Does anyone else find happy events triggering sadness

[purplyworply]

Thanks to MBCBT I am much more aware of the cycle of thoughts, feelings & ruminations that make up the landscape of my mind. SO, I have recently noticed that an external event that makes me happy (like seeing my son perform well in a school event) can immediately trigger a host of unhappy reflections (for example to do with the future loss of the happy event or thing, or why it doesn't happen more often, or why I didn't do this earlier). This seriously prevents me enjoying things. Does anyone else get this?

[Gareth]

I can't say I've ever noticed this before.

Sometimes, I notice something beautiful and there is a pang of sadness that soon this will all be over, which I suppose is the same thing really.

Remember that you have the power to bring yourself back from these trains of thought when you notice that you are on them.

[JonW]

Hi purply,
When meditating, we're taught to observe thoughts simply as thoughts, using breath or sound as an anchor. By simply observing, we're not being carried away by the content of our thoughts. This practice can also be applied outside of formal meditation. When those negative/sad thoughts arise, just observe them.
If this isn't working for you, it might be an idea to restart the 8-week course.
This, of course, can be done in a group setting with an experienced teacher. But the course can also be followed using a good book. I would highly recommend Finding Peace In A Frantic World by Mark Williams & Danny Penman - which comes with a CD of guided meditations.
All best wishes,
Jon, Hove

[purplyworply]

Hi Jon, yes, I have just finished that course, thank you. That's what has helped me notice the cycle. I suppose it is a question of practice both to remember to stay on the riverbank and then, having remembered, to have the will and the skill actually to do it. Thanks for reminding me.

[piedwagtail91]

i get it sometimes, but feel that it happens because i've missed so much of my life because of depression and GAD and when a happy thing happens it just brings everything that i've missed that home.
i can't say it bothers me now, it just is and it will pass, usually pretty quickly, it used to hurt at first , but it's easier to be aware of it and come back to the moment now, i know i can't change my past and i don't know my future.

[BioSattva]

Reflecting negatively on 'happy' events tends to happen more with people who have a history of depressive relapse - habitual negative thought cycles colouring events.

Seeing thoughts as just thoughts (week 6 of the 8 week course), and not 'you' helps a lot with remaining de-centralized from such reflections, unaffected by residing within the breath (for example) - cutting off the physio-chemical feedback which can feed them.

[David]

This question speaks to me. My answer is Yes, but not so much when I am able to simply observe as opposed to react.

Do not focus on the philosophy of why it is that you feel that way. It's true that many of us who have suffered hardships for a good part of our life have a predisposition to "happiness". But whilst such statements have elements of truth in them; they come across more as prescription based reasoning that obscures a persons unique perspective. Unfortunately such an outlook can have negative connotations, despite the well meaning in which it's often given.

For me, it's best said - "It's not a sufferer's inability for happiness that makes them sad, but more the reliance that others place on happiness itself."

That outlook for me, brings more truth than another's well meaning prescription based reasoning. It's the other side of the coin from which understanding can only come from ones own perspective, not someone else's. I have a few prescriptions of my own, like - "sliver spooned upbringing ..." No matter how much I unwittingly use such prescriptions, those who'm I claim to have such a spoon in their mouths, will always claim not to see them.
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I feel I understand your question well and thank you for it. My perspective tells me that that the trigger is more key than the "happiness" itself. Define the trigger rather than that which seems you are missing. That which seems more appealing and plays on loss. That which seemingly beckons a sense of guilt for having suffered at all.

That last sentence is hard for me to explain, but a key of which I am trying to speak/seek and or be. Embrace this reaction that we term as sadness and see it as something else. Perhaps an opportunity which brings a sense of clarity which can only ever come, from your own experiences. In this regard - sadness need not be suffering at all. ( I am beginning to see how suffering is a western term - it's helping to drop the notion all together and see it in another light - or no light at all)
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I hope some of that helps. I really appreciate this question. I feel that too much shedding of light has the opposite effect of illuminating, especially for those of us who are said to be observing from the shadows.

On a hot day - such a perspective brings relief.