Not wanting to throw the baby out with the bath water

[fiverise]

Hi,

I'm quite new to mindfulness but already I've experienced the benefits of disengaging the autopilot sooner. However, I'm a little confused about how to discriminate between those thoughts and feelings which are allowed to pass and those which are a call to action.

For instance, if I was worried about a forthcoming exam, those worries may be due to a lack of preparation and prompt me into doing more revision. Simply allowing those thoughts and feelings to arise in awareness, without taking the necessary action, wouldn't be in my best interests.

Similarly, when I experience emotional discomfort, for example about my job, how do I know if the discomfort is actually a signal for me to take action and change my circumstances, rather than something to be experienced mindfully?

Any thoughts would be appreciated.
Thanks, Jon.

[Metaphysical Me]

Hmm, that is a very good question.

I'm not sure, how to tell the difference... But I know that I "do", somehow...

I'll give it some thought and try and get back to you!

[Gareth]

For instance, if I was worried about a forthcoming exam, those worries may be due to a lack of preparation and prompt me into doing more revision. Simply allowing those thoughts and feelings to arise in awareness, without taking the necessary action, wouldn't be in my best interests.

I tend to find that if the thought is cropping up continuously, then it's usually something I need to act on, for my own peace of mind.

Thoughts come in a dizzying variety, from the sublime to the ridiculous. But some are really important, and we need to pay attention to them.

I can't believe we have another Jon on the forum!

[Metaphysical Me]

Right - so I think I found "my" answer for you:

During a (classical) meditation, you would want to "ignore" ALL thoughts - whether they are "relevant" or not (unless of course there is an immediate threat to your phyiscal safety, like you can smell smoke/ burning from a room next door.)

So whether or not your job is basically okay, but just bugging you, or whether your job is really bad and you need to leave, for your own well-being, during the meditation this is all irrelevant... You want your mind and your soul to sort of do that "defragging" thing you can do with your computer, you know...?

Then, *after* the meditation, you would expect your mind to be functioning more smoothly, to be calmer, more settled, less neurotic, less obsessing... You would generally expect to feel more in-tune with your inner needs and the truly important things in life.

THIS state, then, is what may help you to decided whether you need to change your job, or not.

However, questions like whether to change your job or not, will always remain tricky life questions - none of us can predict the future (nope, not even if you meditate LOTS, haha ) so, there's always going to be pro's and con's to moving on, or staying in your old job...

Mindfulness doesn't release you from the responsibility of having to make difficult life decisions and from these decisions maybe turning out to be "wrong" later down the track, or at least having (some) negative consequences.

As you're probably aware, you can't really use meditation or mindfulness as a "quick fix" to answer a question like "leave current job or stay"... Although there are rare occasions where you do have exactly that kind of epiphany during a meditation!

You would just expect your mind, over time, to benefit from the regular meditation/ mindfulness, hence being in a better state to help you make good, wise, balanced decisions.

Also, meditation and mindfulness may help you get a sense of wether your current job is "just bugging you" (as any prospective, future job is also bound too!) and if meditation/ mindfulness can help you just accept that ALL jobs are crap at times/ have drawbacks and that we struggle with those... Using mindfulness/ meditation can help to reconcile you to that in a peaceful way - a feeling of positive acceptance.

Let me know if this has kinda answered your question, or if your question sort of went in another direction...

XXX Janey

[fiverise]

Many thanks for the considered replies and sorry mine needs to be brief:

I tend to find that if the thought is cropping up continuously, then it's usually something I need to act on, for my own peace of mind.

Thanks, Gareth - this is something I need to give more thought to and how it ties in below.
Janey, that answered my question perfectly especially:

THIS state, then, is what may help you to decided whether you need to change your job, or not.

I've taken from this that I would be less concerned with feeling the need to resolve individual thoughts as they arise because the cumulative effects of practice will take care of them in the long run.

