How to Train an Elephant (book)

[FeeHutch]

Thank you Jon, when I've spoken to the girls I'll let you know the details

[FeeHutch]

So week 12 was all about using any opportunity where I found myself waiting to be mindful, meditate or watch the breath. Typically I have been home a lot this week and not waiting around much. I've tried to be present when waiting though. This worked especially well when I was waiting for the girls to come out of school. Friends talked to me so I tried to practice really listen.

Week 13 is called 'a media fact' and it means no news or social media, no radio, music, TV or books and no internet. I'll be totally honest I am not doing this one. I am in the middle of finishing my dissertation so I have to read and research. I also write for several blogs and read around issues clients bring.

OK enough justification! I am mindful of the feeling of panic just reading this weeks exercise. However I will attempt a week with no social networking. The idea behind the task was inspired by a student who suffered chronic low level anxiety. I have read this week that social networks like Facebook can affect mood and self esteem negatively so that part of the exercise I will embrace.

I love music and books too much to deprive myself off them and as my health is a little worse at present I would be left sat alone on my sofa for a large proportion of the week.

So week 13, unlucky for some? I feel anxious (ironically) and a little resentful somehow but I want to be totally honest in sharing this experience.

[Steve]

I've found the practice of being mindful when waiting or queuing good - its an excellent way of reminding yourself to be mindful just when negative thoughts typically arise.

I've managed to be mindful when queuing in traffic, waiting for the kettle to boil, queuing at the supermarket, waiting for PC to boot-up etc etc. So its been a great way of turning moments which are usually frustrating into calmness and peace.

The book talks about how we usually measure self-worth in terms of productivity - what we've got done etc and that we tend to give no credit for taking 'being' time to just be present. I love the sentence in the book that says "Presence has no measurable product except positive feelings, feelings of support, intimacy and happiness - even if no-one else is around".

Like Fee I am not sure next week's topic (Media fast) is really practical - maybe OK if you are going on holiday or on a retreat. I am therefore going to select one or two specific "media modifications" for the week:

Checking emails at only set intervals during the day (and if I miss one waiting for the next)

Only watching pre-selected TV programs - no junk or time fillers

Limiting my time on the PC to carrying out specific tasks - no random surfing or sitting here for hours

Otherwise, I'm also going to continue with the mindfulness while waiting this week as it such a good way of spotting the likelihood of a negative mind state arising and taking the opportunity for replacing frustration with a mindful moment - and as the book says, the more this is practised the better the chance of stopping habitual negative reactions to such situations. There seem to be plenty of things that impede or hold up progress in the day, or that I would otherwise see as a waste of my time, so i don't think I need to go and search out the longest check-out queue just to practice this one!

Good luck with the work on the dissertation Fee - what's the subject?

Steve

[FeeHutch]

Sounds like a reasonable compromise Steve
I'm training as a qualified counsellor and have to produce a final portfolio of essays, client case studies and reflections. Because I took 18 months rehab before I went back to study and client work it will have taken me 4 years to do a 2 year qualification (not counting several years of study before that) but it'll be worth it.

[Steve]

I decided to read the rest of the chapter today (I usually read the 'Discovery' section midweek and the 'Deeper' learnings section at the end of the week) as we are going to do this week a bit different. It seems that the real emphasis of this chapter is to try to cut down on the continuous feed of bad or negative news that we are all continually subjected to (and which provides a negative backdrop to our lives).

The suggestions to cut out ALL forms of media (even reading books!) to achieve this seems a bit OTT. Being aware of the diet of negative news we are subjected to and trying to cut this down and to replace this by positive input (which is what I seek from books, this forum, twitter etc etc) is a far more realistic approach which I am happy to take.

Fee, it's great to hear of your perseverance on your course - I'm sure your positive approach will pay off. What sort of counselling does it cover?

Steve

[FeeHutch]

Thanks Steve. It is using the person-centred model which is based on a positive philosophy that we as a species want to be the best we can and uses a open, honest, genuine collaborative relationship between counsellor and client rather than a prescriptive, more medical model.

