Hard times

[Brent]

Hi everyone,

I'm Brent. Just joined here today. Looking forward to getting to know some of you!

Background on me: I'm 20, and for the last several months I've been dealing with lots of depression, anxiety, obsessive thoughts, and existential questions. It got to the point where I had to drop out of college and move back home.

I've been meditating and practicing mindfulness for the last couple of months, and read "Wherever You Go, There You Are," as well as many other mindfulness resources. At times, it seems like I'm improving my ability to detach from my thinking and let go, but I still often get lost in my head, which is a very confused and gloomy place right now. I realize it's important to focus on the process of mindfulness rather that judging your practice by the results, but sometimes I can't help but get caught up in these downward spirals.

The most difficult thing for me is being nonjudgemental in my practice. Often, when I try to take in my surroundings mindfully, there seems to be this debate in my head about whether I actually like what I'm experiencing. Intellectually, I know that I can just approach even these judgements with mindfulness and equanimity, but it's tough to break this habit of judging/trying to enjoy every moment, and getting frustrated when I can't just take in my experience for what it is.

Other times, it's hard to stop questioning if things like love are real, or if I actually, truly love anything or anyone. This is just really troubling and disorienting for me. My actions are often kind and loving, but my head is pretty confused.

I imagine many of you have been in similar situations. Can you shed any light on what helped you?

Thank you.

[JonW]

Hi Brent,
Welcome to the forum. I hope you make yourself at home here. I think you'll find us a friendly bunch. We're always happy to answer questions or engage in topics whenever we can.
I can relate to a lot of what you refer to in your post and I'm 54.
Things started to change for me four years ago when I started looking into mindfulness, started meditating.
This stuff takes time to percolate. Practice is key, but no less than patience and self-compassion.
I look forward to getting to know you here on the site.
Cheers,
Jon, Hove

[Peter]

Hi Brent,
Welcome to the forum! Jon's right. It is a very gradual process! In mindfulness you have to be really patient.

Often, when I try to take in my surroundings mindfully, there seems to be this debate in my head about whether I actually like what I'm experiencing. Intellectually, I know that I can just approach even these judgements with mindfulness and equanimity, but it's tough to break this habit of judging/trying to enjoy every moment, and getting frustrated when I can't just take in my experience for what it is.

This sounds very familiar to me. I had the same problem. Example: Before Mindfulness, I used to watch my kids playing, and I kept telling myself "I should enjoy this. Why aren't I feeling something special.". This all started to change once I let go of the 'shoulds', and just took in the 'stuff' as it was. In this example, I just looked at my kids and tried to see every detail of them, and of what they were doing. That's it. No judging, no labels. After a while things started to change gradually. I started to feel an immens enjoyment when I watched my kids playing. As always, the 'wanting', and thinking of what it should be like, is what stands in the way! Once I'd let go of the 'wanting' it just came on it's own.

Other times, it's hard to stop questioning if things like love are real, or if I actually, truly love anything or anyone. This is just really troubling and disorienting for me.

It doesn't really matter whether love is real or if you really love something, or anyone! It is the way it is. You feel the way you feel. Let go of the labels, and just accept that what you feel is fine (certainly for now)! As in my comment above, you probably find that after you do that for a while, you notice some day that you feel an immens great feeling (let's call it love), but then it isn't a label in your mind anymore, you just know what it feels like to you!

Good luck!

Peter

[Brent]

Thank you Jon and Peter! I will continue to practice patience and self-compassion in tandem with mindfulness, and focus on letting go of expectations as well.

I really appreciate your support.

[Happyogababe]

Hi Brent, you've found a great forum. Welcome.

I hear what you're saying about being judgmental, I'm my own worst critic. Things are slowly improving by regular practice of mindfulness and meditation.

I'm not an expert by a long long way, but if I may I'll tell you one thing that really helps me: I do lots of 'spot' meditations during the day. I take three long sighs and scan my body and see what's going on in my mind. This brings me back to the present moment and I see how my mind has been working.

I do one formal mediation a day and I find that the body scan grounds me really well, it also continues its work throughout the day.

Have a good day

[Brent]

Hi Brent, you've found a great forum. Welcome.

I hear what you're saying about being judgmental, I'm my own worst critic. Things are slowly improving by regular practice of mindfulness and meditation.

I'm not an expert by a long long way, but if I may I'll tell you one thing that really helps me: I do lots of 'spot' meditations during the day. I take three long sighs and scan my body and see what's going on in my mind. This brings me back to the present moment and I see how my mind has been working.

I do one formal mediation a day and I find that the body scan grounds me really well, it also continues its work throughout the day.

Have a good day

Thanks for the advice. I think something like you described -- just a brief body/mind check-in of a few breaths -- could help a lot. I find that in the middle of the day, between formal meditations, it's easy to get lost in my mind, so I'll give this a try.

You have yourself a good day, too!

[Tody]

Hey,

I think only mindfulness is not enough to get you out of this state. Physical care of the body is as much important as mental. We are a sum of fermions and hormones and they control our body if you like or not.

You have your happiness hormone, your sleep hormone, and a bunch of others. If you do a physical workout for more than 30 minutes you will release most of them. After my run things that seemed to be hopeless now have solutions its the same with sleep. 8 hours a day everyday.

Laughter, sex or at least hugging and friends have positive effects on you

[JonW]

"I think only mindfulness is not enough to get you out of this state. Physical care of the body is as much important as mental."

Mindfulness is as much about the body as the mind, hence the inclusion of the body scan and mindful movement in the 8-week mindfulness course.
Jon

[Brent]

Jon and Tody: thanks for the input. I do the best I can with exercise, diet, etc., and I believe these are also very beneficial for mental health. Mindfulness I believe can help with experiencing negative thoughts and emotions with equanimity, and just being more in tune with simply being alive.

Trust and patience are two important concepts, at least for me, as I start out with becoming more aware. Someone on another post mentioned this, and it resonated with me. Really, we just have to trust our bodies to function as they were intended, letting things happen instead of trying to make things happen.

[Peter]

Trust and patience are two important concepts, at least for me, as I start out with becoming more aware... Really, we just have to trust our bodies to function as they were intended

To trust is to set yourself up for disappointment, Brent. Trust is irrelevant, really. It doesn't matter whether your body functions as it is intended to. Maybe it isn't, like with cancer or some other diseases. In mindfulness we try to recognize the things we cannot change and just let them be; there's no point in doing anything else.
Peter