It's okay to feel bad

[CoachT]

Hello!

Just like most people on here, I have experienced troubles throughout life, including extreme self-consciousness for many years.

Anyway, do you guys think that accepting your feelings is a good way to be more at peace? What are some practices that you do to be more mindful in life?

Here is a post I wrote titled It's okay to feel bad:https://coacht.blog/2018/03/19/its-okay-to-feel-bad/

Please share if you enjoy it and I look forward to speaking & connecting more!

Cheers

[JonW]

'Anyway, do you guys think that accepting your feelings is a good way to be more at peace? What are some practices that you do to be more mindful in life?'

We meditate. With no specific goal in mind. A state of 'peace' is not the goal, though it can be a by-product of regular mindfulness practice.
No mention of meditation in your blog, which is interesting. I'd welcome your thoughts on that.
Best wishes,
Jon

[CoachT]

'We meditate. With no specific goal in mind. A state of 'peace' is not the goal, though it can be a by-product of regular mindfulness practice.
No mention of meditation in your blog, which is interesting. I'd welcome your thoughts on that.'

True true. I do not mention meditation, but I meditate daily. I try to live in a meditated state.
One definition of meditating is: To think deeply or carefully about (something).
I bring my awareness to the present moment, getting out of my head, by listening actively to my environment, whether it is a person talking, birds chirping, or an airplane flying by. Listening deeply helps me live meditated.

Another definition of meditating is: To think deeply or focus one's mind for a period of time, in silence or with the aid of chanting, for religious or spiritual purposes or as a method of relaxation.

This second definition of meditating I still practice, but not daily. It is something I know I want to do more of, so I am going to make it a priority this upcoming week.

I know that I have a lot to learn about living mindful, but I am content with where I am, which I think is a part of living mindful; being at peace with the present moment, while listening and learning from the teachers of life all around us.

Thoughts? I am always open to listen to someone who respectfully disagrees.

Cheers,
Ken

[JonW]

Hi Ken,
There are many definitions of meditation, to be sure. Here at Everyday Mindfulness, our area of interest is secular mindfulness, Jon Kabat-Zinn model. Therefore, not for religious or spiritual purposes and most definitely not as a method of relaxation. This is not about trying to be relaxed. It's about waking up to experience as it arises in the moment - whether that experience is good, bad, or indifferent.
What kind of practice do you have?
Best wishes,
Jon

[CoachT]

Hi Jon,

Thanks for the reply. I love Jon-Kabat Zinn. I just recently read his book, "Wherever you go, there you are." Amazing book. A practice I have is focused breathing. When I recognize that a certain feeling or thought comes up, I don't try to fight it. I realize that it is okay, and I accept it, and then focus back to my breathing. Focused breathing brings me more into the present moment & just being.

Do you have a favorite mindfulness practice?

Cheers,
Ken

[JonW]

'Do you have a favorite mindfulness practice?'

I mainly practice 'choiceness awareness', Ken, which involves simply noticing whatever comes up in experience during meditation. I also regularly meditate to music. A couple of body scans per week. Mindful walking. Mindful movement. I like a variety and I like to keep my practice fresh.
Cheers,
Jon

[mtracyfryer]

Suffering is part of life. It is no use running away from it. It will be waiting for you. instead, embrace it, lean into it. With practice, the pain may be eased if you separate it from the suffering. Is that right?

Tracy

[CoachT]

Hey Jon,

Choiceness awareness sounds great, I have heard of the idea of noticing what comes up during meditation but I didn't know the name for it. Music is one of my favorites too. I enjoy the like-mindedness of people who practice mindfulness/meditation. I think we are all seeking a oneness & understanding with life.

Cheers,
Ken

[CoachT]

'With practice, the pain may be eased if you separate it from the suffering. Is that right?'

Hey Tracy!

Yes I believe so. In other words, when we stop taking the suffering personally, and realize that we are not our egos(that which is feeling the pain), and we are a part of the Source of all of us--this can help us separate the pain and experience our fullest selves.

Cheers,
Ken

[JonW]

'In other words, when we stop taking the suffering personally, and realize that we are not our egos(that which is feeling the pain), and we are a part of the Source of all of us--this can help us separate the pain and experience our fullest selves.'

That's all part of a wider discussion about the nature of 'self'.
Here on the forum, we prefer to stick to discussion of actual mindfulness practice. Otherwise, it can become confusing for site members, especially newcomers.
If one is following an 8-week mindfulness course, the question of pain/suffering is usually addressed around week seven when we look at the idea that our relationship with the difficulties in our lives is an important contributor to how much we suffer. One of the main points is that the majority of our suffering is caused by our reaction to the difficulty.
Often, pain cannot be avoided. But suffering is just one of many possible responses to pain. Suffering, in that sense, is optional as we have a choice as to how we respond.
Let us look at one example of how this can work.
First there is the difficulty. Let’s say that you wake up with a pain in the small of the back.
There’s the actual pain. Then there’s your reaction to the pain. You don’t like it. You want it to go away. You tell yourself it is not fair that you are feeling this way. You tell yourself that it will spoil your day. You tell yourself that that this pain is unlikely to go away and will probably spoil your entire life...
In the meantime, you might take pause and decide that the wisest course of action might be to call an osteopath and arrange a consultation.
The invitation is to bring awareness to the way we react to difficult experience. We can notice the non-acceptance and aversion in our experience: the resisting, tensing, bracing, numbing, the pushing away…We can notice how none of this makes the
problem go away. Indeed, it often makes our suffering even worse.
With practice we can mindfully accept what is there. Acceptance, in this sense, does not mean that we have to like what we are experiencing. Nor, in mindful terms, does acceptance equate with passive recognition. We can learn to soften around a problem, open to it and allow it to be there. Whatever it is, we can take the view that it is here already, that it might be possible to accept that it has already arrived, and simply allow it to be.
Acceptance can also refer to the possibility of bringing our awareness to a situation, recognising it is what it is, then realizing that within that space we have a choice. We might choose to take decisive action. In some situations the wisest course of action might be to do nothing - or simply wait.
All good things,
Jon