Struggling with the attitudinal foundations of non-judgement, non-striving and acceptance

[palla]

Good morning to everyone, I hope the Christmas period is as enjoyable or quiet and uneventful as you want it to be.

I really struggle with the above concepts, more so when it comes to applying them to mindfulness in everyday life.Can any of you knowledgable folks tell me if I am on the right lines, here?

Acceptance - = accepting that what currently is, is. It does not mean that you cannot then work to change that reality. However, with internal experience should just accept and not try to change it. We should also realising that thoughts and feelings are just that, not the whole of us or necessarily true. We use wise and mindful discernment in decidding whether to act on them and how.

Non-judgement - this doesn't mean that judgement (in terms of good/bad/neutral, like/dislike) doesn't occur. It means that we are aware of our mind automatically doing this and recognise that this acts as a 'filter' on both external events and internal experience. Our aim is to be aware of this judgement by the mind and, again, apply discernment in choosing whether to and how to respond.

Non-striving - in the context of formal sitting this is straightforward enough: we don't try to get anywhere via meditation or yoga. We do it simply to be as present and awake as we can. But what about in everyday life? I appreciate that we should bring awareness to our everyday tasks, like washing-up. But when I am washing up I am striving to get them clean. So if I bring mindfulness to the task it is without the attitudinal foundation of non-striving. So am I truly being mindful of the task at all? OR is non-striving just referring to mindfulness itself in that we are not doing it to get anywhere?

I am sorry for keep asking rudimentary Qs, but I hope that some others starting-out may be helped by my musing 'aloud'.

[Peter]

Hi palla, I think you've a pretty good idea of the concepts. You also seem to get the 'non-striving' at the end of your writing. If you've any other questions, we are glad to help you out.

[JonW]

Hi palla,
It sounds like you have a very good grasp of the concepts that underpin mindfulness practice.
About acceptance...yes, it is about accepting that the present moment has already arrived and that it is what it is - the feelings that are arising, the physical discomfort, the general situation. But a big part of mindfulness is skilful action. If our situation is dire (say that we find ourselves in an abusive relationship), we can take steps to change that. We might decide to leave the relationship or we might decide to raise the issues with our partner.
If we are feeling sad, trying to push away those feelings will not help. In fact, the very act of pushing away is likely to make us feel even worse. So we learn to turn towards those feelings, to be with them compassionately, and to remind ourselves that these feelings, like everything else in the universe, are bound to change.
Mindfulness doesn't imply that we shouldn't make plans. Making plans is a natural part of life. Just be wary of becoming too attached to the outcome. Accept that, however carefully we plan, life has a way of dealing surprises. Some good, some not so good. But it's worthwhile bearing in mind that life will not deliver an endless stream of pleasant experiences. The unpleasant and the unwelcome are both part of the dance that is life.
As for non-striving...I don't think it's necessary to strive to get the dishes clean. When you're washing dishes, just wash dishes. And simply notice if your mind drifts into worries about tomorrow or into ruminations about yesterday. Then bring your attention back to washing the dishes. It's about being present in the moment, being aware of what we are doing, rather than being lost in auto-pilot.
We can't be mindful 24/7. That would be an impossible goal. But mindfulness is as much about noticing that we are not being mindful as it is about deliberately bringing mindfulness to bear on a task or a situation.
Your questions are always welcome.
My best wishes,
Jon

[palla]

In hindsight, when it comes to non-judgement I think I might have been more accurate in saying that internal and external experience is filtered through (e.g.) like/dislike/NEUTRAL, good/bad/NEUTRAL.

I must admit I struggled with acceptance for some time, I couldn't reconcile it (due to my misunderstanding of it) with living in the World. For example, the way I interpreted it, folk in harmful situations would do nothing about those situations. Little wonder I was sceptical about how useful mindfulness is in the 'real' world, with such a wrong interpretation! I kept reading that it is by no means passive resignation, but I couldn't see what else it was, so thanks for affirming my construction of it.

I also must admit I am still struggling with non-striving.

If we weren't striving when we did the dishes, what would motivate us to do the task in the first place and continue with it?

If we take action mindfully (whether physical like doing the dishes or with a cognitive element like writing an essay) should we never strive or be attached to an outcome, then? And if we are striving or attached to an outcome this means we are doing the task less mindfully as a result?

As an aside, I think it would be useful if the classic MBSR texts outlined how to apply these attitudinal foundations in formal practice and everyday life because there are subtle differences, in a World where we have to think and take action in order to participate in the World. Or have I misunderstood the foundations, if I think there ARE these subtle differences?

[JonW]

'If we weren't striving when we did the dishes, what would motivate us to do the task in the first place and continue with it?'

When I was married, a particular look that my wife gave me was motivation enough to get on and do the dishes...Mindfully speaking, try not to see it as a chore. See it as an invitation to simply be for a few minutes, noticing the sensation of the washing liquid on your hands, the sensation of the pans being scrubbed...and notice the satisfaction in completing the task.
The outcome of doing the dishes is simply to get the dishes done.

Particular outcomes are sometimes impossible to avoid. If your boss tells you that the sales report needs to be on his desk by first thing Monday, it's a good idea to get it done in time. Mindfully, you might decide not to leave it until the last minute but, say, pace yourself over the weekend, ensuring that you find time to relax, spend time with your kids etc.

The key for me is to see each moment as an invitation to be mindful. I've yet to find a situation where mindfulness hasn't been hugely beneficial. After a while, at least in my experience, mindfulness becomes a way of being. The striving tends to fall naturally by the wayside.

In terms of the difference between what happens on the meditation bench and what happens in the rest of the day, I like to think of the time I spend meditating as the practice and the rest of the day as meditation.

All best,
Jon