Some tips needed please

[James123]

I just realised this morning that I have been practising mindfulness for nearly 3 years now and after falling off the wagon yet again *rolls eyes* I am still viewing the formal meditating side of the practice as a chore, rather than a gift to myself.

Often during the day I say to myself "bugger, I still haven't mediated yet" and then it becomes forced and another thing on my to do list. The silly thing is most times after I finished I feel good/grounded and again think to myself "James, if you feel centred like this, what's up with this constant struggle with my practice? What is it you're not 'getting'?"

So, do any of you guys have any tips on how to view the formal practice as an important part of my day rather than a chore?

EDIT: After the above realisation I'm trying not to be hard on myself. But bloody hell, you'd have thought after nearly 3 years I'd be meditating without seeing it as a to do item for 30 minutes every day at more often that not, a set time. Rather than listening to a JKZ 10 minute guided meditation as I just have whilst clambering back on the wagon again.

[mostlymindfulmommy]

At least from my own experience, I don't think a formal sitting practice will ever be that simple (easy to do, at the same time each day with no mental resistance).

I see the practices of meditation and mindfulness as the same as physical exercise, just for the mind. And I think anyone who exercises regularly, even if they have for the past 20 years, will tell you that some days you're pumped and ready to go and other days it's the last thing you feel like doing. I love ballet and there are still plenty of days when I have to drag myself to class. But as you've pointed out with meditation, I ALWAYS feel better after I get there and start moving.

So I'd advise you let go of the idea that it should be easy for you by this point. If there's anything about it that gets "easier", it's just that you've made it more of a habit so it's easier to just do it even when you don't feel like it. Who cares if you're sitting in silence, or using a 10 minute guided meditation? Simply begin doing it daily (or whatever the frequency you're aiming for is) again and build up that habit :]

Best of luck!

[James123]

Thanks Katy.

[SheilaB]

Hi James,

Having been on this journey for about 7 years and got huge benefit from my practice, would it help for me to share that for many of those years I found formal practice wasn't always top of my 'enjoyable' list?. (And yes, I know all about the wagon!) But thankfully, you don't have to enjoy it for it to work.

I love what Jon Kabat-Zinn says about 'just get on the damn cushion' (that might be the more polite translation).

Developing the self-kindness part of my practice helped me hugely - both on the days it felt like a struggle to get on (or stay on) the cushion, and just generally as my formal practice has deepened and become something I rely on more and more.

I've also always found that a weekly practice plan helps me keep going - so now I offer a free one of those by email.

Kind wishes & all the best with your practice,
Sheila

[Gareth]

Why don't you try meditating first thing? Before the demands of the day edge it out of the way.

My life is pretty hectic at the moment, so for the past couple of years, I've been meditating first thing. I set my alarm half an hour before I need to get up. As it goes off, I sit up, and I meditate.

It's a good routine, and it's working well for me at the moment.

[jdandre]

I have a few thoughts to offer (pun intended), but first I'd like to ask you what brings you to meditation to begin with? Why do you think it's important, and how do you hope it affects your life?

[Mudlotus]

I've been practicing every day since 2015 and I don't think I have ever found it to be pleasant (alright, maybe sometimes a bit).

I agree that a routine is helpful. I start and end the day with a meditation. This morning the ' 20 minute breathscape': nauseous, short of breath and restless. Last night 'loving kindness': almost falling asleep every 10 seconds. Other times I'm super focused.

But I refuse to skip one, as I come from a bad place mentally, so that helps .
It's kind of like practicing an instrument or exercising; it's often no fun at all, but you know it's good for you and that you will feel and perform better in the long run. With that knowledge and intention it feels less optional.

[jdandre]

In my experience as both practitioner and teacher, the problems most people have around consistency and expectations stem from not fully understanding why they are practicing mindfulness and meditation in the first place.

If you come to the practices looking for a pleasant experience or relaxation, you'll be let down. Those can be side effects, but they aren't the goal and they aren't everyday occurrences.

If you come to the practices believing you need to do "X" minutes every day and you'll suddenly eliminate negative thoughts (or, believing you need to bounce around from one type of meditation to another to address specific "conditions"), you'll be let down as well.

It helps to take a step back and look at the big picture. As Tolle says, the human condition is "lost in thought." Being lost in thought means we are caught up in our minds. Being caught up in our minds creates conditioned behavior (decisions, actions, reactions) that culminates in the daily struggles we all face (stress, anxiety, lack of focus, et cetera).

Going back to the Tolle quote, you can view it this way: in any given moment, we are either lost in thought or not lost in thought. It's usually the former. A consistent meditation practice and applying mindfulness to your daily life helps you move to the latter.

The process of meditating is simple. Sit in a somewhat comfortable position with your back straight, pick an anchor to focus your attention on (the two most common are your breath and a mantra). Whatever you select, don't try to control it...just let it go naturally. At some point you'll become aware of thoughts; when you notice them, return your attention back to your anchor.

That's it - become aware of thoughts, and return your attention to your anchor.

Do it over and over again because you are developing the skill of noticing your thoughts without getting caught up in them. It requires practice, which is what the formal exercise of meditating is.

As you develop the skill, you transfer it to your "non-meditating" time (i.e., your daily life). This is called mindfulness. When you are being mindful, your anchor is the present moment. You notice thoughts, and you return your attention to whatever you are doing right here and now.

A few more tips:

(1) Don't judge your thoughts - accept everything that arises in consciousness. Don't "cling" to these and "push away" those. Meditating shows you the temporary nature of your thoughts (and all mind-made activity) - they come and go. You cause yourself to suffer when you try to attach to something temporary and make it permanent.

(2) Don't get angry when you become aware of thoughts and have to return your attention to your anchor. That's the goal. It's not stopping, changing, or controlling thoughts. It's cultivating awareness, which keeps you from getting caught up in your mind.

When you aren't caught up in your mind, you are able to break free from conditioned behavior. When you are able to break free from conditioned behavior, those daily struggles mentioned earlier begin to lose their grip on you.

As Sam Harris said:

The habit of spending nearly every waking moment lost in thought leaves us at the mercy of whatever our thoughts happen to be. Meditation is a way of breaking this spell.

If you approach mindfulness and meditation with an understanding of how compulsive your mind is and the problems it creates in your life, you'll see them more as a way of being rather than a chore or spot fix!

[JonW]

Amen to that.
Top-notch post, jdandre.
Every one a coconut,
JW

[James123]

I have a few thoughts to offer (pun intended), but first I'd like to ask you what brings you to meditation to begin with? Why do you think it's important, and how do you hope it affects your life?

Suffering with debilitating anxiety/overwhelming emotions in many social situations (especially with those who know me as they may be able to see me panicking/looking like I wanted to cry) and after trying everything I stumbled across mindfulness. It helped quite a bit so I took a course (which was crap) but have continued the practice as I believe in it very much.

I think in this day and age taking time out for yourself is massively important. Filling up your loving kindness cup until it, I guess, overflows on to others is just a good thing to do.

Hope that answers your questions jdandre?