How to Train an Elephant (book)

[FeeHutch]

I lost sight of a lot of things this week, including being more aware of smells so I am going to try and take this forward into the coming week.

This week is also going to be a challenging one for me as my daughter will be in hospital having a couple of investigations carried out under general anesthetic and will probably be staying in over night. Right now I feel very anxious.

This weeks task is to consider during every interaction with another person that they could die tonight and this could be the last time you will be with or speak to them. I have mixed feelings about this one. A lot of the discoveries section rings very true for me. I know having come so close to death myself fundamentally changed my appreciation of the fragility of life, this change is part of what brought me to mindfuness and is why the ethos felt so right for me. The text also suggests noting how considering that this could be the last time you speak will effect the way you interact.

'How sad we would feel if our last encounter with our child, partner or parent were flavoured with impatience or anger.'

If I had died, the last thing I would ever have said to my children would have been 'don't make me come up there' shouted with impatience and anger. It still makes me feel very sad. These days I tell them and those close to me that I love them without embarrassment because where my friends are concerned I realised I had never told them that.

So yes, mixed feelings because although the learning from this can be, in my experience, quite profound and life enriching but I am currently feeling anxious and fragile so I am mindful of monitoring my reaction to this contemplation.

[Steve]

I have tried to be aware of smells when noticing the breath but, surprisingly, I found on many occasions i could not sense anything much. But on the occasions that smells arose (good, bad and ugly) I did notice these. Towards the end of the week it has made me think that this is a sense that many of use use too little and we are missing the pleasures of good smells and missing the opportunity to let smells help our general state of mind. I therefore intend to learn a bit more about aromatherapy and look for opportunities to use scented candles, herbs, spices etc to enrich my senses (and hopefully my mood and my state of mind). I too will therefore carry on with smells for another week in parallel with this weeks tasks.

Yes, this week is a tough one (and I immediately thought you would probably think the same too). On the one hand, thinking it might be the last time you see someone is very close to worrying about the future. Like all parents, its very easy to worry that your children will have some form of accident and imagine al sorts of dreadful things. On the other hand, you are proud of them when they return from some sort of new experience in their life, noticeably older and wiser.

Some of the comments in the chapter might help put this weeks task in context (and maybe make us feel a bit more comfortable with it). It refers to developing an awareness of impermanence that can help us appreciate and cherish the people we encounter each day. Also, being aware that death will one day happen to us (and we never know which day this might be) helps us open our awareness to the present, vivid moment of life. Both of these thoughts help me see the positive aspect of being aware of the possibility of death on any day and move away from letting it make me worry about all those future events (most of which will never happen). This also reminds me of a book I read last year "Enjoy Every Sandwich: Living each day as it it were your last" which I found very inspiring.

I wish you well this week. I'm sure your mindfulness practice will continue to help you and be a refuge to which you can return when the need arises.

Steve

[FeeHutch]

I wish you well too Steve and look forward to your thoughts on this week in due time

[FeeHutch]

I have tried to be aware of smells when noticing the breath but, surprisingly, I found on many occasions i could not sense anything much. But on the occasions that smells arose (good, bad and ugly) I did notice these. Towards the end of the week it has made me think that this is a sense that many of use use too little and we are missing the pleasures of good smells and missing the opportunity to let smells help our general state of mind. I therefore intend to learn a bit more about aromatherapy and look for opportunities to use scented candles, herbs, spices etc to enrich my senses (and hopefully my mood and my state of mind). I too will therefore carry on with smells for another week in parallel with this weeks tasks.
Steve

I meant to say I had ordered some Yankee candles and have just started using them. The different scents mean I can't get so used to an aroma that I stop noticing it. I am also paying attention to which candle I choose to light at any given time and what sort of emotions the smell invokes. I just made oat cookies for the girls and really enjoyed the smell of soft brown sugar and cinnamon. So much other there when you take the time to smell the roses

[FeeHutch]

I have enjoyed this week so much. It feels so positive and joyful to pay attention to making those around you feel cherished and important.
It also made me consider the family relationships/friendships I have chosen to withdraw from for various reasons. Considering them mindfully has reaffirmed to me that I have made the correct choice there. That taking the heat of emotions out of the situation and paying attention to the physical and emotional responses still leaves me with the same conclusion.

There is a mantra at the end of the chapter. I decided to reword it slightly and actually made a little thing.. meditation mini mat? reminder? posher post it note? Hope this works...

