FPIAFW - Week 4: Moving Beyond The Rumour Mill

[JonW]

Hi Peanut,
There shouldn't be a need to start the course again. Just go back to week four.
Also, it's not carved in stone that the course needs to be done in eight weeks. If circumstances make that difficult, then spread it out. Take as long as you need.
Try not to give yourself a hard time over this. It sounds to me that you're doing really well.
Keep us informed on how you're doing.
All good things,
Jon

[purplyworply]

Hello Peanut
I agree with Jon, you've made great progress getting to week 4 and it's really hard to pursue this course if life is lacking in routine. So don't beat yourself up about it.
Having said that, I have found it so useful during times of travel and unpredictability to put myself first for a tiny amount of time each day and insist on my meditation time. Easier said than done, and I often fail, (but I tell myself it's better for everyone in the long run if I have my time!).
My suggestion is to spend this disrupted time consolidating. Ie. each day, do one of the meditations from a week you have already studied (presumably weeks 1, 2 or 3). Then you will be so ready to tackle Week 4 when you have the time, and you'll have benefited from really building your awareness of your breath and your body sensations -- which is invaluable and, after all, something people keep doing and benefiting from forever

[Peanut]

Thanks for your responses people

Purplyworply you actually made me laugh out loud because this whole time I have been beating myself up for not following the book to a T precisely because I do not have a routine and therefore should easily be able to fit these meditations into my day!

This week has had its ups and downs. The first few days I did the meditations as advertised (twice a day) but the past three days I have only done the combo once. I have also had some really trying moments where I tried to turn towards mindfulness and thought "what's the point I will always feel this way?" It is really hard in these moments to see these as simply thoughts and not truths as they occur so frequently.

On the two occasions this happened this week it was spurred on by me thinking that I can never enjoy things that I should. I am in a foreign country with beautiful new experiences to behold, the leaves are butter yellow and yet I start to feel lethargy wash over and instead of letting it pass I claw into it and spiral out of control. The worst thing is that not only do I not practice self-compassion in these moments but I become increasingly horrible towards my partner who tries his hardest to remain upbeat or even just let me know its okay to feel like that. This then increases the anger I feel towards myself. This is probably one of my strongest negative habits - to think that something is wrong with me for not enjoying things that I should. In the past I have tried to bury these experiences after they occur. They only rear their ugly head when it comes around again and my mind uses it as ammunition to show me that yes I am doomed and I will never enjoy things.

In retrospect I know I should accept my feelings and thoughts and they will naturally pass but in the moments that it happens I struggle to do this. I just read the synopsis for week five and I am hoping that it helps me come to terms with this as I will be starting it tomorrow. But also I know I should not put expectations on these weeks either!

Sorry for the rant, this only occurred last night and it still feels a little fresh. I feel pretty much 100% now and woke up smiling and happy but in those moments I feel like the worst, craziest person that has ever lived and that I will be the one person mindfulness won't help!

[purplyworply]

Hi, sorry for the delay in replying. I sympathise with your struggle, which sounds so familiar. Please just keep trying and I think that things will eventually change.

A year after starting this course was the first time I was able to accept, at the time it was happening, that sometimes I feel utterly joyless at special, beautiful, important moments. When I accepted this about myself I still felt down but I also felt slightly freer, and almost curious about it. And I've been able to build on it. As a result the rumination that those moments spark (which is actually the worst part) has lessened a lot.

So keep going, I'm sure you've started a process that will eventually be of great help.

[Peanut]

Thanks for your response Purply!
Honestly it gave me a little hope for the future Also sometimes it is also nice to know you are not alone - We are all pretty curious creatures haha

[Happyogababe]

Started week 4 today.

I found the sound and thought meditation interesting. It made sense to witness thoughts coming and going as I had sounds. At times I struggled with a scattered mind which strongly wanted my attention. I acknowledged this each time.

I did a long body scan straight after the short meditations for week four, as I've already developed a longer formal practice and also body scan is beneficial (according to Eric Harrison) for people who have health conditions. It certainly does identity any tension and I'm now used to checking in on my body/posture during the day. It's helping.

