How do 'Normal' People Think?

[MindPhil]

Hello all. A sort-of mindfulness question. I have an OCD (diagnosed) where I have to remember events as vividly as I can, where I have to feel as I did at the time the event happened. If, during the course of recalling these events I remember additional details from an earlier point in time, I have to start again, at the beginning.

You may say - well just don't do it, then! The problem is that the events I revisit are ones which are important and which I feel I need to know and understand.

One event which is affected by this is the death of my Mum a few months ago. I was there while it happened and I keep going through the chain of events from when she first called me to the ambulance coming. It is as though, if I don't try or can't remember the events 'right', I feel like I am being disrespectful and uncaring about her.

I know there are elements of this that are about bereavement but I am not enquiring here about those, I am more concerned with the the thought process because this routine is something that has very much been present with other events in the past.

What do 'normal' (i.e. not ill, and non-Mindfulness practitioner)people do when there is a compulsion to remember and revisit something? Obviously, I can't block it out, but I cannot keep torturing myself with OCD keep making me go over it again and again.

My queries are:

1. I feel I need to know how to think things through in a normal way before I implement Mindfulness. If a 'normal' person remembers something which they missed out 'earlier' in the recollection, do they just continue or start again?

2. And do they have compulsions to remember things, at all?

3. If so, what do they do if the events they are compelled to remember are distressing?

4. And what would a skilled mindfulness practitioner do when faced with such a compulsion?

The thing is my psychiatrist is reluctant to start any psychological intervention because she says that, post-bereavement, my mind could be all over the place and it could do more harm than good, so to do whatever OCD compels me to do.

But this approach is annoying me. I owe it to my Mum to carve out a semblance of normality and life for myself and continuing with how I have been is just pushing me further away from that.

So I know there will be the caveat "Speak to a professional," but I am doing and I want alternative views to go back to her with and some alternative to what they are saying.

I have dabbled in mindfulness before and will be starting Full Catastrophe Living tomorrow (and CDs) as I have not yet finished a course to completion (after several abortive attempts).

Thanks for reading.

Phil

[JonW]

Hi Phil,
Welcome to the forum.
There's some challenging questions there and I'm not sure I'm remotely qualified to answer most of them. There may be other members on the forum who are better placed to respond.
Just a few observations:
I'm not sure what you mean by "normal". Though I experienced periods of high anxiety and spells of depression in the past, I considered myself fairly normal until I took up mindfulness and realised that I'd been at the mercy of my thoughts for most of my life. Mindfulness has been a huge help to me in terms of settling my mind so that I spend less and less time ruminating on the past or worrying about the future. The vast majority of the population is in thrall to their thinking habits. So I'm mot sure how "normal" would be classified.
Full Catastrophe Living is a superb book. You're in good hands with Jon Kabat-Zinn. This book will guide you through the 8-week course but requires daily commitment.
I think the first thing anyone would say to you is: be gentle with yourself and try to avoid seeing mindfulness as goal-oriented. Turning it into another form of striving is very easily done. Mindfulness isn't about goals. You may have goals in mind at the very start (eg. "I want to get better") but those goals tend to ebb away as you deepen your practice. Mindfulness isn't about getting anywhere. It's about being with what you are, right now, in this moment, without judgment.
We'll do our best to help and support you on this forum but please bear in mind that, with a few exceptions, we're not trained mindfulness teachers. So there's a limit to how much we can advise, especially concerning health matters.
I wish you well and look forward to seeing more of you on the forum.
All best wishes,
Jon, Hove

[Matt Y]

Hi MindPhil (clever name).

In response to your questions:

1. I feel I need to know how to think things through in a normal way before I implement Mindfulness. If a 'normal' person remembers something which they missed out 'earlier' in the recollection, do they just continue or start again?

a). I'd recommend just starting (mindfulness practice). If you wait to feel 'normal' you'll probably never start! And no one I know is 'normal' anyway!

b). I'd suggest that a mind functioning in a relatively healthy mode will just continue, without the compulsion to keep starting again.

2. And do they have compulsions to remember things, at all?

Wanting to remember things is a common compulsion, but I expect most people are able to recognise that our memories are fallible and that it's largely futile to try and remember everything.

3. If so, what do they do if the events they are compelled to remember are distressing?

If something is distressing People adopt all kinds of strategies to deal with distressing events, many of them largely dysfunctional. My belief is that if something is distressing it needs to be explored, unpacked, accepted or worked through in some way, perhaps with a psychologist.

4. And what would a skilled mindfulness practitioner do when faced with such a compulsion?

Perhaps look at where this compulsion is coming from, and what fuels it. They might seek to understand the compulsion in order to mitigate its effects.

[piedwagtail91]

"The thing is my psychiatrist is reluctant to start any psychological intervention because she says that, post-bereavement, my mind could be all over the place and it could do more harm than good, "

your psychiatrist is right, it's not recommended to start mindfulness after a bereavement it can cause all sorts of problems.
it's best to wait until things settle.

[MindPhil]

Thanks for the replies, sorry I haven't responded before now, my computer was playing up.

JonW - I see your point that all untrained people are at the mercy of their thoughts. But I do still wonder if 'normal' people feel compulsions to remember previous events as vividly as possible and what they do if they are aware that they have not accomplished this, or are aware that they have remembered something slightly inaccurately.

(I do have compulsions to think other thoughts through until they feel 'right' but am using the example of recollections as it is the easiest to explain, and I feel the advice here can be extrapolated to other types of compulsive thoughts.)

Matt - thanks for your advice, but i think I have misled you slightly - I DO feel that mindfulness is something one just has to commit to as we could all wait forever for the 'ideal' time to start.

My query here was more about the thought processes and responses that so-called 'normal' (i.e. non-OCD) people go through. Your answer to question 2 IS very helpful in this regard, so thanks for this. So do 'normal' people just resist the compulsion to go through recalling the events again when they are aware they have done so inaccurately?

piedwagtail91 - I do see this viewpoint but it is now nearly 4 months since the bereavement and I feel that mindfulness practice will help me to deal, not just with OCD, but with the various emotions that arise as a result of loss. I also hope (although I know that practice has to be 'goal free') that it will enable me to live a more fulfilling life in tribute to my Mum's memory because at the moment (and even before the loss) I am not anywhere near accomplishing this and she gave me life, I owe it to her to maximise it.

[Gareth]

See this stunning new blog about OCD:

http://www.everyday-mindfulness.org/ocd ... ss-and-me/