Subtly Avoiding Feelings

[KanR]

Hello all,

I'm new to the forum. I have been practicing mindfulness meditation for about 5 years now, though less frequently in the past two years. I have mostly practiced on my own, learning from books and online articles. I did go to a few meditation group meetings and a few meditation classes.

Most things I read said to accept the feelings that arise in your practice - to simply observe them and be willing to let them go. I tried to do this, but I think I still developed a subtle habit of trying to push "difficult" feelings out of my mind while meditating.

For some background, shortly after I started practicing mindfulness I went through a difficult situation that affected my life in a serious way for a long time. I was a little desperate to find some relief from the stress and upsetting feelings during this time. I hoped that mindfulness would provide some relief from what I was struggling with. I ended up developing some problems with chronic anxiety during this time.

Anyways, I actually got to the point where meditation would cause me to become significantly more anxious so I stopped practicing. However, recently when I was going through an anxious moment I started to meditate, to see if it might help. This time, though, I focused on the anxiety, trying to face it head on and let myself experience it out without pushing it away. To my surprise, I actually felt significantly relieved after this.

What I am wondering is, is this a common experience? Has this been a pitfall for anyone else trying to learn meditation - this tendency to subtly push away less comfortable inner experiences? Does anyone have any experience getting past this sort of thing in their practice?

[Matt Y]

Hi KanR,

That's an excellent observation. And yes, it's extremely common. In fact, we all have this tendency to push away uncomfortable thoughts and feelings— and we'll all do it some of the time. However, being aware of this tendency is useful, and having developed the courage to do the counter-intuitive thing — and face these experiences head on, is the more mature and helpful long-term strategy.

You may like to check out the current series of talks on Tricycle Magazine on Spiritual Bypassing, which addresses this issue directly. You have to subscribe to Tricyle Online to access the talks, but it's pretty inexpensive, and you'll get access to a wide range of good quality information on meditation and mindfulness (albeit, with a Buddhist flavour). The relevant link is: https://tricycle.org/dharmatalks/acknow ... al-bypass/

[JonW]

Hi KanR,
Welcome to the forum.
Great post!
Maybe it's time to revisit Turning Towards Difficulty meditations?
Let us know how you get along.
Best wishes,
Jon

[Gareth]

However, recently when I was going through an anxious moment I started to meditate, to see if it might help. This time, though, I focused on the anxiety, trying to face it head on and let myself experience it out without pushing it away. To my surprise, I actually felt significantly relieved after this.

This is right on the money in relation to what mindfulness meditation teaches.

[arguseyed]

I have been taking some classes in Somatic Experiencing (treating trauma with mindfulness) and that is what I learnt. When the feeling arises, track it in the body, keep tracking it and it will change as you acknowledge it.

[Antonio94]

Thanks to your sharing and yes I agree, your experience is quite common.
When I and other colleagues learned psychology with my professor, many of us fall into "pit-trap" which is meditating. They think that meditation is a way to avoid situation, avoid bad feelings and tensions they encountered in life. However, this isn't what meditation provide. Meditation is a way to face our inner self because when we sit down and do nothing, it isn't actually do nothing, it's when we start to recall memory, both bad and good. And so people often try neglect those feeling and bad memory, while the better way is to face and accept what we are and what we used to be. And with power of meditation, we can finally face ourselves, then calm ourselves, and accept that we're not perfect but we can change for the better days.
All of these are what I learned so I think it's quite true, atleast in my experience.

[monkey]

This sounds very familiar to me too. I have periods of really struggling with difficult feelings, anxiety, low mood, and the struggle is all about trying to 'fix' those things, that I shouldn't be feeling them, what's the point of all this practice if I still have to suffer this, I should be calm and peaceful, trying to cheer myself up, trying, trying, trying, finding more and more techniques to force my brain away from this difficulty.

And then at some point I realise what I'm doing and just try to feel it ('what is this?') and be kind to myself ('this is hard, what do I need?') and it's like its own kind of release. But I get caught a lot in a trap about the practice 'improving' me and why am I not improved yet. I have to remind myself of Jon's words, that it's about learning to be with what's here.

Anyway, I've just been through this whole cycle. So yes, I think it's very common!

[Mindsfull]

This is exactly where I am in my practice right now. After focussing on the breath for a long time and body scans which were making me calmer I never really got much out of the turning towards difficult meditations as I was never able to feel anxious when thinking of stuff. For some reason I find this much easier now so the last 5 weeks or so have been mainly turning towards difficulty style meditations and I have realised after finally 'achieving' the ability to feel anxious while meditating I get to a point where I notice I'm not quite '100%' accepting it. I'm accepting it but then I've realised there just that slight part of me pushing it away a little bit to say 'let's not go all in just in case' or 'that's enough now I might have a full blown panic attack here'.

It's been an interesting journey and for the first time I've been able to go through really difficult emotion that I've previously avoided by not doing certain things.

The only trouble I have now is doing it again and again to practice feeling the uncomfortable feelings. Its like... I can feel this unwnted anxiety building and I'm able to watch it. Then I procrastinate trying it again for a few days because it's scary or tiring or 'I don't think I have the fight in me today' and this is my cycle at the moment.

Anyway... slight ramble there but felt like sharing.

[Peter]

Hi Mindsfull,
Thanks for sharing! Great observations, and progress!

[boydy]

All discomforts during meditation will manifest themselves as a mix of four sensation types; mass, temperature, fluidity and motion. Anxiety, normally manifests as tightness in the stomach or lack of motion as well heat in the face for example. If you focus 100% on these sensations they normally dissolve after just 30 to 60 seconds. A very simple and effective way of moving through past painful experiences without having to re-live them.