Registered on this forum because I really want to learn mindfulness

[Gareth]

Ah, you're talking about testing the validity of your thoughts, which I would recommend 100%.

[japa.guru]

Hello!

It is difficult to detach yourself from your thoughts and not become so engrossed in them. Detaching does not need to seem so cold and inhuman. For me, detachment is to not react to your thoughts. When your thoughts consume you, you act unconsciously. When you can witness your thoughts you are not consumed by them and they do not have the same power of you.

It is a long difficult road and you will not progress with out hard work and determination. It is good that you are taking steps with meditation etc. From a personal point of view I found that Vipassana mediation was the way that I developed a good practice and improved my general well-being.

Everyone is different but I think that it is worth reading about Vipassana with an open mind - Google search for 'dhamma vipassana'

I hope this helps

[Spikeycloud]

Hello!

It is difficult to detach yourself from your thoughts and not become so engrossed in them. Detaching does not need to seem so cold and inhuman. For me, detachment is to not react to your thoughts. When your thoughts consume you, you act unconsciously. When you can witness your thoughts you are not consumed by them and they do not have the same power of you.

It is a long difficult road and you will not progress with out hard work and determination. It is good that you are taking steps with meditation etc. From a personal point of view I found that Vipassana mediation was the way that I developed a good practice and improved my general well-being.

Everyone is different but I think that it is worth reading about Vipassana with an open mind - Google search for 'dhamma vipassana'

I hope this helps

Thanks I certainly will look into it with an open mind. I have a very open mind btw. I even tried some strange psychedelics and they taught me that really everything is a reflection of yourself. In a way that the mind creates the world around you based on what you believe. This might sound logical on a conceptual level – but if you actually experience this is the case it is a whole different ballgame. And it makes it also even more frustrating that you cannot make those changes sober because I know I can have a much better life if those negative believes are gone. My thoughts even ruin the intimate events…so it is really important for me not to get caught up in them.

[japa.guru]

Hello!

It is difficult to detach yourself from your thoughts and not become so engrossed in them. Detaching does not need to seem so cold and inhuman. For me, detachment is to not react to your thoughts. When your thoughts consume you, you act unconsciously. When you can witness your thoughts you are not consumed by them and they do not have the same power of you.

It is a long difficult road and you will not progress with out hard work and determination. It is good that you are taking steps with meditation etc. From a personal point of view I found that Vipassana mediation was the way that I developed a good practice and improved my general well-being.

Everyone is different but I think that it is worth reading about Vipassana with an open mind - Google search for 'dhamma vipassana'

I hope this helps

Thanks I certainly will look into it with an open mind. I have a very open mind btw. I even tried some strange psychedelics and they taught me that really everything is a reflection of yourself. In a way that the mind creates the world around you based on what you believe. This might sound logical on a conceptual level – but if you actually experience this is the case it is a whole different ballgame. And it makes it also even more frustrating that you cannot make those changes sober because I know I can have a much better life if those negative believes are gone. My thoughts even ruin the intimate events…so it is really important for me not to get caught up in them.

Good on you - an open mind is a great tool for overcoming what you are going through.
I understand what you are saying - our world is a social construct and you can understand this on the theoretical level but it is very different from actually experiencing it, as you have with your experience with psychedelics.
I think that psychedelics can have their positives - as you have seen - but it is like looking through a window and never being able to walk through the door.
Everyone is different but Vipassana has helped me the most so I hope that it may be of benefit to you. It is intense but if you really want to overcome this, which I know you do, then it is a good option to try.

[Spikeycloud]

Hello!

It is difficult to detach yourself from your thoughts and not become so engrossed in them. Detaching does not need to seem so cold and inhuman. For me, detachment is to not react to your thoughts. When your thoughts consume you, you act unconsciously. When you can witness your thoughts you are not consumed by them and they do not have the same power of you.

It is a long difficult road and you will not progress with out hard work and determination. It is good that you are taking steps with meditation etc. From a personal point of view I found that Vipassana mediation was the way that I developed a good practice and improved my general well-being.

Everyone is different but I think that it is worth reading about Vipassana with an open mind - Google search for 'dhamma vipassana'

I hope this helps

Thanks I certainly will look into it with an open mind. I have a very open mind btw. I even tried some strange psychedelics and they taught me that really everything is a reflection of yourself. In a way that the mind creates the world around you based on what you believe. This might sound logical on a conceptual level – but if you actually experience this is the case it is a whole different ballgame. And it makes it also even more frustrating that you cannot make those changes sober because I know I can have a much better life if those negative believes are gone. My thoughts even ruin the intimate events…so it is really important for me not to get caught up in them.

Good on you - an open mind is a great tool for overcoming what you are going through.
I understand what you are saying - our world is a social construct and you can understand this on the theoretical level but it is very different from actually experiencing it, as you have with your experience with psychedelics.
I think that psychedelics can have their positives - as you have seen - but it is like looking through a window and never being able to walk through the door.
Everyone is different but Vipassana has helped me the most so I hope that it may be of benefit to you. It is intense but if you really want to overcome this, which I know you do, then it is a good option to try.

I already looked a bit into it. But your post drives me to do it some more. I let u know what I do after Did you try some psychedellics as well btw?

[Matt Y]

Hi Spikeycloud,

I haven't been on the forum for a while so missed this discussion until now.

