Looking for Clear Instructions

[FreeFredBloggs]

I have chronic head pain. Some of the doctors I have seen have recommended mindfulness therapy. I read several books and also seen a CBT and an ACT therapist. I am just not getting it.

I am a very analytical and skeptical person by nature and have a very hard time with the imprecise instructions of what I am supposed to be doing.

I was last told to "practice paying attention to my breathing" but, despite a fair bit of practice and much reading, I haven't been very successful and still haven't a clue about the whole process.

Here are some of my observations.

1. Paying attention to my breathing makes breathing much more difficult. If I don't pay attention, it seems I can breath quite adequately, but if I pay attention it seems like a lot of hard work. If my mind wanders, I sometimes forget to either breathe in or breathe out or my breathing gets very irregular, and when I stop paying attention to it it's hard to get back to breathing normally.

2. I know I am supposed to just pay attention to the breathing, but when I do that, the pain in my head seems to get worse. I am trying just to acknowledge it and let it pass by, but its a pain; I am not thinking about it, it's just there and it hurts.

3. I have no clue as to what is supposed to happen or how I am supposed to know it's "working", whatever that means. If "working" means the pain goes away, it's not working.

So, I have two questions.

A. Are there a very clear and precise set of instructions somewhere of what I am supposed to be doing that someone of an analytical mind like mind can accept and understand?

B. How can I tell it's "working" if it is indeed working, even if it's only a little bit effective?

[Peter]

I think I can understand your problem, FreeFred. Maybe it's easier for you to try a much narrower exercise for a while.

Just try to keep your focus on the tip of your nose for a set time, everyday.

That's it. Never mind your breathing, or anything else. If you start controlling your breathing, that's fine. If you're detracted by whatever, that's fine. Absolutely great that you've noticed the distractions. Bring the focus back, and again just try to keep your focus on the tip of your nose. Afterwards, if you think you've done a poor job concentrating, that's fine too. Those thoughts are normal. You've done great, 100% successful, if you've just tried to focus for the set time.

Do this for a few months, than evaluate. Don't try to answer those thoughts, about what it does for you, before then.

[FreeFredBloggs]

Thank you for your reply.

If you understand my problem, I would be really curious if you were able to tell me what it is.

I am sorry, but I am still very confused.

You suggest that I "keep your focus on the tip of your nose for a set time, everyday". I don't know quite what you mean here. By "focus", I assume you mean "pay attention to", and by "tip of your nose" I assume you mean sensations in the tip of my nose. However, I can detect no sensations from the tip of my nose unless I rub it against something. Am I supposed to be rubbing the tip of my nose when I do this?

You don't mention for how long the set time should be. Is it a few seconds, a few minutes?

Then I am confused about the distractions bit. You seem to say that any and all distractions are OK. But I assume that if I try and find myself distracted all the time, or say I try for 10 seconds but am distracted for 9 seconds, that would not be as good an exercise as trying for 10 second but being distracted for 1 second. If that is the case, fewer distractions are better. How about the case of trying for 10 seconds but being distracted for 9.9 seconds. Surely that can't be good?

And then why the tip of the nose? Why is that better than say focusing on a mental shopping list, or cleaning my teeth or driving my car?

The suggestion is to do this for a few months and then evaluate. But if I do this for 5 minutes a day for 3 months that's nearly 8 hours of work. I really need to have an expectation of what I will get at the end of 8 hours of effort. For sure, if it's going to make my head pain go away, I'd do it, and perhaps that's the only motivation that would work for me.

[Peter]

After reading your last message, I don't think this exercise is going to help you after all. I can answer all your questions, but I don't think it will help you. I think it would be best for you to have personal guidance. I'd advise you to not do this on your own, and seek out a good mindfulness teacher.

[JonW]

What Peter said.
If you are serious about exploring mindfulness, it will require a firm commitment, with regular practice - daily, preferably. You'll certainly need to put in a lot more than eight hours effort.
Either seek out a good teacher in your area or follow an 8-week course via book. I recommend Finding Peace In A Frantic World by Mark Williams and Danny Penman.
Best,
Jon

[Orao_22]

Finding a personal tutor or buying a book can help, but it isn't something you can always find an access to; let's say it's expensive, or that you live in the countryside/in a small town and can't find someone to tutor you...

By "concentrating on the tip of your nose", I think that what is meant is trying to think about what it feels, but not only : the point is to fill your mind with something calm and reposing, and if you concentrate on your nose and it feels nothing, then you can just relax by "waiting for something to happen" to your nose.
I mean, if you rub it on the wall or if there's a cold wind blowing on it, it's not going to be reposing nor pleasant.
But if you concentrate on it and it feels nothing in particular, then you end up thinking about nothing in particular, which allows your brain to rest for a while, just like sitting after running/walking allows your legs to rest.

I hope this came out as something understandable!

[FreeFredBloggs]

@Peter

I am disappointed that you are unable to help, but thanks anyway.

JonW

Thanks. I glanced at the preview of that book, but the first exercise was the very breathing exercise I am having a problem with. I would have no problem spending 8 hours on a course of action if I understood where it is supposed to help my head pain.

Orao_22

-- "you can just relax by "waiting for something to happen" to your nose"
-- "if you concentrate on it and it feels nothing in particular, then you end up thinking about nothing in particular"

I am doing it all wrong; I ended up thinking about what "waiting for something to happen to my nose" means. Am I waiting for a fly to land on it, or for the wind to blow? What "something" am I waiting for?

[Sallysmith]

I am no expert, only recently started the practice but I do hear the frustrations in your writing. Have you tried to use Headspace? Its an app on your phone which guides you through the meditation so all you habe to do is sit back and listen and follow the instructions.. simple! The beginner sessions are free so you have nothing to lose.

But I would also suggests if you can head out and go for a walk in a park or woods, whatever is closest to you. Find a bench, and sit down. Take a few deep breaths just to relax you and just watch the world go by. Perhaps there is a leaf on the ground, pick it up and look at it. Notice the leaf, colour, texture. Listen to the birds feel the wind.

Try not to stress about mindfulness or over think it. It is in fact very simple. Like running a 5k from couch you need to start at the beginning, so but regular steps. Hope this is helpful.

[JonW]

'The point is to fill your mind with something calm and reposing, and if you concentrate on your nose and it feels nothing, then you can just relax by "waiting for something to happen" to your nose.'

This is not mindfulness. Mindfulness is being with your experience - pleasant, unpleasant, indifferent - as it arises. It's not about filling your mind with anything.
Jon

[JonW]

'I would have no problem spending 8 hours on a course of action if I understood where it is supposed to help my head pain.'

It is not goal-oriented. It's about being with the pain, not trying to get rid of it. As counter-intuitive as that might sound, that is mindfulness. It takes a lot of practice and a lot of patience. It is not a quick fix approach to anything.
Mindfulness practice is a lifelong practice. It's not something that you devote a few hours to in the hope that you 'get it'. Commit to it and it will almost certainly bring many unexpected gifts. Without commitment, it's likely to become another of those things that you try out for size and quickly forget about.
Jon