Mindfulness intensifies my negative emotions?

[Nelis83]

I'v been practicing mindfulness for quit some time now and I still often get the feeling that I'm not doing it right or that I simple just don't get it.

For instance i find that if a really disturbing negative emotion pops up (like anxiety when you're with people) and i put my full attention on that feeling it just gets worse and worse. Same with like headaches. The feeling is basically screaming for attention and by giving it it just seems to make it worse.

What i find works is just listening to the people around me and not give the anxiety any attention (or the headache or whatever).

This 'fact' confuses me ALOT. Like when your meditating your supposed to give attention to whatever pops up in your perception. But what if by doing so you just make it worse.

Like when you have a headache you can't really do anything about it. By completly feeling it and putting your full attention to it (intensifying it in my case), doesn't make your next headache any less painfull.

I'm really confused and a bit depressed about all this. Any wise words are much appreciated

[JonW]

Hi Nelis83.
Welcome to the forum.
It would be interesting and useful to hear how you learned mindfulness (eg. via a book, by following an 8-week course with a qualified teacher, through an online course etc.) and whether you have a daily practice.
With this info, it will be a lot easier for us to advise.
All best wishes,
Jon

[Nelis83]

Hi JonW,

Thanks. I followed a 8-week course and bought a couple of books. One from jon kabat-zinn and one about ACT (acceptance and commitment therapy).

I don't really practice anymore because i get confused about it, for the reasons I mentioned. I find that really intense negative emotions get worse if I keep my attention on them and its best to focus on something else. Especially when I'm with people.

I find that hard to 'rhyme' with mindfulness meditation which entails keeping your attention on whatever's most prevalent in your mind/body at that time.

So yeah.. confused :s

That being said. Being in the moment and not seeing my thoughts as facts has helped me alot. So i do see it as the way forward, it's just the part about negative emotions which i don't seem to get.

[FeeHutch]

I struggled to be in the moment initially because the moment was full of physical pain and anxiety about what I had been through, fantasizing about what disaster could happen next and trying to solve problems I had no control over. As I've commented elsewhere tonight, the breakthrough for me was realising it is ok to not be ok. Taking this further allowing myself to feel the moment without judgement and finding that it didn't make me a negative person was a calming experience. I practice not labelling the moment as good or bad and it does make a huge difference and it is a valuable part of my journey. I hope this helps.

[Michael_79]

Hi all,
I practice mindfulness since about half a year and my experience is similar to that of Nelis. My anxiety and the corresponding sensation of "belly butterflies" are intensified when I give it attention. This is not a problem for me during meditation time, as it allowed me learning to be less afraid of this sensation.

However, this remains a big problem at work where I need to argue a lot with other people. As I start feeling the anxiety, I do not try to push it back and accept it, but the physical sensation becomes stronger and I cannot focus on something else. And then, I completely lose track of the ongoing discussions which at the end makes me feeling completely stupid and depressed.

It sounds a bit contradictory with mindfulness teachings but I wonder if a good option would be to only give attention to the anxiety feelings during meditation time and push it back or try to let it flow during work time. What do you think?

[Nelis83]

Exactly like michael described it in exactly the same situations.

Allowing myself to feel that particular emotion just makes it worse and worse to the point where i can't keep my attention off it and thus can't really listen anymore.. creating awkward situations in a discussion.

Works much better to completly ignore the emotion, try really hard to not focus on it and focus on things happening outside me. Then sometimes I get in the flow of the discussion and 'forget' it

This has got me confused because everywhere you read about mindfulness it says your suppose to allow yourself to feel whatever it is your feeling. This does help me, but with things like depression, sadness. Anxiety and physical pain, not so much.

No expert opinion on this?

[JonW]

Hi there.
First things first. We don't claim to offer expert opinions on this forum. There may be issues that need to be referred to a qualified practitioner.
One thing I would like to address here is the idea of giving attention. When we're invited to give attention to a thought or a feeling in mindfulness, we're not being asked to fixate on it, only notice it, become aware of it. In most instances, that awareness does not need to be extended over a long period of time. Often, only a fleeting moment of awareness is needed. If I find myself feeling anxious during a meeting or another kind of stressful situation, I might only need to notice where that anxiety is being felt and breathe into it. I don't need to turn it into another fixation. It's about noticing, becoming aware in that moment. It doesn't necessitate switching off from the meeting and focussing on the anxiety for an extended time.
If this is proving challenging it doesn't mean that mindfulness isn't going to work for you. But it might mean that it's worth considering seeking out another teacher and doing the course again. If that's not possible, maybe follow the course again from the start with a book like Finding Peace In A Frantic World (Williams/Penman) or Wherever You Go…(Kabat-Zinn).
Or it might be worth doing some further reading to ground yourself more firmly in the principles of mindfulness - I'd highly recommend Coming To Our Senses and Full Catastrophe Living (both by Jon Kabat-Zinn).
In cases where depression and extreme anxiety are pronounced, it would also be advisable to talk to a GP.
All best wishes,
Jon, Hove

[Gareth]

I've asked some teachers to come and reply to the topic.

[piedwagtail91]

"Allowing myself to feel that particular emotion just makes it worse and worse to the point where i can't keep my attention off it and thus can't really listen anymore.. creating awkward situations in a discussion.

Works much better to completly ignore the emotion, try really hard to not focus on it and focus on things happening outside me. Then sometimes I get in the flow of the discussion and 'forget' it "

are you letting go of the thoughts and being with the emotion in your body, the sensations it brings or are you hanging on to the thoughts as well as being aware in your body.

week 5 working with difficulty, a longer 20+ minute version would be a good way to begin to be with these emotions, somewhere safe rather than in real life situation.

settle down and then bring the situation to mind, don't get involved in the story though just be aware of the emotion/feelings it brings, letting go of the thoughts as best you can.

trying to block things out completely isn't a good idea, it doesn't work . it's like trying not to think of a nice cool drink on a boiling hot day when you're miles from anywhere.

home practice , somewhere familiar and safe is the best place to begin to experience this sort of difficulty.
hope this might help
mick

[Nelis83]

Thanks for the responses.

JonW yes that's what i tend to.. fixating. I do read about mindfulness and followed the course but what I guess what stuck was that you should allow yourself to feel whatever it is you're feeling. Thus I turn my attention to it. Because how else would you feel something right? At least that was my logic It does help me with other things just not anxiety or physical pain.. It becomes a fixation. Thanks for clearing this up big help! Also I try to stay away from big books because I tend to find things that are not clear, confusing the hell out of me, something I do I guess. Maybe someday

Mick I'm not sure if that particular anxiety I was mentioning is instigated by thoughts but when it does happen I tend to be really fixated on the emotion itself. My thoughts are along the lines of 'let it be', 'it's ok', 'don't try to push it away'. Making it worse, sneaky little mind I'll try the week 5 exercise thanks for the help!