Most of the talk has been about thoughts and how best to change or relate to them.

I'd like to suggest that there is a hidden cause of these difficulties. Namely that your nervous system is probably over-aroused to some degree most of the time. When this is the case, thoughts seem more real. Adrenaline and other stress hormones running through the blood stream are effectively sending a message to the brain saying "This is no time to relax, we've got important problems to sort out." They put the brain on high alert, so everything gets treated like an emergency. If your nervous system / body is continually sending your mind this kind of message your thoughts will likely remain problematic.

In order to change this thinking, you need to work with the body and nervous system, rather than the mind. In other words, you need to learn how to relax. Meditation will help you with this. Deliberate relaxed breathing is the most reliable means of calming down the nervous system.

Here are some very simple instructions you may like to try.

1. Sit or lie down, ensuring that you are comfortable.
2. Take some time to notice what you can see and hear in your immediate environment, and at some point allow your eyes to close.
3. Tune into your thoughts briefly, acknowledging what you are — and have been — thinking about. Get a sense of how active your mind is and the qualities of your thinking at present.
4. Then become aware of how you are breathing.
5. Begin, very gently to extend the exhalation, breathing out through the mouth slowly and softly.
6. Continue, breathing normally, but allowing each subsequent breath to be slower and softer still.
7. Finally, relinquish all control of the breath and just let it flow naturally.
8. Continue for five to ten minutes in this fashion.

* Don't worry if you get distracted or caught up in your thoughts frequently.
* Be curious about your experience.
* Treat yourself as a mother would treat an upset child (with kindness and compassion).
* Don't treat the meditation like an exam. Treat it like an experiment and let whatever you experience be okay.

Good luck.

[Spikeycloud]

Hi Spikeycloud,

I haven't been on the forum for a while so missed this discussion until now.

Most of the talk has been about thoughts and how best to change or relate to them.

I'd like to suggest that there is a hidden cause of these difficulties. Namely that your nervous system is probably over-aroused to some degree most of the time. When this is the case, thoughts seem more real. Adrenaline and other stress hormones running through the blood stream are effectively sending a message to the brain saying "This is no time to relax, we've got important problems to sort out." They put the brain on high alert, so everything gets treated like an emergency. If your nervous system / body is continually sending your mind this kind of message your thoughts will likely remain problematic.

In order to change this thinking, you need to work with the body and nervous system, rather than the mind. In other words, you need to learn how to relax. Meditation will help you with this. Deliberate relaxed breathing is the most reliable means of calming down the nervous system.

Here are some very simple instructions you may like to try.

1. Sit or lie down, ensuring that you are comfortable.
2. Take some time to notice what you can see and hear in your immediate environment, and at some point allow your eyes to close.
3. Tune into your thoughts briefly, acknowledging what you are — and have been — thinking about. Get a sense of how active your mind is and the qualities of your thinking at present.
4. Then become aware of how you are breathing.
5. Begin, very gently to extend the exhalation, breathing out through the mouth slowly and softly.
6. Continue, breathing normally, but allowing each subsequent breath to be slower and softer still.
7. Finally, relinquish all control of the breath and just let it flow naturally.
8. Continue for five to ten minutes in this fashion.

* Don't worry if you get distracted or caught up in your thoughts frequently.
* Be curious about your experience.
* Treat yourself as a mother would treat an upset child (with kindness and compassion).
* Don't treat the meditation like an exam. Treat it like an experiment and let whatever you experience be okay.

Good luck.

This is extremely funny that you say that - I did use amphetamines and some other stims some time ago. That might have put my dopamine and Adrenaline system out of wack. Al ways suspected that, that had something to do with it.

[Spikeycloud]

I believe that I have to explain a bit deeper how my mind works.

In the past I never had any problems and lived life as most people do. It is in recent years that this all took a big shift. And that big shift makes that I almost have no choice to change some things and practice mindfulness. I have to explain this very carefully.

After I heard we are not our thoughts – and experienced this on psychedelics as well – I did not like it at all. Most people find it liberating I find it actually very disturbing. The reason for this is that it feels for me that I’m not real. The person that I’m the whole day is essentially not me and this creates suffering in me. I realize that this is probably a thought but that does not make me feel better so to speak. At the current state my mind creates a lot of negativity automatically without my permission. One could say that if I was one with my mind my state would be even worse I dunno. If that is true how come that I lived more happily in the past? Was my mind more positive then? If so – why can’t I make my mind more positive now. Even though I know they are just thoughts as well – it would be a lot better than having those negative thoughts.

So that’s why I find it important to change my believes and thoughts. I feel now that they completely take me over and I’m feeling sometimes powerless to do something about this. A good example of this is when I want to approach a woman. I know from a conceptual level that it is better to do so because even if it goes wrong – you can always learn from it. But when I’m in those situations myself, I cannot seem to focus on that truth. And there are thousands of other things like this that I do automatically that that I would not have done if the mind did not take me over. This is extremely frustrating for me because it feels like me that I do not take everything out of life.
Even though I might be not those thoughts…I experience them being me most of the time of my life (and prob will do for the rest). And like I said I didn’t have any problems in the past when I was my mind and did not even know anything about this. Also the biggest problem is not these thoughts it is as well that I automatically expect those thoughts to happen


I hope I explained it a bit