How to Train an Elephant (book)

[Steve]

i thought I might be OK at this but, no, I keep trying to wander around and do other things while eating breakfast, at lunch I kept looking for something to read or some thoughts/plans to make and kept trying to get on with other things before I'd finished and then after dinner I realised I'd wolfed it all down without noticing much of it!

I've got to slow down and savour it! This might be a good idea for the wine too - maybe I can get more enjoyment out of a glass by sipping it slowly and mindfully than by moving on to a second, or third.....

Steve

[FeeHutch]

I seem to be one way or the other.

At breakfast I was eating, child wrangling and uploading a blog post all at once. I was considering this during my swim this morning and decided to really try at lunch time. I'd already planned to have soup and thought about getting something nice for 'afters'.

So I went to the posh bakery, mindfully considered what my body
felt like (& was surprised to discover it was not the triple chocolate cheesecake I'd expected). They put it in a pretty box, tied it with a bow and it felt like something to really relish not eat quickly and guiltily.

When I got home I cleaned up the kitchen and actually set a place at the table which I never do. I selected a cup and bowl, prepared the soup and then sat quietly eating. I put my spoon down as much as I could between mouthfuls and paid attention. It took me a lot longer to eat this way. When I finished I checked in with myself and discovered I was comfortably full so choose to save my treat for later in the day and split it with my husband.

This feels like a major step for me but I'm aware I had the luxury of time, privacy and quiet. I certainly didn't manage half as well during a busy dinner time!

The fact we are noticing is the great thing, you are already aware of the different ways you are experiencing distraction
The wine question is an interesting one, I've been wondering where getting drunk sits with mindfulness. I find the idea of really savouring a glass of wine or really good rum might be the way forward
Fiona

[Steve]

This week has been a challenge: I found I could eat breakfast on my own mindfully and the occasional 'treat', eg chocolate during the day but when eating with others I'm either listening or participating in the conversation so tend to forge the idea of eating mindfully (and it seems anti-social to do so unless everyone else is doing the same or the conversation is steered around to the food itself.

Other possible ways to help being mindful/appreciative might be to grow more of own food and the person who cooked the meal is more likely to want to enjoy it (rather than eat it unconsciously). As you suggest, making an occasion of something like a cake is also another way. Also when one realises that your food becomes you (or at least your body), it makes you more careful about what goes in!

This week has also made me realise that multi-tasking (eg eating whilst doing something else) is short-sighted. Its better to do one thing at a time, do it well and enjoy it, complete it if you can (or at least a stage) and then move onto the next thing - this is much more enjoyable and more rewarding.

How did you get on?

Steve

[Steve]

Review of year so far

I have found this one week at a time step by step process very effective in actually doing the exercises, learning from them and establishing them as habits.

I am still using my left hand for teeth cleaning and washing up, I am still keeping my bedroom tidy and using this as a calm place for a short meditation each day (usually after my shower and before getting dressed), I am a bit more careful about how I speak (trying to sound cheerful and being clear), I am appreciative of what my body can do for me (rather than focussing on any ailments) and I make sure I sit and eat breakfast (and do nothing else) rather than multi-tasking morning routines and hence starting the day in a rushing frame of mind. So the year has got off to a good start and I'm optimistic about the rest!

I have also found it very useful to share the experience on here with Fiona (and anyone else reading!) - this is a great motivation to keep to the schedule and to keep going and it helps consolidate the learnings and experiences.

It would be great if others would like to join in too. I don't think the chapters of the book follow any particular sequence so anyone can join in without the need to 'catch-up' on chapters already covered. My great weakness with mindfulness is letting the practice slip unless I am attending regular classes (which I have not done for a while) and only coming back to it when things have deteriorated to an extent that I try again. Working through a book step by step (and the chapters are very short) provides a great way of maintaining a practice and appreciating the benefits and doing it with others (even if only only via this forum) is a huge re-enforcement of this (as well as the extra learning and support that others provide. I think my experience of the year so far shows its worthwhile (and enjoyable).

Maybe we could recruit some more participants via Twitter? We are probably not the only people who would find this a positive experience. Its a very informal and easy practice yet the week by week approach builds up into something worthwhile. What do others think?

