chronic anxiety

[yardenmodan]

Hi everybody,
For a long time now I have been suffering from ongoing anxiety. I have a really weird anxiety where I'm scared people would tell me I look sad/depressed/bothered. (i know how strange this is sound for most of you, but that is what anxiety is all about- irrational thoughts).
I can't remeber how or when this thought came to my life, but i estimate it has been in my life for several years now, there are times in which the anxiety is getting stronger and vice versa.
As for now the anxiety ruins my life in countless ways: Im avoiding social gatherings, Im too worried of my future, i'm a student and i tend to bother myself with my fears rather than focusing on studies. That thing got worse as i took off my medications ( honestly, i became tired of them because I already reached the maximum dose and still had anxiety )
I think the main issue with the anxiety is that it affects my emotions and the physical feelings become more tangible e.g. I become more and more aware of my facial experssions (heavy eyelids, trembling lips , serious droopy face especially in social places) which make the anxiety look more real and there goes the vicious cycle- I believe the anxiety.
I'm using Headspace (on and off though) for meditating and to quiet my thoughts.
But even as i meditate I feel strong pressure in my chest and belly ,sweating or trembling, rapid heart rate(etc..). and so it becomes very hard to let go of rumination because im afraid it will always be like that and i want to solve it for once and for all.
How can i handle my anxiety and what should i do regarding meditation?

Thanks

[Peter]

Welcome to the forum, and thanks for sharing your story.

Don't despair. The best treatment for anxiety is exposure therapy. It really is! Mindfulness can help you with that, because it lets you see things more as they really are, and not how you think or feel they are.

In your particular case, I recommend:

* Reading Ellen Hendrikson's book "How to be yourself".
* Doing a mindfulness course (ditch Head space)
* Doing exposure therapy

In your case I'd recommend against teaching yourself mindfulness, because you're having troubles with it. In a course you'd express your troubles in a group and be guided by a teacher.

I also recommend that you have this all guided and overviewed by a psychotherapist, with which you talk about your experiences and discuss actions.

[yardenmodan]

Im already seeing a psychotherapist, and i don't find it that beneficial frankly.
another thing, through out the day i can maintain peacefulness and suddenly some guy says i look sad again (LOL), than i get panic attack, and this serene mind in a blink of an eye becomes bombarded with thoughts (" again!, what am i doing wrong? how the hell am I fixing it? ... now I become afraid of that guy and see him as potential threat) I feel embarrassed and i seek to hide somewhere to avoid any social activity. How to deal with this kind of thing? Especially when i cant sit somewhere and start meditating.

[Peter]

Hi yardenmodal,
You seem to just dismiss my entire advice. You present a new specific situation, and ask for a solution. It doesn't work that way. Your mindset and perspective needs to change, if you want to feel and react differently. This isn't something you can change over night, it is a process. My advice still stands. Please read it very carefully. About the psychotherapist, if this psychotherapist doesn't work for you, and you've tried it a long time, get another! They aren't all the same you know!

[JonW]

I agree with Peter on this.
Find a psychotherapist suitable for you and, if you are interested in mindfulness, approach it in a structured way, preferably with a qualified teacher.
Best wishes,
Jon