Yes, that could be frustrating. Those kind of anxious thoughts can spiral into pretty unproductive territory.
BUT, here's a counter-intutitive suggestion. During your meditation practice, don't try to stop these thoughts. Instead, let them go on for a while. If they drive you absolutely batty, then fine, bring your attention to the breath, or whatever focal point you prefer. But don't try to hold it there. If your mind drifts back into thought that's fine.
Then, once you've finished your meditation practice take a few minutes to journal; that is, to write down what you can remember of the meditation.
In this way you might start to get a better sense of where these thoughts lead, how they effect your mood, mental state, emotions and body. You may also begin to see what fuels them, what keeps them going, what gives them their power, or charge. With this greater awareness, or familiarity, you might find yourself less caught up and bothered by such thoughts (over time).
With respect to your comment "Sounds crazy, but it's me!", I'd like to respectfully disagree! That's not you, that's just one temporary and changeable behaviour (or mental habit) that manifests from time to time.
When you are not thinking in such a way, are you still you?
And I very much like the question you pose: What if i forget how to be present? What indeed? I think that would be a pretty good trick. For starters, your body is always present. Secondly, any time you sense (see, hear, taste, touch, smell) something, you can't be anything but present. (Ever try to taste something yesterday, or listen to a song in the future?)
Furthermore, many things are best done on auto-pilot. Being present, or mindful, can get in the way of efficient functioning. For example, paying attention to everything you do as you drive a car isn't generally a very good idea!
A newbie trying to piece it together!
- Matt Y
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Follow us on Twitter for frequent mindfulness messages (click here)
Matt teaches meditation and mindfulness in Melbourne, Australia and worldwide via his online course.
http://melbournemeditationcentre.com.au/
http://www.learn-to-meditate.com.au/
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Brilliant post, Matt.
Cheers,
Jon
Cheers,
Jon
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