Registered on this forum because I really want to learn mindfulness

[Spikeycloud]

Hi I recently registered this forum because I really want to start mindfulness. For some time now I’m haunted by my mind a lot of the time making life extremely hard and not very fun. My mind is really negative and it really pains me that it is that way. It feels as if I cannot control myself because the mind is so dominated a lot of the time. Like when I want to do something my mind often bombards with negative thoughts that I cannot focus on the now anymore. No matter how hard I try to think positive or do my best the mind always seems to win. And even if I do something it doesn’t take long for the mind to come back with the negativity. And the feeling that I cannot change this really makes me feel hopeless sometimes.

The worst things of this is, that I’m aware that the most things the mind projects negative are not true. But even though I know this – the mind takes me for a ride anyway for a big portion of the day. It feels like that I cannot trust myself in certain situations because I know the mind can totally take me over in some random negative (often not true) reflection of the situation that I totally believe in at that moment. IT is a few seconds after it that I become aware of this but then it doesn’t not take long before the mind takes me in some other negative thing. As you can understand this is very annoying and reduced greatly my quality of life.

I tried a lot thinks, listining to self help audio. Eckhart tolle and a lot of more people.... and even though it all makes sense...it never sticks somehow and I'm always reverted back to the old negative self.

My goal not to get influenced by the mind so much so that I can do what I want and that the mind will eventually help me instead of working against me all the time. I love to explain more of this but I think that the post will be too long.

Do other people here find themselves in the problems I described above? If so how did you experience that and how did you deal with this?

[spoonofconsciousness]

it sounds as though you need to understand yourself a lot more and get comfortable with who you actually are. If there is conflict within you it's because there are parts of you that you've yet to accept and understand. Consider the following quote - if the voice in your head is you, who's the one listening to it? This, for me, means that we are the one who is listening to the soul. Our soul is the voice and the physical body is the one who is listening to it - align yourself with who you are to eliminate conflict within. Hope this helps

[Gareth]

Hi, and welcome to the forum - nice to meet you.

I know that right now your mind feels like your enemy, but it really doesn't help to view it as such. As much as as anything, mindfulness is a process of befriending your mind and becoming comfortable with the thoughts it produces. These thoughts vary enormously in how useful they are - everything from inspirational to downright dangerous. Through practice, we begin the process of detaching ourselves from this mental chatter.

Do you currently have a mindfulness practice? If so, what does it look like?

[JonW]

'Do you currently have a mindfulness practice? If so, what does it look like?'

Excellent question.
Most people find that their practice requires a structure to be beneficial.
Have a think about doing a course - either with a teacher, online or via a book.
Cheers,
Jon

[niroxki]

Hi Spikeycloud

This part of your post rang a bell with me:

The worst things of this is, that I’m aware that the most things the mind projects negative are not true. But even though I know this – the mind takes me for a ride anyway for a big portion of the day.

I am struggling with my problems and I have come to this question many many times. Why am I doing this although I know it is wrong?I thought on this and I came by some points that may be relevant to the answer, I found them meaningful about myself:

1- I think I know this is wrong but how well do I really know? Many many times I have experienced that when I am angry I cannot remember why anger is not good? Even when I am not angry there are many times that I cannot clearly and swiftly articulate what is wrong with my anger.

2- I know what I am doing is wrong, e.g. I know that running away is not useful here, BUT not running away is also unpleasant for me, I don't know how to cope, how to stay.

3- I feel these negative thoughts and behaviors have got some habitual quality, my mind and brain just moves much easier on their tracks, these patterns can quite quickly capture my mental resources, so some how it is like quitting a bad habit. May be learning about quitting habits can help me.

Mindfulness have helped me in different ways:

1- It just feels good to be concentrated!

2- It helps me to slowdown my mind when I am rushing into bad mental and behavioral patterns.

3- And when I have slowed down sometimes I think by myself "when I can be like this why should I mess things up again?", sometimes it helps me to let go of unhelpful mental states easier.

4- Sometimes when I slow down and a negative thought or urge arises I see it is really optional to take the wrong track, and I don't take it, it is really helpful to feel it intimately.

But this practices needs to be patient, and kind to oneself, it takes some time, but I found it worth trying.
I think It is good to have it in your mental toolkit!

[Spikeycloud]

Hi, and welcome to the forum - nice to meet you.

I know that right now your mind feels like your enemy, but it really doesn't help to view it as such. As much as as anything, mindfulness is a process of befriending your mind and becoming comfortable with the thoughts it produces. These thoughts vary enormously in how useful they are - everything from inspirational to downright dangerous. Through practice, we begin the process of detaching ourselves from this mental chatter.

Do you currently have a mindfulness practice? If so, what does it look like?

Thanks for the reply (also for the others of course)

I recently starting meditating daily . I did meditate in the past...but never daily more like 2-3 times a week at most. Now I recently (2-3 weeks) just started again to do it daily for 10 minutes with the head space app. I find it not very fun to do to be honest - but because the the thoughts are so negative I kinda have no other choice Also I hope that I can benefit from it. That I make choice based on logic and love instead of fear

Do you guys have recommendations what I can do more? Keep in mind that I learned the quickest if I take little baby steps.

Edit: I would also like to add. That I find it difficult to accept that we are not our thoughts. In a sense that makes me feel that I'm not real - maybe this is a wrong perception. I think that this is also hindering my progress because I worry and think about this a lot.

[JonW]

'That I find it difficult to accept that we are not our thoughts. In a sense that makes me feel that I'm not real - maybe this is a wrong perception.'

The vast majority of your thought are not true. That's all it's saying really.
Try varying your meditation practice. Don't just sit. Do body scans, mindful movements, walking meditations - vary the times. Do longer meditations and shorter ones. Meditate to music. Whatever. Keep it fresh.
JW

[Spikeycloud]

'That I find it difficult to accept that we are not our thoughts. In a sense that makes me feel that I'm not real - maybe this is a wrong perception.'

The vast majority of your thought are not true. That's all it's saying really.
Try varying your meditation practice. Don't just sit. Do body scans, mindful movements, walking meditations - vary the times. Do longer meditations and shorter ones. Meditate to music. Whatever. Keep it fresh.
JW

Yeah you're absolutely right about most thoughts not being true. However for me it feels that the thoughts have too much control over me it feels as if my life is controlled to whichever the thoughts want me to go and because the thoughts are negative for some time now this is very frustrating. So my goal with mindfulness is not only to detach from those thoughts but also change them so that they help me instead of working against me most of the time. And of course to get rid of the false thoughts but I find that - that is extremely scary sometimes.

[Gareth]

. And of course to get rid of the false thoughts

Just remember that you can never get rid of the false thoughts. It's your brain's job to think, and it will continue doing so for the rest of your life.My view is that it is important to lose any goal oriented view of meditation as soon as possible.

[Spikeycloud]

. And of course to get rid of the false thoughts

Just remember that you can never get rid of the false thoughts. It's your brain's job to think, and it will continue doing so for the rest of your life.My view is that it is important to lose any goal oriented view of meditation as soon as possible.

I find it hard to agree with you on this one. If I have for an example a thought that people don't like me in general and I'm going to find out if this is true(by taking action) - and you find out many times that it is not true. It would not make much sense that you keep thinking that people don't like you. I think that thoughts are created by your beliefs and if you change your beliefs you will change your thoughts.

The same as you fear something and you face you fear and you see that the fear is not real. It would not make much sense that, that fear still keeps persisting or that you have still those fearful thoughts. Of course it will not go away immediately as it as its momentum but it would be kind of strange if it would stay.