I think this is part of the reason mindfulness felt so right from the off to me. My choice of therapy had also felt 'right' from my first level of study which looked at the main therapy groups.

Yes, I felt the idea of a total media black out seemed very full on, I do agree there is a lot of scope to look at our use of media of all types and the idea of being more aware of the way this can negativity affect us is very useful. I have posted on fb and twitter that I will be not using them for a week to try and ensure I last the week! I am already finding it liberating to ignore the notifications.

[FeeHutch]

I am swinging between loving and hating the lack of social media this week.
On one hand I have often felt liberated from the mindless habit of checking in to facebook or twitter as soon as a notification pops up on my tablet. I have had days were I seem to have got a lot more things done and not having status updates to read has prompted me to text and email some friends individually and more mindfully.

There are other times I have resented the lack of facebook and twitter. While the number of things I have noticed I would have shared but were a bit silly is well into double figures, there are other times I have really felt the lack on online interaction. I am a member of a group comprised of women who all attended online antenatal classes together in 2005. We are very close, have met up lots in the last few years and supported each other. A few of us have some very tough stuff going on and I have missed daily chats for example.

The choice to see the week out has been mine alone and I am determined to wait until Sunday before I go back online. This week has been very valuable in making me much more aware of how and when I engage with social media. I feel like I will use it less in future and more mindfully. I also hope this week has broken me of the habit of responding instantly to every notification. I do feel like there has been less negativity in my life this week too which is interesting.

[FeeHutch]

So I made it to today without social media. I have already posted about my experiences this week and have also blogged a little on my site which can be read here http://adlibbed.blogspot.co.uk/2013/03/ ... media.html
I am looking forward to reading your thoughts as always Steve and anyone else who wants to share.

Week 14 (already!) is titled Loving Eyes and the exercise sounds simple, endeavour to look at things and people with loving eyes and notice any changes this brings about both physically and emotionally. I find it is true that if you smile no matter how fed up you are it can change your feelings. I also notice often during formal practice my jaw and hands are clenched and mindfully relaxing them relaxes my mind a little too.

[Steve]

I avoided most news bulletins and newspapers and watched only a little tv. Harder to stop frequentl email checks - must learn to control this rather than it controlling me!

Will post more tomorrow - no access to pc today

Steve

[Steve]

I managed to keep pretty clear of negative news this week which was good - its good to be aware that its all too easy to get sucked into negativity when hearing or reading the news. Just because the 'little' pleasures and good things you notice don't make the news does not means they are any less important - life is made up of lots of little moments.

I managed to avoid wasting too much time on the PC by stopping just surfing for no particular purpose but I struggled with email. With important things going on I find I'm anxious to check if there is any update all too often. But then it takes over your life and I don't want it to do this. I may look into ways of stopping the email updating itself so often and turn off the 'new email' sound which seems to have as much power as the telephone ringing - does anyone manage to ignore the 'phone and let the voicemail answer it instead?

Email and other communication methods are great tools but do we really waht them to take over our lives? This is the question I find most helpful in trying to restore a bit more balance and awareness in this area.

As we are 3 months into the book, I thought I'd review the weeks to date and try to pick out 3 things that I have found most significant. Its not easy to choose between a good number of topics but I've come down to these three:

1) keeping a space (for me its my bedroom) tidy to instil calm and peacefulness (tidy room/tidy mind).
2) just trying to be aware and focus on what I'm doing, and doing it more slowly and carefully and being less anxious to get on to something else (this comes out of adopting a less tense posture, handling things more gently, being grateful for little things, enjoying a moments peace whilst waiting
3) being aware of sounds - birdsong still lifts my heart and music can have a profound influence on how I feel.

The coming week is about looking at things with loving eyes. I think the first step in this is becoming aware of how I look at things, particularly my attitude - is it an irritant, a time waster, an obstacle? Or is it something that is beautiful in its own right if I can look at it for what it is without an automatic reaction jumping in and interpreting it for me?

Hope you have a good week

Steve