Self-protection? Selfishness?

[rara]

Never quite warmed up to his stuff but might give it another go in this context

[Medway Tai Chi]

I'm new to this group, but have been practising mindfulness and meditation for a few years now.

I've been wondering about something lately. I feel somewhat less tolerant than I used to about exposing myself to "dark" things, listening to certain friends' lengthy rantings, for example. I don't want a person to censor what they say to me, I do feel very sympathetic towards their problems, and sincerely wish they feel better. I acknowledge the hurt and depression they are feeling, but I feel we are going around in circles.

These days, I often feel conflicted about how much time I should spend listening. I don't enjoy the drama like I used to. I don't say it to them, but perhaps they can feel my restlessness? With one good friend, I suggested a walk along the shore instead of sitting in a coffee shop, and that turned out to be a pleasant visit.

Today I noticed it again, when searching down a program list for a documentary festival in town, avoiding the heavier topics, and searching for lighter, more uplifting ones. I felt a little shallow, avoiding war, crime, poverty, etc., and choosing one about music. Selfish? Self-preservation? It's where I am right now. Will I change again?

I count 18 times in this post that you have used the word "I" or "I've" or "I'm".
This would suggest you are putting far to much personal investment into these issues. In latin, "I" is "Ego". Without realising it, your ego promoting your 'self importance' - "why are you bothering me with these issues?" and so on..

You say that you feel you are going around in circles. Only the true you is carrying your meat-sack around. If you don't want to go in circles, then don't.

[JonW]

"If you don't want to go in circles, then don't."

???

[Medway Tai Chi]

"If you don't want to go in circles, then don't."

???

Make the choice, and take control.