Depression

[Jenna]

Hi all

I have been suffering this week and try as I might meditation and mindfulness is not helping. This scares me as it is the only resource I have. I cut off all the others.

I'm being constantly criticised by everyone around me (I am socially isolated and have no friends at all). I have not had any any friends since college (13 yrs ago). This was the only time I had friends but they proved that they didn't see me this way as the group visited each other during yr 1 of UNi but no one visited me. They were full of empty promises.

I have no positive times to think of with them.

So basically I am now so depressed and dragged down by constant criticism and constant negativity.

Pls help.

[Gareth]

try as I might meditation and mindfulness is not helping

I've said this before, but I am not a mindfulness teacher I am only telling you what I have learned through practising.

The above statement that you have made is not helping you I think. It's a really alien concept to grasp if you are new to this but with mindfulness we give up the notion of tryin or doing anything. Try and lose your expectations, and just accept whatever arises. It's really hard I know, but try and stop questioning/analysing your practice, and just practise. As JKZ said: " You don't have to enjoy it, you just have to do it."

And besides, it takes time for the benefits of mindfulness to sink in. I think how long depends upon the person that is entering the process, but it certainly takes a while. It did for me anyway.

Keep stromg Jenna, I really think you can do this.

[stopitaggers]

Hi Jenna, I'm sorry to hear how you are feeling.

Gareth is spot on and I think it's worth remembering that the benefits you get from anything, including mindfulness, are related to the effort you put in. There are no quick fixes but you CAN get better.

You might benefit from talking to your GP if you haven't already done so.

Know also that you are not alone. People on here are with you in spirit and are rooting for you.

Dave

[JonW]

Hi Jenna.
Sorry to hear you are finding things so tough.
Attempting to meditate when you're feeling so low will throw up its own challenges.
Have you looked into mindfulness classes in your area? You might find it less challenging to practice in a group. You might even find a mindfulness class that is specially designed for those suffering from depression.
You might also find certain books supportive. I would highly recommend "The Mindful Way Through Depression: Freeing Yourself from Chronic Unhappiness" by Mark Williams, John Teasdale, Zindel Segal and Jon Kabat-Zinn. The book comes with a CD of guided meditations.
I wish you all the best, Jon

[Jenna]

Thanks everyone. I think you are all right I need to look at giving up the notion of "getting well" I've always seen it as a weakness and something that needs fixing.

I think I need to learn to be mindful when dealing with it and stop fighting it.

[Gareth]

Stopping fighting would be the very best thing that you could do.......

[JonW]

Regarding giving up the notion of "getting well"...
...and this is only my non-expert opinion.
In itself there is nothing intrinsically wrong with having "getting well" as an aim. But, as Gareth points out, meditation doesn't work that way. It never has and it never will. One's approach to it has to be goalless. One meditates for the experience of meditation and there can be many benefits to health and well-being. But those benefits only arrive if one doesn't strive for them. In that way, meditation is not like anything else.
It doesn't work like therapy or medication work. I might, say, go to a therapist with the aim of becoming less stressed. Or I might feel depressed and go to my GP to talk about medication that might help to ease my feelings of depression.
However, if I meditate with a specific goal (eg. to feel less stressed or to ease my feelings of depression), it's highly unlikely to yield any benefit. The eight-week mindfulness course as originated by Jon Kabat-Zinn is carefully designed to guide one carefully through various stages of meditation. Each stage leads naturally on to the next. In the latter stages of the course (whether attending a course or following a book/CD), one is gently invited to explore "difficult" thoughts and feelings. The earlier stages of the course prepare one very carefully for this stage. One is invited to observe thoughts and feelings with compassion. Not to fight with those thoughts or feelings, nor to push them away. We learn not to label our thoughts and feelings as "weak" or "bad". We learn to observe them with self-compassionate awareness in the moment. In the process, those thoughts and feelings can become easier to cope with. But that is unlikely to happen if we approach meditation with the aim of achieving those goals.
Speaking as someone who has suffered from depression throughout his life, I can say that I found the course enormously beneficial (I read Mark Williams' mindfulness book at the same time as I was attending a local course) and I find my continuing journey in mindfulness to be enormously beneficial. If I'd started to meditate without the help of a book or a class, it's unlikely that I would have stuck with it. But that's only my experience. Other members of the forum might well have had a very different experience.
Having said all that, I would not be so bold as to promise that mindfulness is a guaranteed cure for anything, simply because it's not. Nothing is a guaranteed cure for anything. If I'm asked about it by friends, I'm happy to talk about my own experience of mindfulness and I'm careful to tell my friends that, if they are interested in exploring it further, they might want to look towards a good book and/or a good teacher to support them through the early stages - especially if they are going through a tough time.
Again, I stress that these are non-expert opinions. I can't do more than offer a few tips on mindfulness, based on my own experience. In terms of finding a way through depression, I can only state the obvious and recommend going to a GP as a first port of call. Mindfulness is now a part of the NHS set-up, albeit in a limited way. It might be worth your while talking to your GP about whether any NHS-funded mindfulness classes are available in your locality. If not, there may be non-NHS classes available, or even one-to-one mindfulness tuition. I would gently suggest that it's worth looking into these options.
I wish you all good things, Jon

[Jenna]

Thank you all especially Gareth and JonW. You have really helped. I've read and acknowledged all your responses. I am going to start mark Williams book and try some formal practice.

I need to work on acceptance. Thank u. I am truly blessed to have this resource x

[JonW]

My pleasure, Jenna.
Now, please try being a little kinder to yourself.
Instead of saying "I need to work on acceptance", try saying "I'm really looking forward to working on acceptance" and try saying it with a smile.
These little things make all the difference, believe me.
I hope you enjoy the rest of your weekend.
All good things, Jon

[Jenna]

Jon

Thanks. Thinking of starting a blog. What do u think.

I'm looking forward to my meditation tonight.

X