What is holding you back?

[Xaric]

Throughout the years, I have spoken with many people who have meditated at least for once in their lives and most of them have quit.

When asking them why I have gotten a range of very weird but rather creative answers.

I have given up my practice as well for 2-3 times in the past and to tell you the truth it was because I didn't truly believe that it was working for me or maybe that it was of no true good use (over the years I realized that I was dead wrong!)

What is your excuse? What is your reason for giving up mindfulness or not practicing consistently and passionately?

[alexcr87]

I've given up a couple times as well. Still being a student at 30 years old and working on top of it, I guess my main excuse is "I don't have time" - when I have had no problem making time for other things in my schedule that also count a lot (e.g. sports). Funny how when you dig only superficially you immediately find those excuse have no ground.

Also, I think I've always had a hard time letting go of my expectations towards meditation (supposed to make you feel good/calm/whatever, improve your "behaviour", your reactions to life events, etc.). I think this is the hardest part at least for me : conciliate a dedicated practice with the absence of expectation.

[JonW]

I regularly meet people whose practice has lapsed and they are looking to get back into it.
Those who do lapse tend to have an irregular (rather than a daily) practice; their practice is usually limited to one type of short meditation - rather than a range of sits, body scans, walking meditation, mindful movement etc.; they have never done an 8-week course and so never managed to get a proper grounding in the practice; they have never read any of the many great books about mindfulness that are out there; they have never looked into meditating with others...
Those are the reasons that come up again and again.
Cheers,
Jon

[Xaric]

I guess my main excuse is "I don't have time"

Also, I think I've always had a hard time letting go of my expectations towards meditation (supposed to make you feel good/calm/whatever, improve your "behavior", your reactions to life events, etc.). I think this is the hardest part at least for me: conciliate a dedicated practice with the absence of expectation.

I can totally relate to this. I have actually quit my practice 2-3 times before succeeding in making it a part of my life and it was all due to those exact same reasons.

Moreover, most of the people that I have talked with who have practiced meditation for some time and have quit, are using almost the exact same excuses.

Jon, I have found that inconsistency in mindfulness practice is directly correlated with one's inability to actually keep up their practice.

Was there something that held you back when you were a beginner, Jon?

[alexcr87]

May I add a few words in between to supplement my last comment : I suspect I had this thought when I read Wherever You Go There You Are, but I think the key lies in letting go of preconceived ideas about "meditation making us better". I think it would still be true to say that it does indeed make us "better" in some way, but that as long as we have preconceived ideas about what this "better" really is then this is an impediment to our practice. For exemple, we could have the preconceived idea that "making us better" would mean "making us more calm, never angry, etc." and this would be wrong. I think we have to 1) accept that those preconceived ideas about us being "better" are probably always false/misconstructed and 2) be open about this "betterness" and whatever form it could take (for exemple : we could still be angry, but fortunately be more aware of its effect).

Would you agree? This is a difficult topic, but I find it important to understand it correctly as I suspect it directly affects - precisely - the motivation to meditate (at least for me).

Also, I can totally relate to what Jon is saying : this year I've started yoga and read Jon Kabat-Zinn's excellent book, and diversifying my "mindfulness" activities this way has led me to reinforce a lot my commitment to a daily practice. I think there is another important key in what Jon has mentioned.

[Xaric]

@alexcr87 I actually started meditating because I was an overthinker and I wanted to become calmer.

I believe that everyone who starts practicing meditation has an end goal in mind. No person has ever started meditating because they "like doing it".

The trap that most people fall in, including me, is that as soon as they sit for their meditation session, they start looking for results.

This kind of attitude actually makes them more upset, impatient, and unwilling to keep practicing.

breath 1 - breath 2 - "I don't seem to become any calmer/happier" - breath 3 - "OMG this does not work for me" - breath 4 - "This is hopeless I am not getting calmer/happier" - breath 5 - "F$%K, S&1t, C5@P, I hate my mind, myself, and this practice... I quit!"

That's how I used to think about my practice for a while after starting practicing and that's one of the reasons that I gave it up for a number of times, some years back.

I am now practicing mindfulness almost daily for 3 years straight and what helped me achieve this kind of consistency is that I STOPPED LOOKING FOR ANY RESULTS.

Concluding, I believe that to start and keep practicing meditation you absolutely should have an end result in mind. At the same time, you should be detached from this end goal; you should stop caring about achieving it.

Just keep practicing meditation for the sake of it.

One day you will look back and realize how much it has changed you.

[alexcr87]

Good to see some balance can be found between looking for an end result and being detached from it. Those are wise words.

[MiM]

I maybe didn't start meditating "because I like it", but I actually do like it a lot (once I get myself to sit). I also feel I am getting a lot of benefit out of it. I haven't ever completely lost my practice since I started, but at some times it has been very thin. Why? I don't really know. Maybe life happened?

Even though JonW seems to claim the opposite, I sometimes wonder if the strong demand/recommendations from the community to keep the practice daily can be detrimental at least to some of us. Rigidity isn't for everyone, and many that fail the daily practice and then give up could perhaps keep a flourishing practice on looser terms, with the right kind of encouragement?

[Xaric]

I totally understand...

Well, I guess that a little practice is better than no practice at all.

Every person is different so everyone has to keep in mind their very own needs.

I am currently formally practicing 5 out of 7 days and it works just fine for me but I also try to have moments of informal practice throughout all my days.

Maybe you should consider finding a way to make your practice a daily habit. This might help you with being consistent.

What worked for me was reducing the duration of my practice from 20 minutes to only 2-3 minutes with only one condition... I had to practice it daily.

This way, even if I was very busy or maybe bored I was all like "Come on man... It is just 3 minutes".

Now, a few months later, I am still saying to myself every day "Let's sit for just 3 minutes and we will see how it goes"...
Sometimes I find myself practicing up to 40 minutes without even trying.

This is what worked for me!

Maybe you should give this a try as well

Xaric!

[Peter]

In my experience 2-3 minutes of formal practice per day doesn't do anything.

I've experimented with the length and for me 20 minutes per day doesn't do much either (tested it for months). I've also tried 30 minutes.

Some 'meditation authorities' recommend 45 minutes per day, and for me that truly makes the difference ('tested' it for years).

I truly cannot recommend 2-3 minutes per day, just for the sake of being able to maintain a structure. Although anything is better than nothing, I suppose.

I recommend that one tries to empirically test what works best for them. Just try 20 minutes for a month, then 30 minutes, then 45 minutes.

I think the best motivator is the results. One could be doing 20 minutes per day, and notice hardly any results. It would be difficult to stay motivated then. But it could be a lot easier to do 45 minutes than 20 per day, if one experienced great results then.