How to Train an Elephant (book)

[Steve]

Sorry to hear you've had a challenging week Fee. I hope you've still managed to keep up your formal meditations, as I'm sure you're aware, they are the best way to regain some inner peace and strength to cope with whatever life is sending your way.

When I've remembered to eat one spoonful at a time, I haven't found this week too hard, although I tend tend to 'play' with the rest of the food on the plate whilst finishing the current mouthful or find that I swallow it sooner than I really should so I can get to the next. Nevertheless, its shown I can have a little more control over what I eat (and drink) and that I can be satisfied with less. The biggest challenge (as on many other weeks - except the blue one!) was remembering to be mindful. It often feels that it would take several weeks practice at each task before I manage to attend to it regularly each day.

I liked the phrase in the book "Why am I in such a rush to get through life when I want to enjoy it so much?". This brings home how we spend too much time feeling restless and trying to get somewhere else rather than really being present in the present moment.

This week is being aware of desires. I like the fact that the book prompts us to be aware of different things that i would not otherwise think about. As it says, desires are not inherently bad for us but we should be aware of them, see how they arise and affect/control what we think and do so we can make a conscious decision whether or not to follow each one. I don't think that rules out pursuing pleasures (such as your buns!) but helps us be aware if we are doing this to try to satisfy some other need (or how often the desire arises - everything in moderation!).

The reference to 'restlessness' arises again which strikes a chord with me - I'd like to try to savour what's happening (good or bad) rather than forever feeling I am trying to resolve a problem or trying to make things better.

Hope you have a better week.

Steve

[FeeHutch]

Being mindful of my desires has been very interesting. It feels like it is something that will bare continual attention. Noticing the difference between needs and wants is something I have studied before in both my professional life and as the mother of 2 small children I am currently following a fasting programme designed to improve my overall health as opposed to just my waist size. By paying attention to my desire to eat for example I have started to unpick quite complicated desires and responses around satisfying my appetite in a compassionate and positive way. As part of my rehab following the haem my neuropsychologist commented that I was uncomfortable with my appetites or desires and it really struck a chord with me and has been something I have been more aware of and gently exploring over the last year so this week has felt like a natural extension of that focus.

The phrase "Why am I in such a rush to get through life when I want to enjoy it so much?" is another concept I am really mindful off, in particular why it sometimes feels so difficult to just take a breath and really be aware of the moment rather than ploughing through time without ever really being present.

Week 26 is entitled study suffering:

pay attention to the phenomenon of suffering. How do you detect it in others? Where is it most obvious? What are the milder forms? What are the more intense forms?

This week I will attend a funeral to try and support some of my closest friends as they deal with a profound suffering. My husband is facing the loss of his job and I am trying to work with suffering related to my body and health but in a positive and mindful way. Quite a mix of moments to be mindful in.

[Steve]

It sounds as if this has been a meaningful exercise for you this week Fee. I have been able to notice desires for a drink (I am still managing to restrict myself to the recommended limits despite temptation/desire to have more when feeling in need of a lift) and to some extent food (eating for the sake of it and for comfort rather than for hunger) but beyond this I have struggled to be aware of other desires. Looking for peace and quiet and trying to avoid criticism and yelling doesn't seem to quite fit the bill. Have you been able to be aware of other forms of desire besides those involving the senses? This is an area I don't find easy.

The coming week is about suffering and draws a distinction between pain and suffering. I'm sure I put myself through a lot of suffering by going over and over past, future and imaginary problems and conflicts with various things in my life. But is sadness a form of pain or is it just the suffering we put ourselves through when things aren't as we would like them to be?

Steve

[FeeHutch]

I think sadness is a bit of both.
This week I will be attending a funeral, wanting my friend to still have her mother here and healthy and happy is suffering because things are not as I want them to be and I also experience it as a physical pain if that makes sense.

Also to me wanting peace and quiet and not wanting to be criticised or shouted at can be characterised as a desire for a certain environment. Desires fuel a lot of our choices I think but we are very used to that word being used predominately around food, sex and alcohol/drugs perhaps?

[FeeHutch]

Being aware of suffering has been challenging this week. There has been a lot of it around me and for me. I have seen the way accepting it and working with it can be incredibly powerful though. My lovely friend getting up and talking about her mum during her funeral was truly inspiring and beautiful.

I am still processing this week I think and will continue to do so for a while yet.

Week 27 is Monty Python Week! As soon as I saw silly walks when you feel sad it made me think of the famous Python sketch. Silly walks work because the mind and body are not separate but linked as mindfulness shows us very quickly. It is hard to remain very sad while completing any of the moves shown below...

I really like the idea of recruiting help from our body to change our mind state until it feels natural for the mind to do it alone. Now I suspect I am unlikely to use a silly walk to tackle my mind state on my own in a public place but the joy of children is you get to do this sort of stuff where ever you are.

