Moving forward...Where to next?

[Peanut]

Hello,
I am in need of some advice! I am in week eight of Mark Williams book/meditations and I would like to know of any ideas of where to go next

At this stage in my practice I am feeling like a young seedling still (and on bad days like a doomed person who will just never GET the whole mindfulness stuff) as in I feel like I am grasping the concepts but I am finding it hard to always put them into practice. On a good day I am happy as larry with only a mild drone of continuous anxiety but I am really struggling to bring mindfulness to the fore in the times when I need it most.

I know it is a work in progress and a journey to be lived moment by moment but I have had a few realizations about myself through it all. I have realized that I am a super neurotic perfectionist, I am terrified of being 'unhappy', and I constant beat myself up about thoughts that are in anyway negative. I beat myself up when I realize I am being mindless or that I should have taken a particular opportunity like brushing my teeth to be mindful. I ruminate about ruminating! I really am still a servant to my negative self talk. But now I can see when the negative self-talk is happening, I am aware but at the same time feeling a little helpless. Returning to my breath in these moments sometimes makes me feel more insane because I am unable to do something as simple as focus on my breath.

To be honest when I first began I thought "in 8 weeks I hope I am better, I hope I am fixed, I hope I am happy." I know this is not the point of mindfulness and instead I should be with myself in all states but I am struggling to find ways to cope when those states are overly depressive. Does anyone have any suggestions for deepening my mindfulness practice and how to stay on top of it all? Any books or courses that address compassionate kindness towards oneself would be much appreciated too as this is one of my biggest hurdles! I would love to hear about any great ways people have reminded themselves in be present in the everyday too! Sorry for the rant people!

Best wishes

[Gareth]

and I constant beat myself up about thoughts that are in anyway negative.

Try not to. I know that this is a lot easier said than done. Maybe you could try some self-compassion work. Go and google Kristin Neff; I know she does a lot of great work in this area.

It's a terrifically important part of mindfulness that we learn how to be gentle with ourselves.

Life can be very hard sometimes. And it's not made easier the that our brains are wired. Like velcro for the bad stuff and like teflon for the good stuff.

Be a work in progress. Mindfulness takes about a lifetime's work in my estimation. The most important thing is to keep meditating.

[MiM]

Hi Peanut,

"Super neurotic perfectionist" doesn't sound very kind to me, would you say that about a friend?

From what I read, it sounds like you know what you need, and you know a lot about how to give it to yourself. That means you have made a huge step already.

I am sure you have done several guided meditations by now, and in many of those the guidance at some point goes "...give yourself a pat on the shoulder..." or "...congratulate yourself..." You might try a meditation where you really concentrate on doing exactly that. Give yourself credit for every (even little) thing you do right, and give yourself a lot of understanding for the things that goes less well. That is a trick that has given me some help, when times have been bad... Tara Barch has some youtube stuff on kindness, that I also have found helpful.

I believe you are on the right path, eight weeks is an awfully short time.

[JonW]

Hi Peanut.
As Jon Kabat-Zinn says, "The ninth week is the rest of your life."
The thought "What next?" can be a ticklish one.
Here are a few suggestions for how to move forward.
1. Keep reading about mindfulness to deepen your understanding. Kabat-Zinn's hefty Coming To Our Senses is a good place to start. I could recommend hundreds of others. Just ask.
2. Keep your practice fresh. Vary your meditations. Include mindful movement and body scans as well as sitting meditations. Meditate to music when the mood suits.
3. Start a meet-up group. I started one two years ago here in Brighton and now have 450 members. We meet for a drink from time to time. It's a great way to meet like-minded souls. I've met some really good friends through it. It costs me less than £10 a month to run. Meetup.com
4. Stay involved here at Everyday Mindfulness. Why not write a blog for us?
All best wishes,
Jon, Hove