Some Advice Please

[Peanut]

Hello there,
I am both quite new to this forum and mindfulness (have been going on two weeks of trying to do a meditation by Jon Kabat-Zinn everyday ranging from 10-20 minutes). Firstly I came to mindfulness for my relentless anxiety and mild depression which seems to be an offshoot of the anxiety. I am not sure which one triggered the other!

Anywho I have a racing mind and I seem to carry a running internal commentary on everything I am doing or thinking about. When I am trying to meditate and manage to focus on my breath for one breath I often go Woohoo I am meditating or I am focusing on my breath and then I am away with my thoughts on that! Also when I do manage to focus on my breath and keep my thoughts at bay I notice that I tend to be saying "breath in and out over and over to myself". And it doesn't really feel like I am in the present.

Also throughout the day now unless I am consumed by thoughts in pilot mode which are invariably about the recent past or upcoming future (sometimes even an hour from now or what I will be doing after current activity) I seem to be thinking about how I am not being in the present. Arrrggghh. So it's almost as if my running commentary is saying "I am aware that I am not being aware of everything in this present moment" and I am therefore still living in my catastrophizing brain. I am trying to practice self-compassion but it is very frustrating and I was wondering if anyone has had any experience of this or tips. I would REALLY appreciate it as it is starting to drive me a bit crazy.

Please help

[MiM]

Who's watching the watcher? - Yes, I can relate to that And also to having a mantra to help me keep concentrating on the breath.

As far as I understand, mantras are quite allowed in meditation. I started meditating this spring, and noticed early on, that I tend to count a lot, when trying to fix on the breath, and was quite relieved when I read the book "mindfulness in plain English" and it actually recommended counting (for a short while), for those who have difficulties to stay focused on breath only.

In theory of mind, I believe they say that humans normally can go about 5 to 6 levels in a "I know that you know that he knows...", but that actually becomes quite interesting when we try to be mindful about ourselves. We all know (or quickly learn) how to watch our own thoughts, but then it is quite easy to start watching the watching, and... there we go... At least I definitely do it! I believe the answer lies somewhere in refusing to get caught in that complexity and reducing all those
levels just into "thoughts". Then it gets easier to just let them go, and not get caught into it all.

[JonW]

Hi Peanut,
My advice would be to do the 8-week course. My opinion is that this is the best way to ground oneself in mindfulness. I'd say it's difficult to get a grounding in the practice without a structured approach.
A teacher in a group setting or 1-2-1 would be ideal. If none are available in your area, or if it's not feasible for other reasons, maybe do the course via a book. The one I usually recommend is Finding Peace In A Frantic World by Mark Williams and Danny Penman. That book comes with a CD of guide meditations.
Let us know how you get on.
Cheers,
Jon

[healthyhappymind]

Hi Peanut,
I can totally relate to your situation. I found the early days of mindfulness so difficult. I would constantly judge my meditation/mindfulness ability.

This may not be a very exciting answer to your question but... keep practising. If 10-20mins is a struggle, drop it down to 5mins. Try sounds such as Om. As you use the whole breath to create the Om sound your mind is (hopefully) focussed on that. I found that helped me when I struggled to keep on task during my breathing meditation.

It does get easier, and you may not notice it at first. But it will. You can increase your mindfulness/meditation times as you progress. There are no rules for length of time.

[JonW]

"Try sounds such as Om. As you use the whole breath to create the Om sound your mind is (hopefully) focussed on that."

Hmm.
I've not seen that recommendation before in terms of mindfulness.
Any thoughts anyone? I'd rather this wasn't confusing to newcomers.
Cheers,
Jon

[Peanut]

Thanks very much everyone for all the tips

I am definitely going to stick with it and try not to beat myself up for perceived 'failings.' I am a bit of an obsessed perfectionist so when I tend to start something like exercise and then miss a day I feel like the whole world is coming to an end. I have had a friend visiting these past couple of days and have not practiced mindfulness in two days and instead of catastrophizing I am already beginning to just let judgmental thoughts pass without getting wrapped up in them.

I am definitely going to do the 8 week course thanks Jon. I am currently living in a country where English is not predominantly spoken though so will have to do the book/cd option. My house also does not have easy delivery service so is there anyway to buy "Finding Peace In A Frantic World" in a digital version where I get both the book and meditations?

Thanks very much for your advice MiM - I am going to look for 'Mindfulness in Plain English' as a simple way to ground myself and in the meantime try to not beat myself up about my racing mind in meditation

[KathleenH]

Hi Peanut

Well done on making your first positive steps, sounds like you are already noticing some changes, keep it going.

You can get the book on Amazon in Kindle form and here are the meditations

http://franticworld.com/free-meditation ... ndfulness/

Happy meditating

K

[FeeHutch]

I'd recommend 'Finding Peace...' and as Kathleen says it is available on kindle with the meditations available as MP3's.
There are also lots of threads in the online course forum: http://www.everyday-mindfulness.org/forum/viewforum.php?f=21
A while ago I repeated the 8 week course along with other members of the community and we posted our thoughts as we went along so that might be useful too?