It says:
Life and death are of supreme importance.
Time swiftly passes by and oppportunity is lost.
When this day is passed our days of life will be decreased by one.
Each of us should pay attention.
Do not squander your life.
(It is a sun at the end not the world biggest post-it note )

OK week 33.
Pay attention to sensations of hot and cold, notice physical and emotional changes to temperature and practice being at ease no matter what the temperature is. My initial thoughts are that a Katy Perry song is now stuck in my head but this could provide the reminder this week. Second is that I can't regulate my temperature properly now and am often running in sweat no matter what the climate is like. Sweating with freezing hands is quite usual. I think trying to be more at ease and a lot less selfconscious would be a very valuable experience.

I hope you are well Steve and look forward to hearing about your week

[Steve]

I like your mantra and your observation that "It feels so positive and joyful to pay attention to making those around you feel cherished and important".

I have taken more care this week to avoid parting with people on bad terms (and trying to avoid these in any case) and to show respect when departing (or someone departs) conscious that we never know what might be just around the corner.

Coincidentally, this arrived in my inbox this morning:

The late teacher Ajahn Chah once said:

"You see this goblet? For me, this glass is already broken. I enjoy it; I drink out of it. It holds my water admirably, sometimes even reflecting the sun in beautiful patterns. If I should tap it, it has a lovely ring to it. But when I put this glass on a shelf and the wind knocks it over or my elbow brushes it off the table and it falls to the ground and shatters, I say, 'Of course.' But when I understand that this glass is already broken, every moment with it is precious."

On the surface, Ajahn Chah was making the statement that if he considers the glass to be already broken, then he can open his mind to be more present with it and appreciate the time he has with it. At the same time, if it breaks, he's not so attached because he understands the natural course of it is to break.

This extends the approach to objects as well as people - if we are aware that something has a finite lifespan, it makes you more appreciative of it (but at the same time less attached to it).

Hot and cold - this sounds like a good exercise for being aware of our judgement of a situation and our non-acceptance of circumstances. I've been suffering from inefficient air conditioning at work so struggle to stay awake in the afternoon: I wonder if I can learn to accept this (although that might means I fall asleep rather than continuing with my work!).

One's sense of temperature is highly subjective - if you've ever been to a sauna abroad and then rolled in the snow its amazing what different perspective you can have of a given temperature depending on the circumstances or attitude!

Steve

[Gareth]

These days I tell them and those close to me that I love them without embarrassment because where my friends are concerned I realised I had never told them that.

That's beautiful Fiona.

[FeeHutch]

Thank you Gareth and Steve, that observation from AjahnChah is breath taking quite literally. Thank you for sharing so much

[FeeHutch]

Interestingly this week I have been far less aware of feeling extremes of temperature. I wonder If it is because I embraced the idea of being at ease no matter what external conditions are. I have checked in with myself regularly and been surprised to find I feel at ease.
That said we are having a BBQ today and I am currently sat outside enjoying the a cool breeze and warmth from the flames.

I am also sat here slipping my shoes on and off so I can feel the earth beneath my feet which is this weeks task. There is something instinctive about connecting with nature isn't there? I'm back at hospital with my daughter tomorrow and we already planned a picnic in the beautiful park across the road for after. I have a picture I took on my phone in that park last year. I was between appointments myself and took myself off to sit under a tree for a bit and just breathe. It was immensely powerful.

Hope you have had a good week Steve

[Steve]

Glad to hear that you had a good week.

I have noticed that was more aware of subtle changes in temperature, eg when sitting outside: changes due to a light breeze wafting across your skin and then variations as the cloud thickness changes and then basking in the sudden warmth as the sun comes out. If the weather was warm, I also took the opportunity to slow down (rather than rushing about) so I didn't overheat. I also found that I could watch myself expecting to feel cold when going outdoors but instead just feeling the temperature as it is and realising that it was perfectly OK, even if cool, and that even if its cool this doesn't have to mean that you feel cold (which it more of just an automatic reaction of the mind.

No success in the office though, in fact being more aware of the heat (and the air conditioning not functioning properly), led me to raising this as an issue with the relevant people to get a solution.

Being aware of the earth - I made sure it was a bare foot day today - making a direct connection with the ground really enhances your awareness of it. We are so tiny compared to the size of the earth yet we have such a disproportionate effect on everything (or we like to think we do). I think this will be an interesting week especially as I enjoy feeling I am part of nature.

Steve