etc. I also started to focus on gratitude and appreciation during the day - coming back to notice what was happening and seeing what there was in that moment to appreciate. I found that these two practices and coming back to the present and noticing what's here have really helped with developing kindness to myself and others and the world, more so in some ways than the usual metta practice, which I also sometimes do.

That's it!

[JonW]

Great post.
You should write more often!
Cheers,
JW

[Gareth]

Agreed. Great post!

[monkey]

Thank you!

[rochakmehrotra]

Lot’s of love and strength to you.. was so glad to see your perseverance and the beautiful ways with which you keep coming back to meditation..it felt how more or less we all struggle a similar way when practicing this path..
The “monkey” is settling down