the ups and downs of mindfulness

[srdk6]

When i first began with mindfulness, i had gotten a severe depression and anxiety problem Due to beeing very uncouncious. During theese Times i had moments of presence and Bliss (i hadnt started meditation then).
Then i began my practice and i started having a few hours of bliss, then a few Days, now days i have more Days of bliss and calm Than anxiety but When i Do have those moments my reaction is to try harder to be present and Im micro managing everything in fear that " i might be meditating/beeing mindfull in the wrong Way" which in turn Cayard Me to feel more negative emotions. . Are theese symptoms normal? Will they pass? What should i Do When they happen?

If your answear is to stay present, how should i Do it Because its VERY hard when it locka in and Mindfullness greps like a struggle and not the Way it should feel, calm, happy, peacefull.

Thankyou

[JonW]

Hi srdk6,
The mindful path is never completely smooth.
When those thoughts/doubts arise, observe them, then gently lead yourself back to the breath or whatever your chosen anchor is. Do it a hundred times during a meditation if necessary.
Sometimes it is hard. But please don't get disillusioned.
We're all here to lend support if you ever need any.
All good things, Jon

[Jenna]

Hi

I would also say that you need some self compassion and to suspend judgement about yourself

[srdk6]

Im writing from my phone so i made Some spelling and Word errors but you understood and gave superb advise anyway. Thankyou.
I think what made it the hardest for Me to be present during those times is questioning if Im doing it right but now that you told Me to focus on my anchor, my doubts are gone.. and it works better. i guess thats the benefit of having a spiritual teacher. Thankyou both

[JonW]

A pleasure, srdk6.
And please don't worry about spelling mistakes and suchlike. Your meaning was perfectly clear.
Mindfulness meditation really isn't about how we "should" feel. It's about how we "are" feeling in the here and now, and attending to that, as Jenna rightly says, with self-compassion.
Trying harder or even trying at all tends to be counter-productive. It's more about accepting things exactly as they are.
Feel free to join in the conversations on this forum or to ask any other questions. We're always happy to help in whatever way we can. None of us claim or pretend to be experts in any way. Like your good self, we're simply enjoying the adventure of mindfulness, through rough and smooth alike.
All best wishes, Jon

[srdk6]

I dont know if its my hormones that are Messing with Me (Im 21) or if Im bipolar but like i said, 5 Days of anxiety, irritability, andbthen 5 Days of intense peace, Bliss, Joy, confidence clear mindedness and presence. are theese normal symptoms When you begin to loce more in the present? Like your mind is so addicted to stimulans tjat i creates drama or like tolle would say, my painbody

[JonW]

I think most of us find that it's only when we begin to sit (meditate) that we discover just how frantic our brains are. It's also a shock to discover that most people's brains are just like our own. The brain does love a drama and the self loves being at the centre of one. It's remarkable how those same thoughts start behaving differently when they're observed with compassion and curiosity.
I'm fond of Jon Kabat-Zinn's description of thoughts as "secretions of the mind". That makes them seem a whole lot less threatening to me.
So, yes, your reactions are completely normal I would say.
Keep practicing...

[piedwagtail91]

The brain does love a drama and the self loves being at the centre of one. It's remarkable how those same thoughts start behaving differently when they're observed with compassion and curiosity.

i like that , brilliant!!

[srdk6]

So what you are saying is i should just sit down and meditate the days that i feel like shit. untill i find a solution? thats basicly what i do and the soultion is different everytime. last week it was "stay with the body" and whenever i focused on that, i instantly got back into the now and felt great. This week it doesnt work tough and i have to firgure out a new one..

[larorra]

Dear srdk6, I know what you mean about writing off your phone! Quite a task for me too, especially when the horrible auto corrector choosed the wrong word! Takes some time to write even a few lines,, at the moment have the luxury of my work PC anyway just wanted to add that you should go easy on yourself and don't eat yourself up if you don't feel like practicing. Be mindful of your body and just do what you can and when you can. Even a few moments is better than none at all but just do it when you feel up for it. Good luck and stay posted here you'll get lots of help and tips!