The chapter closes with the idea of what is called in Zen, being the Master or Mistress of the House. That is a powerful image to me and one I feel I can keep firmly in mind (along with John Cleese).

[Steve]

I have also not found this easy but it has made me think and be more aware of the suffering I put myself through going over past events, brooding and worrying about all sorts of things. Whilst it is not easy to stop this, much of this suffering could be avoided if I learn to stop the mind obsessing about problems and feeling sorry for itself. I like the phrase "Happiness is a state of mind, a way of being" which is available to one whatever happens. I also remind myself to try to accept what life brings, just like the weather, and that its silly to let the 'weather' dictate how you feel.

Amazingly, I have also felt empathy for my 'enemies' this week in a dispute as I realise they will be suffering as another dispute they are involved in seems to be going against them. Whilst they are reaping what they have sown, I am able to empathise with the suffering they will be feeling and take no joy in this.

Fee: we have now completed 26 weeks so we are half way through the book/year!! Thank you for sticking with it with me. Its more than likely that I would have let it slip by now if we weren't working through it together on here, I hope you are finding it beneficial as well. I will try to look back over the last 26 weeks tomorrow to remind myself of the highlights but I laughed when I saw week 27 - silly walking! This will be fun. I too am a fan of John Cleese and loved the pictures you found. I'm looking forward to watching how a few 'silly' steps helps me improve my mood when I feel down. Even funnier if I am brave enough to do it in public!

Have a good week.

Steve

[FeeHutch]

I don't think I would have kept up for 6 months without your support either Steve!

[FeeHutch]

So a week of silly walks, how did you get on Steve?

I experienced this in the oddest of ways. On Thursday I was fine when I got up before suddenly being crippled by agonising pain in my side. I collpased and for about an hour couldn't stand properly and ended up walking in a sort of sideways shuffle reminiscent of a crab. After a few minutes though I did try my best to bring mindfulness to the situation and tried to concentrate as much as possible on my breathing and awareness of my body, trying to explore the pain. The thought really did occur to me that this seemed one way of ensuring I practiced this weeks exercise! It transpires it is probably gallstones by the way. I may need to do the silly walk again before it gets sorted.

So this week is all about being aware of water. Not just the water we drink but the water that makes up so much of our being, our food and the world we live in. This chapter contains some truly beautiful reflections on the most universal but often ignored element.

[Steve]

This post is a quick review of the first 6 months (26 weeks) to mark the halfway point. I'll do a separate post later on for silly walks etc.

I decided that a simple way to carry out a review was to look back on the tasks and to list those that I am still doing and then those that I would like to try to continue doing (7 of each as it turns out):

Still doing:

Leave no trace in a room - I still keep my bedroom tidy so it remains as my quiet refuge and meditation room.

When eating, just eat - I manage most days to sit down and eat breakfast to provide a calm start to the day.

Listen to sounds - I continue to enjoy listening to nature (bird song etc) and its a constant reminder to be present when outdoors or by an open window.

Mindfulness when queuing - I don't get stressed out by queues anymore but take them as an opportunity to take a few minutes out and see whats going on around me

Noticing trees - I love admiring all the wonderful shapes, colours, noises, movements and changes of trees (haven't hugged one lately so maybe I should!)

Saying 'Yes' - I am finding it easier to 'go with the flow', to try to enjoy whatever arises and not get stressed out by trying to force what happens to fit with my thoughts on what should be happening or how people should behave (or brooding over it when is doesn't).

Colours - I continue to be aware of colours around me, I amazed at the brightness of some flowers even when its dusk.

Things I'd like to do more of:
Using my hands in a careful, gentle way,
giving people compliments,
posture - walking tall rather than slouching,
noticing things to be grateful for,
using compassionate eyes and staying serene,
taking 3 breaths more often, and finally
being aware of the space that defines our physical world (and the quiet that defines our mental world).

Steve

[Steve]

Catching up with last week - silly walks

Fee I'm sorry to hear that you were forced to do silly walks but good to hear that you were able to see the humour in this.

I managed a couple of silly walks when on my own - its difficult not to grin when doing a very silly walk so it was effective in lifting the mood. It was also a good way to be in the present moment (it takes some concentration to do a silly walk!) and to take life less seriously.

I realised you can do more subtle 'silly' walks in public, eg by lengthening or shortening your steps - not so effective in generating a grin but still good for being in the present moment. Also watched a girl is some very silly high heels being forced to do a silly walk because of the ridiculous posture they forced upon her!

As the books says, it takes lots of patience and practice to learn how to be able to take control over your mind and mood but this can lead to 'liberation from the tyranny of the mind' - that really does bring it home doesn't it?!

This week is water. I do find awareness of aspects of the physical world easier (and interesting) to do. I have tried 'water awareness' before (reflections in puddles revealing another dimension to the world being a favourite) and look forward to a whole week of water (especially on hot sunny days!).

Steve