A newbie trying to piece it together!

[aly4519]

Hi everyone! I'm Aly, and I started using Headspace about 20 days ago (Just finished Take15 foundation pack).

I don't think I'm seeing any benefit from the meditation. What headspace teaches us is that meditation will lead to mindfulness. Maybe I'm not piecing it together, but continued meditation will somehow magically lead to mindfulness? And all the benefits of it?

I find myself just trying to remember to be present in everything I do, or to appreciate the beauty of every moment. But this list seems to get longer and overwhelming to remember.

Will meditating simply allow these things to happen over time?

Thanks! and Look Forward to sharing my journey with you (and hearing about yours too!)

[JonW]

Hi aly4519 ,
Welcome to the forum. Please feel free to make yourself at home here.
The first thing to say is that 20 days is nothing in the scheme of things so I wouldn't worry about mindfulness not bringing you noticeable benefits at this early stage.
However, there were a couple of things you said that gave me pause for thought.
"What headspace teaches us is that meditation will lead to mindfulness."
I'm not even sure what that means, to be honest. Mindfulness is not a goal, it's a practice. On the deepest level, there are no goals in mindfulness practice. We might come to mindfulness with the hope of becoming less anxious, less depressed etc. But, as we ground ourselves in the practice, those goals tend to drop away as we start to understand that this is not about getting anywhere - it's about being OK exactly where we are in the present moment.
Formal meditation is central to mindfulness practice but it's not all there is to it. It's not that continued meditation will be a guarantee of any particular state. The mindfulness journey is less about becoming something and more about "unbecoming" who we are not. As much as anything it is about undeceiving ourselves, dropping the habits that have made our lives so full of doubt, unease and anxiety. A natural by-product of mindfulness practice is that we develop healthier, more intimate and more honest relationships with ourselves, other people and the world around us. But we don't make that intimacy our goal. With practice it arises naturally.
Along with guided meditation techniques, a good course will also offer a firm grounding by way of introducing concepts that help us to relate to our thoughts, our feelings, our entire lives, in a way that goes against the grain of our conditioning. We're used to fighting with negative thoughts or feelings, or we're used to running away from them. Mindfulness teaches us to BE with those thoughts and feelings. In the moment, we learn to be more at ease by living life as it is, rather than as we would wish it to be. Slowly but surely we realise that, when we argue with life, we lose every single time, and suffering wins (as the teacher Adyashanti writes). We learn that inner conflict only comes from our relationship with ourselves. We learn that the primary relationship is the relationship we have with the present moment and we learn to live right there, rather than spend our lives ruminating on the past or speculating about the future.
Over time, mindfulness helps us to form a different kind of relationship with our direct experience - one that is far less conflictive. With regular practice we begin to live more freely, more openly, rather than be endlessly caught up in the gurgling stream of belief, ideas, opinions and harsh self-judgments. Slowly, we break through the limited view of life that causes us so much suffering.
You say, "I find myself just trying to remember to be present in everything I do." That's quite a common reaction for people at the beginning of practice.
There's a danger in mindfulness becoming yet another way of striving. The practice is a lot more subtle than that, and it often takes time to bed down.
It might just be that Headspace isn't the right practice for you. I have used it briefly, as a way of freshening up my practice, but it didn't really chime with me. I'm sure fellow members of this forum will have different views on it.
If it's the case that Headspace isn't quite working for you, please don't panic. There are many other alternatives available and, here at Everyday Mindfulness, we'll be only to happy to pitch in with suggestions.
For now, the most important thing is to be kind and patient with yourself. I can speak for many on this forum who have found mindfulness to be completely transformative. There's no reason why it shouldn't be profoundly beneficial for you too.
Do stick around. It's great to have you on board here.
All best wishes,
Jon

[Gareth]

I can't add a great deal more to what Jon has given you in his great reply.

Mindfulness is insanely difficult for most people at the beginning, and you shouldn't judge yourself for finding it tricky.

I think the important thing is to keep practising, and slowly but surely some of these ideas will begin to seep in. I don't think it will do you any harm to read some of the now numerous mindfulness texts out there either, they might give you some different angles on some of these concepts. There are many different types of mindfulness meditation; most people eventually experiment and find a way of practising that suits them best.

You can't go wrong picking up a Danny Penman or Jon Kabat-Zinn book, and taking some time to digest it. Keep practising, and remember, we are always here for any questions you have.

[aly4519]

thank you both!

You can disregard my comment about meditation leading to mindfulness and then to headspace.

I think a bigger obstacle I'm dealing with right now is.. asking myself if I'm actually present? It's actually very annoying.

Also, I've been told to focus on the contact I'm making with the ground when I walk. But the problem is I'm now so focused on this, I'm not actually being present! Help!

[JonW]

The key is to become present AND open.
In the early stages of mindfulness practice, there's a risk that it can turn into a kind of mental observation exercise.
Mindfulness is not about fixing rigidly on any one thing and striving to maintain that.
Every moment is an invitation to be mindful towards whatever is arising.
If you're walking, by all means notice the sensation of your feet touching the ground. But you don't need to fixate on that. You can also be open to your thoughts arising and fading away, your in-breath and out-breath, the clouds in the sky, the little boy eating an ice cream…it's about fostering a tendency to be authentically, spontaneously present. That's the joy of it.
Cheers,
Jon

[paulpsych]

Perfectly put

[aly4519]

Jon, that's super helpful!

Another major obstacle (which is the one that actually got me into this) was something that's bothered me for years.

I'm in the investment business. Years ago, I began to worry about all the things I knew, and was worried "what if I don't remember this down the road when I need it," or "what if I don't actually understand this right now (actually questioning everything thought I knew, or questioning whether what I once knew to be true was still true, BECAUSE I was questioning it"

Now whenever I read something investment-related, those thoughts are triggered.

I'm trying to be ok with the thoughts coming, and watching them go, but having so much difficulty actually doing that!

[JonW]

Hi there.
The average person has something like 76,000 thoughts a day. That's one of my favourite statistics!
I think we'd all agree that only a small fraction of those thoughts are useful to us.
But some thoughts are useful to us and some stuff we need to remember.
Why not observe the "junk" thoughts coming and going, without allowing yourself to be caught up in the content of them?
As for the useful thoughts…maybe carry around a notebook and jot down stuff that you don't want to forget.
This works for me. I highly recommend those neat little moleskin notebooks that Hemingway and Cocteau were said to use. I think Barnes & Noble sell them.
I hope this helps in some small way.
All best,
Jon

[Gareth]

The thought that I'm struggling with at the moment is because somebody shared a not-so-pleasant image in my Facebook feed. The problem is that I can't now unsee it. The image keeps popping into my mind at unwanted times, and I don't like it at all.

[paulpsych]

Hi Gareth
That's a bit like the old Pink Elephant thought experiment http://psych-n-life.blogspot.co.uk/2008/10/dont-think-about-pink-elephant.html

I'm guessing it's not the image itself but the journey your thoughts take when you think of it. The important thing is not to try to resist your thoughts, as they then become more "sticky".

There are various mindfulness exercises that ground you in the present moment, so I'd try those. A favourite of mine is "Name 5 things" where you name 5 things that you can see, feel etc. It's useful in stopping intrusive thoughts
Hope that helps

Regards
Paul