Feeling very rushed at the moment so I'll be coming back to re-read what you've both said (to make sure I haven't thrown anything else out with the bath water!)
Thanks again
Jon

[BioSattva]

Hi Jon

...if I was worried about a forthcoming exam, those worries may be due to a lack of preparation and prompt me into doing more revision. Simply allowing those thoughts and feelings to arise in awareness, without taking the necessary action, wouldn't be in my best interests.

Assessing and worrying are different states, wouldn't you say? Before you worry about the exam you assess that you are not properly prepared. At this point you can make the decision to revise more without 'reacting' to the situation. One of the 7 pillars of mindfulness is trust - to trust that your motivations are always coming from a place that has your best interests at heart. Exams are important but it is also important to use time effectively and to leave enough time for exercise, etc. Your mind and body have it all under wraps already - no need for worry. But, yes, easier said than done, but this is why we practice.

Similarly, when I experience emotional discomfort, for example about my job, how do I know if the discomfort is actually a signal for me to take action and change my circumstances, rather than something to be experienced mindfully?

As you continue to practice you will find your sensitivity to inner tension will increase and the gap between the experiences of "difficult job" and "emotional discomfort" (which are, again, separable events) will widen, allowing you to catch yourself before you react emotionally. Your new sensitivity will allow you to identify when the emotions are going to be triggered, but this requires dedicated daily practice.

Difficult situations are always uncomfortable but this can be accepted - this is how a woman gives birth more easily, or how we go through the experience our loved ones dying - natural and normal. Through mindfulness practice we can find we have a choice when difficulty arises - freak out or remain peaceful.

Assessing whether another job is more suitable than your current one doesn't require an emotional reaction to govern proceedings. A better salary or environment is just what it is. Acceptance is another of the 7 pillars of mindfulness, which also means acceptance of our own drives and needs. We act when it's needed - how do you think us humans have survived so long on this planet?

[Metaphysical Me]

Wow, that's a pretty cool answer, BioSattva!

[BioSattva]

Thank you - I owe it to Jon Kabat-Zinn, Charlotte Joko Beck, and the movie 'Zen Noir'.

EDIT: as well as some pretty gruelling life experiences forcing me to practice

[fiverise]

Hi BioSattva,

Assessing and worrying are different states, wouldn't you say? Before you worry about the exam you assess that you are not properly prepared.

Different states, yes, but I don't think things are as clear cut as you suggest - the most prepared student may still be racked with worry and anxiety.

Difficult situations are always uncomfortable but this can be accepted - this is how a woman gives birth more easily, or how we go through the experience our loved ones dying - natural and normal.

Rather than death and childbirth I was thinking of situations where there is choice; the situation is uncomfortable but what do we do about it?

I suppose we would all want to improve our experience, to create more harmony but should we try and change the particular circumstances with the hope that the new situation will be more comfortable, or should we improve the experience by meeting the discomfort mindfully?

So I suppose the question was more about how to interpret the signals of discomfort.

In my case, wanting to change my circumstances might be from a desire to run away from them and it is that tension which is keeping me stuck. Learning to accept my circumstances might paradoxically release me from their captivity and only then will I be able to change them.

Jon

[BioSattva]

but I don't think things are as clear cut as you suggest - the most prepared student may still be racked with worry and anxiety.

And so we do the best we can given the circumstances.

I was thinking of situations where there is choice; the situation is uncomfortable but what do we do about it?

I think every situation is unique and is assessed as to the variables one is aware of. We eventually make a choice, though - whether to run, freeze, or fight, for example. Something has to happen, and remaining mindful allows us to make the healthiest choice available to us under the circumstances. Even the Buddha would be flummoxed if presented with a modern computer - it doesn't matter how mindful you are, sometimes what one is presented with can be a dead end. 'Shit happens' as we like to say, and we have to just get on with it. The choice is whether one continues being mindful or not. There is no life free from pain.

In my case, wanting to change my circumstances might be from a desire to run away from them and it is that tension which is keeping me stuck. Learning to accept my circumstances might paradoxically release me from their captivity and only then will I be able to change them.

Indeed - it seems you have just answered your own question.