Struggling with Anxiety/OCD

[pankajgupta]

I am struggling with Anxiety and depression from feeling this way from last many years. It goes up and down. Since last 3 months its back and has been very high. It starts with me feeling anxious about my sleep and slowly affects my day to day functions where I am unable to focus on anything and intrusive thoughts are bothering me all the time. Though I am doing better than last episode of anxiety but I am not feeling great.

I am practicing mindfulness since quite some time and over the years have gotten better at it but I still feel anxious throughout the day. I am able to sit with breath and thoughts for 30-40 mins but my calmness is not continuous. It comes followed by anxiety then followed by calmness. Part of it is because

- I am still adverse to the allowing anxiety coz its painful and then expectation of not being able to allow it after so many years and then feeling I am not good/ am failure. At same time I realize that I should learn to accept it but I still feel bad.

- Also I usually feel overwhelmed easily by small small things and that is main reason of my anxiety and constant pressure if I have to do something. Mind is overthinking and obsessing about anxiety and anxious thoughts and

- I feel constant pressure of being aware though out the day else anxious thoughts get best of me. Over the years I have learn to identity hidden feelings and emotions behind anxious thoughts but I am still feel afraid and anxious about it.

- I get anxious when I go to bed which gives me insomnia as when I am my mind becomes alert when I am about to sleep and due tow which I am not able to sleep properly and the cycle continues.

- My mind is always racing and impatient. My mind races with thoughts and opinions and I am unable to keep a good focus. Overthinking about everything is the main issue. My moods are up and down as thoughts of self critical judgement, success and failure in terms of handling anxiety race. My mind has gotten into habit of creating a self critical thoughts about anything I decide to do.

Any particular practice I should do or something I am missing?

Thanks,
Pankaj.

[Gareth]

I think you should start thinking about befriending your anxiety and delving into it, rather than fighting it or trying to make it go away.

I'm sorry that I don't have time for a longer reply.

Take a look at this blog; it might help.

https://www.everyday-mindfulness.org/ma ... y-anxiety/

[JonW]

What is your daily practice, pankajgupta?

[pankajgupta]

Hi Jon W,

I practice watching the thoughts and focusing on breath in different sittings for about an hour. But I always see my mind is racing and find restlessness in me. Could you due to GAD I feel about everything. During meditation I feel much better.

[JonW]

Maybe vary your meditations a little? Throw in some body scans, mindful movement, walking meditations etc.?
Cheers,
Jon

[pankajgupta]

Keeping focus is very difficult for me. My Mind of continuously moving and jumping and almost never in state of calm and I feel lot of restlessness. Not sure its anxiety of something else. I decide not to judge but I can see judgement which in turn creates sadness, frustration and feelings of not able to do it right. Is soon as little calm sets in its gone the moment I realize I have calmed down. I try to stay present with it by not reacting to it.

Posting to get some advice. Am I expecting to much from mediation, lot of desires, constant movement of mind?

[Mindsfull]

I think turning toward difficulty style meditations would be good now.

Spending time learning and understanding what the sensations in the body are and where the intensity is and also where it isn't, will allow you to look at it differently. Every part of it. Not thinking about it but truly feeling it is the key. I find I can easily get caught up in thinking about it without even realising it.
But even when your thinking about it, just noticing that's what your doing.
It's through this that I'm able to begin to see things differently.

Also keeping up the breathing meditations as well. Doing them together in a single session.

[JonW]

Great post, Mindsfull. Excellent advice.
Jon

[pankajgupta]

Thanks Mindsful! Would start practicing that