Week Six: Trapped in the Past or Living in the Present?

[JonW]

...Or Living In The Present?
Speaking personally, I had no idea just how much time I spent/wasted dragging my past around with me until I began my adventure into mindfulness. Along with worrying about things that hadn't happened yet (and would probably never happen), those thoughts used to dominate my mind.
"When the mind gets into such ruts and will not let go," write Williams and Penman, "you can find yourself over-thinking. Try as you might, you cannot disengage the mind from its own goals and imaginings: a state that has been called 'painful engagement'."
In week six of the course, we learn to let go of the fears which feed into one another in an endless debilitating cycle that saps our energies, often leaving us like a hollow shell drifting through life.
The authors ask us to consider how we remember events from the past. "Our minds are always trying to make sense of the world," they write, "and they do this in the context of baggage accumulated over many years together with the mood of the moment. They are constantly gathering up scraps of information and trying to fit them together into a meaningful picture. They do this by constantly referring back to the past and seeing if the present is beginning to pan out in the same way."
As a result, our interpretations of past events are assumed to be truth and we tend to get stuck in certain ways of thinking: "things will never change", "I'll never be good enough", "I have been damaged for ever"...
The practices of the previous five weeks (raisin meditation, breath meditation, body scan, Mindful Movement) have pointed to new possibilities. In week six, we learn the importance of being kind to ourselves and others in order to remain mindful in the face of everyday stresses.

Practices for week six:
Befriending meditation
Three minute breathing space
Habit releaser

[piedwagtail91]

i' haven't done this course following the book but have been following the comments.
the 'befriending meditation', is that the one with the metta phrases, "may i be safe, may i be....." and so on?
i've been discussing this meditation with someone, mainly along the lines of how it's little different from some of kristin neffs self compassion stuff and discussing why it wasn't in the mindfulness course that i did.

it could be that i've got the wrong meditation in my head

[JonW]

That sounds like the one, feller.
It wasn't included in the mindfulness group course I took either, for some reason.
Very powerful though.

[piedwagtail91]

thanks jon

[FeeHutch]

Mental pain: the thoughts that just keep going round and round... p185

How many of us I wonder can relate in some small way to the story that opens chapter 10? Kate has PTSD following a car crash.

'Kates mind was doing what minds often do: create imaginary scenarios that then become adhesive'.

It was these things not the actual event that consumed Kate and eventually led to a suicide attempt. The story illustrates how much power our mind has, the mental burdens, regrets and unresolved relationships or events can become very real and very heavy baggage.

'Western society has been built from the ground up ion guilt and shame' - p186

A bold statement perhaps but one that feels true and reflects a lot of my own experience. The endless cycle of negative thoughts can also been seen as irreversible.

'Any of us can fall into the same mental trap. We can carry with us a hidden assumption that. because of what happened to us, nothing at all can be the same again' - p187

This reminded me of one a quote from Irvin Yalom in his book The Gift of Therapy. I read it very early on in my training and it has stayed with me

'Sometimes I simply remind patients that sooner or later they will have to relinquish the goal of having a better past.'

I know I was certainly caught up in my own past for so long I couldn't really see or be fully present in the moment. Mindful practice has made it easier to trace the cycles from the past that I am still caught up in now and to move peacefully away from them.

We can unintentionally become trapped in the past rather than mindfully living in the present and mindfulness so can powerfully bring us into this moment as it is and move away from feeling

'trapped in the past, recalling events in an over-general way'

p192.

This week introduces a new meditation (track 7 if you have the CD):
The befriending meditation

This is to encourage us to treat ourselves with kindness. This is the first step towards offering the same kindness to loved ones, those we have difficulties with and finally all beings. This can be a challenging practice. When I first did the course I felt a real resistance to extending kind thoughts to the person I chose who I was having difficulties with. I noticed and accepted the resistance and stuck with it, accepting my feelings as they were and over time they have changed. I realised that with this particular person I spent a lot of time rehearsing arguements in my head we had never had and were unlikely to have. A year later this has turned out to be the case. Plus, I have always liked the idea that we can it practice because we are never perfect, that thought helps me.

How do you find the befriending idea?

This week also keep up with the 3 minute breathing spaces.

Finally there is a choice of 2 habit releasers. It is suggested that you pick one to do at least once this week or you could try both, either 'reclaim your life' or 'do a good natured deed for someone else.

Have a good week and please feel free to share your experiences

[JonW]

Hi Fee.
Sorry. I posted week 6 earlier. I'll delete my post and use some of the thoughts as a response to yours.
All good things, Jon

[JonW]

Apologies.
Bit of a mix-up. Both myself and Fee have launched the discussion for week six.
The conversation will continue on Fee's thread.
Cheers, Jon

[JonW]

Week six was where it really started to click for me, when I realised that mindfulness was becoming a hugely important part of my life.
In her book "Don't Do Something, Just Sit There", Sylvia Boorstein writes, "Mindfulness is like other skills that become effortless and automatic with practice. I can knit and think at the same time, without dropping stitches. My friend Alta used to be able to knit in the movies. At the beginning of meditation practice you need to remember to be mindful. After a while, you can't forget."
That's what dawned on me when I first encountered week six.
I realised that mindfulness was now part of my DNA.

[FeeHutch]

Sorry Jon! We were both eager to share which can only be a good thing I should have double checked though so I apologise for that.

Would you like to do week 7 or 8, both or neither? Would anyone else reading like to take on writing up a post for week 7 or 8? I think it is really interesting that we all pick up different parts of the chapters and relate our own experiences to these.

[FeeHutch]

What I will do is try and merge this thread with my week 6 thread in the FPIAFW subform and hopefully keep the conversation going there