I like Mark Williams' guided meditations.

[fabiG]

Hello! I didn't know where to put this topic exactly because it incorporates many aspects of mindfulness, however I fancied this thread as it deals mainly with Sounds and Thoughts...

When I'm doing this meditation, I find it extremely difficult to see my thoughts as clouds that come and pass away. I cannot really "visualize" my clouds passing by, but have the feelings that they rather stick in my mind. In general, it is really hard for me seeing my thoughts as thoughts but take them for the (bitter) truth...does somebody have any tip about this, or how do you see your thoughts? I am well aware that each person has its own style, yet I think it is useful to have some ideas about this....

The second thing is a rather curious thing. It is advised to do two meditations before the "Turning to Difficulties" Meditation, but I have the "problem" that, if I'm doing the Breath and Body + Sounds and Thoughts med., I cannot bring any difficulties to my mind, even if I was before tensed up and endlessly in thoughts...e.g. right now, I was trapped in the past for most of the time and thought about a special situation, I did realize this but I really could not anchor myself in the present....then I closed my eyes in the library, listened to the different sounds (and not even observing my thoughts) and as I'm typing this I'm feeling quite okay...So sometimes, if I'm feeling bad, I just skip those two meditations if I want to actively explore the body sensations with the exploring difficulty meditation...does anyone have a similar experience?

Cheers and sunny wishes from Germany!

[Peter]

Hi fabiG,
Both sound familiar! I had the same issues.

I would recommend for your first problem that you leave the clouds analogy alone. Just try to see what you were thinking about as soon as you've noticed that you were in thought. Just keep doing that. At some point you can ask yourself questions about your thoughts; patterns will emerge. After a while you'll probably begin to see that your thoughts aren't the truth.

To quote Eckhart Toll: "The beginning of freedom is the realization that you are not 'the thinker.' The moment you start watching the thinker, a higher level of consciousness becomes activated. You then begin to realize that there is a vast realm of intelligence beyond thought, that thought is only a tiny aspect of that intelligence. You also realize that all the things that truly matter – beauty, love, creativity, joy, inner peace – arise from beyond the mind. You begin to awaken."

I think you're handling your second problem perfectly.

Good luck!
Peter

[JonW]

The cloud analogy works for some people but not others. So try not to worry about that. Other options include the cinema screen (mind) and the images flickering on the screen (thoughts); or the river (mind) carrying the leaves (thoughts) as it flows. Have you tried those?
As for "thoughts are only thoughts", it can take a while for this idea to become embodied.
One thing that worked for me in my early days of practice was to remind myself that my heart pumps of its own accord with me actually doing anything; my hair grows, seemingly without me doing anything; my blood circulates...and thoughts come and go. If we're thinking something through, then thoughts might follow a logical, deliberate pattern. But most thoughts seem to arrive unbidden. If we were to choose them, they'd probably all be happy, useful thoughts. But not all our thoughts are like that. For some of us, many thoughts are negative, judgmental etc.
Says Kabat-Zinn, thoughts are mere secretions of the mind.
We're simply learning to relate to them in a different way. With practice, they become less sticky, less troublesome.
But it does take practice.
Good things,
Jon

[fabiG]

Thanks for your replies!

I definitely identified some thoughts pattern, both about the past and the future, and I have started only since January with the practice, so I'm hoping that eventually I can handle my thoughts better. And I can really imagine that the realization, that thoughts are merely thoughts arising from the mind, is liberating. Some days ago, I had a week where I was feeling like this. I was so at peace with myself, with other persons and the world, which was kind of scary because I felt like a different person, full of empathy and kindness to me and others. Today is not like this, but I try not no be harsh with me :)

No, I haven't tried the other things as I wasn't really aware. The cinema analogy was mentioned in the book, though, but I didn't think of it...I will definitely give it a go!

Cheers!

Btw: Do you do this with your positive thoughts as well? Merely seeing them as thoughts? This is something which i can't seem to handle, sometimes I am switching between both extremes, and I'm wondering if good thoughts can have the same damage, in the sense that you become only more devastated if it is going to back the bad...