Your little successes

[being_not_doing]

Hi

Having been inspired by a couple of posts on the forum about other people's little successes I thought it would be nice to have somewhere for newbies like me to go to get some inspiration when we're thinking that nothing's happening. I've just started week 2 and I'm just starting to notice some changes and it would be good to know what (if anything) is happening to other people.

I had a little success today in that I suffer from a phobia/anxiety of needing to go to the loo and there not being one around - yes I know it's irrational and today I went to lunch with a friend and didn't even think about whether or not I needed to go before we left the pub after lunch. (Normally I would automatically go, just in case, before leaving.) I think this change is obviously to do with the mediation and particularly down to the habit breakers. It wasn't until I got home that I realised that I hadn't thought about it.

So, if you've noticed a little (or big) change in your thinking/habits I'd love to hear about it.

[Gareth]

Great to hear about your little success!

I am in no way trying to demean your little triumph, but it is important to remember that you aren't trying to get anywhere with meditation. What I mean is that you aren't meditating because you are trying to get rid of your toilet anxiety, you are just meditating. This is not to say that getting rid of your toilet anxiety won't be a result of your practice. Heaven knows mindfulness has eliminated a massive amount of anxiety from my life. This can be a tricky little concept to get your head around at first, but don't worry if you don't get it straight away. Just keep practising.

[JonW]

Good to hear, Being.
Eight months in and there's been a huge difference in my general well-being. Three big changes are that I no longer watch TV or use Facebook and my drinking has gone from a lot to very little. These days I just seem to be a lot more conscious of using my time usefully. I also enjoy my life a lot more as I'm no longer obsessing about the past or worrying about the future. Recently I moved right next to the sea and that helps me be more mindful. Whenever I feel anxiety rising I reach for Banjo's lead and, in a minute flat, I'm sitting on the sea wall watching the waves.
Daily practice is the key for me. Even if I manage just fifteen minutes of meditation it makes an enormous difference to my day.
Though, as Gareth rightly points out, it's best not to have any specific goals in mind. The benefits arrive without any striving for them.

[being_not_doing]

I understand what you're saying about not striving for anything during meditation, and it's good to be reminded of this, and during meditation I only concentrate on meditating. But, I'm a bit confused as surely we're all striving for some benefits from becoming more mindful? The reason a lot of people take it up is to gain something from it, such as stress reduction, anxiety reduction etc. and for me it was anxiety reduction. So, I suppose I was just saying that I have found that I am already gaining some of the benefits that Jon Kabat-Zinn mentions:

• Lasting decreases in physical and psychological symptoms
• An increased ability to relax

And, as a newbie was good to be able to feel these benefits so soon.

[JonW]

Hi Being.
It's great to hear that you're reaping the benefits so soon.
The subject of striving comes up quite often on this forum.
I think there's always the risk that, when meditation becomes goal-oriented, it often leads to self-judgment. "Am I doing it right? Is it working for me?" And those kind of judgments are ultimately self-defeating.
There's a difference between thinking "I'm going to meditate daily with the aim of feeling more relaxed" and "I've been meditating for six months and I feel a lot more relaxed." One is goal-oriented, the other is reflective. It's really a question of not over thinking the whole thing.
But nobody is being critical of you. It sounds like you're doing brilliantly.
Cheers, Jon

[JonW]

For me, Joan Tollifson puts it best: "Simply being awake to the bare actuality of whatever is showing up, however it is."
To reach that state, no striving is necessary. It can be reached during formal meditation, whilst sitting on a bus, walking the dog, washing the dishes etc.
In that moment of being awake, everything is perfect. That's not to say that everything is perfectly happy, perfectly orderly etc. But it's perfect in that it's just how it is at that moment. Suffering begins to ease when we start accepting just how things are in the moment.
It doesn't mean that life is any less messy on the surface. There will still be debts to pay, health issues to attend to, annoying people to deal with at work etc. etc. But how we respond to those challenges makes all the difference.

[Cheesus]

I used to have that anxiety. It sounds trivial at first but it can really come to dominate your life! Good on you for learning to let go just that little bit.

I think one of my little successes is just really learning to see the pushing and pulling of the mind. In doing that I can come into the present with open arms rather than fear and striving. It's just so amazing to see that when you let go of needing to change things, you suddenly realise that actually nothing really needed changing in the first place!