Steve

[FeeHutch]

Hi Steve and everyone reading

Firstly Steve I have to agree that updating this thread every week is helping me keep focused on the tasks and keeping me motivated to continue too. I lost my way a bit after I had finished the initial programme laid out in the first book I read about mindfulness but between using the insight timer app for formal practice and this book for more informal work I feel like mindfulness has become a very important and natural part of my life. Sharing thoughts and experiences here is also very important to my growing understanding of mindfulness too of course.


OK so mindful eating. Well, I didn't expect every day would be as easy as I found last Monday. I haven't managed to give so much time and attention to a meal since. I expected that because I accepted this would prove a big challenge for me and haven't beaten myself up about it - a big change in itself. What I have noticed also is that I have wanted to cook new things, explore new tastes and also I am listening to my body more. For example the other day I opened a cupboard and spotted a snickers bar. Previously I would have eat it because I had seen it. This time I just thought 'do I really want that right now' and the response was no, but some wholemeal bread and butter would be lovely. It may sound strange but just thinking about what I actually want rather than going with whatever has popped into my head and then choosing to ignore the fact I am eating it because then I'll feel so guilty is a huge step.

So like I have with the previous tasks I will try to continue to be mindful of what I have learnt so far. I am finding a bit easier to use my none dominant hand, clear up after myself, observe my hands and think about what I want to say first so I don't resort to filler words. I think that is because I haven't put pressure on myself to do all those things at all times because I would fail. I just notice that I am remembering and doing these things more.

I am really finding this book very compassionate and gentle to engage with. It doesn't feel too easy but neither is it unrealistic and overwhelming.

I am going to post a link to this post on twitter Steve and hopefully more people will come and join us. Anyone currently reading along please feel free too. You are welcome to jump in. We will be starting week 6 on Monday or you may want to start at week 1 and post your experiences too.

Fiona

[FeeHutch]

OK so week 6 - give someone close a genuine compliment a day.
I'm looking forward to this, for me it links into being more aware of what's going on and expressing my thoughts more clearly without filler words.
Long before I first encountered mindfulness I had a moment of clarity regarding compliments. At the time I was working in a very difficult team. Back stabbing and bullying seemed to be the accepted norm. I was miserable and as I wouldn't join in I found myself excluded. One day I was trying to get past a group of colleagues stood at a desk. They were ignoring me. I said 'mind out, fat bird coming through' they glanced at me and moved slightly.
I went and sat down and suddenly thought, I don't need anyone to be mean to me I'm already mean to myself. I either made derogatory remarks about myself and refused to accept any compliments because I though doing so would make me arrogant. I resolved then and there to both accept compliments for the little gifts they were and to give them genuinely and without embarrassment from then on.

That was about 5 years ago and it felt so right that it stuck. It's always good to be reminded and refocused too. Anyway that's my thoughts, looking forward to hearing yours

[JonW]

I was taken by FeeHutch's question about alcohol and where it sits with mindfulness. It's something I've been planning to ask Nick, my course teacher, but I haven't got around to it. Maybe I'm a little nervous he might assume I'm an alcoholic...
I'm not an alcoholic. But I do enjoy a drink some evenings. I have tried meditating on a stinking hangover and it was far from successful. I've also tried meditating after a glass of wine or a pint of beer and that's been a far more peaceful experience. A different experience from meditating when completely sober which, I hasten to add, I am for the vast majority of the time.

[FeeHutch]

It is an interesting question Jon.
For me I am no longer meant to drink very much alcohol at all, partly because of the cocktail of drugs I take and partly because hang overs post haemorrhage are extra brutal. I don't always remember this though I confess!

I have pondered this for a while now and think the occasional glass of something nice can be mindfully enjoyed but getting drunk seems to be the opposite of mindfulness. With this in mind (and my own particular circumstances to boot) I am going to try and aim for no more than 1 drink in an evening/night out/party and see how that feels

[JonW]

I do see what you mean about drunkenness being the opposite of mindfulness. I think about Facebook in a similar way.
I guess if one happens to be drunk then it pays to be as mindful as possible, especially if one is walking home in the dark...

[FeeHutch]

I do see what you mean about drunkenness being the opposite of mindfulness. I think about Facebook in a similar way.
I guess if one happens to be drunk then it pays to be as mindful as possible, especially if one is walking home in the dark...

I believe that could well be true