i dont know if meditation can solve my problem

[JonW]

"I know that meditation makes us feel more equanimity and compassion, is this the same as 'letting go'?"

It's all about strengthening the muscles of awareness and gently noticing, Pajko. It takes time and patience. Be with it.
If there's a "letting go", it's simply letting go of the idea that there is something missing, something lacking, that we have to go looking for. If we let that thought go, then we are left with what is. Be with that, just what is, right in the ever-changing moment.
Meditation invites us to form a different relationship with (or take a different perspective on) our thoughts; letting them come and go, the way we let sounds come and go.
Let come what will come, let go what will go.
That's all that meditation is.
Barry Magid makes the point that "just sitting" means, "sitting, walking, working, eating, speaking and being silent. Thus when we speak of just sitting, we are not limiting ourselves to describing a particular posture or practice. We are describing a way of being in the world in which everything we encounter is fully and completely itself. Nothing is merely a means to an end, nothing is merely a step on the path to somewhere else. Every moment, everything, is absolutely foundational in its own right."
In other words, it's all meditation.
But that takes practice.
Jon

[piedwagtail91]

And about the striving part. I think that will always be an issue, because i know when i see without illusions and when i percieve things "wrong". You know what i mean?

It's best to approach mindfulness with a 'beginners mind'.
Bringing preconceived ideas or expectations will only make it more difficult.

[JonW]

Indeed.
Suzuki's Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind leaps to mind here. A wonderful book.
But, in terms of mindfulness, Jon Kabat-Zinn and Mark Williams/Danny Penman should suffice on the nursery slopes.
Jon

[Pajko]

Guys ive had couple of transforming weeks. The fear of people that i have was gone and i could see people in their true existential form, without blinking!!!. This is the greatest thing on earthxi swear, it gives me an amazing high this kind of inter-existing without attachments. I felt that i could soak in their whole being, without shrugging once. This will be my vision that i strive for, or intention. I was so natural and everything. Ahh. The present moment is truelly the solution to everything. It eases everything so you can co exist. We dont even need ro become enlightened. Just trying and being aware is all that is requiered. Thank buddha for meditation! Thank life for mindfullness!

[JonW]

Good to hear you're doing well, Pajko.
And you're right. Mindfulness is an excellent practice for sharpening awareness so that we can deal with the challenges of daily life more skilfully. As you say, this is not about striving for any kind of enlightenment. It's about being with whatever arises in the moment - whether that's happiness or despair, satisfaction or irritation, comfort or discomfort etc.
As the joke goes…
A student went to his meditation teacher and said, "My meditation is horrible! I feel so distracted, or my legs ache, or I'm constantly falling asleep. It's just horrible!"
"It will pass," the teacher said matter-of-factly.
A week later, the student came back to his teacher. "My meditation is wonderful! I feel so aware, so peaceful, so alive! It's just wonderful!"
"It will pass," the teacher replied matter-of-factly.
All best wishes,
Jon

[Pajko]

Haha yes indeed it will pass and i can feel it creeping. Every day that goes it takes more effort. The problem here is that its so black and white for me. When im truelly mindfull im so open minded and listen genuielly to people. When not, i become uncontrollable almost. But i guess that practice makes these transittions more manageable. Its strange, when im not in the zone i dont see people as individuals, i dont know why. Its almost as i cant focus outward if im not accepting the moment. But these last couple of days i have seen people in their true light, and that gave me strenght, i felt like an equal, like i belonged no matter where. It was strong. I felt so comfortable in my self. As you said it will pass. I will try to be more gratefull for the moments i got. As gratitude is so present moment oriented and pure its basically being mindfull, just as patience is. I mean when one is patient its impossible not to be mindfull, unless youre born patient and dont have to make a consciouss effort.. Also i have noticed, what im trying to achieve with meditation, people already have and take for granted, like seeing people as individuals. But hey, this could be my luck! Anyways guys for all moments of doubt; meditation truelly is for everyone. Since we all have slighlty different egos it will befriended differently. The technique is always the same though!
Jon, will you aggree that when we accept everything truelly as it is, something magical happens?i feel that this magical think is very diffiicult not to strive for.

[JonW]

"Jon, will you aggree that when we accept everything truly as it is, something magical happens?"

It's very liberating, yes, but it pays to be wary of becoming attached to outcomes and making meditation practice another way of striving for specific goals.
Abide, and let be.
Jon

[Pajko]

Although i have my doubts whether meditation really rewires our brain. I still dont experience the overall benefits. What i csn clearly see is that some days i really see the world without illusions and i kind of feel reborn. Is it really possible do rewire the brain to be positive even when youre not strictly being mindfull in the present moment. Like change the default mode to a more positive one. Instead of default being anxious..

[JonW]

"Is it really possible to rewire the brain to be positive even when you're not strictly being mindful in the present moment? Like change the default mode to a more positive one. Instead of default being anxious…"

Yes, that can happen. But, it's not like flicking a switch. It normally takes a long period of regular, self-compassionate meditation practice. Paradoxically, it tends not to happen if your meditation is goal-oriented. For example, if your aim is to think more positively. See also: trying to relax.
Jon

[piedwagtail91]

"I still dont experience the overall benefits. What i csn clearly see is that some days i really see the world without illusions and i kind of feel reborn."

practice without expectations and changes will happen by themselves, expect them to happen or set goals and they won't because you'll be disappointed at the lack of results.

the bad news is, nothing lasts forever.
the good news is , nothing lasts forever.