Obstacles to mindfulness despite my need to learn

[glowbrain]

Hi,

I'm a consumer of mental health services who has been offered mindfulness in several contexts, including ACT therapy. I can see in theory how it might help me, if it loosens my attachment to the miserable "reality" I identify with through my habitual thoughts.

However I have consistently failed to get to grips with mindfulness, in large part I suppose because I am so attached to the supposed certainties of judgement and categorization of my experience.

In previous years I tried a formal sit down meditation routine, observing the flow of my thoughts and sensations. However I was hobbled by the recurrent thought that I was doing it wrong. For example, I was told I should be observing my breathing without changing it, but anytime I paid attention to my breathing I kept changing it to follow particular breathing cycles and guided visualisations I had picked up studying yoga.

I was tortured by the thought that I wasn't progressing - a judgement which is itself surely out of place in the wished for non-judgemental mindset. Thats sort of contradiction seems typical.

I have been offered supposedly less-demanding beginner approaches, such as my current psychologist suggesting that I respond to my distressing thoughts by imagining myself as watching them the way an elderly person might observe a child playing in the park - not engaging with them, nor judging, just curious and watchful. I have a vague idea of what that might be like, given my curious observation of things like the varying patterns of birds plumage.

However that child-scenario tool still is a non-starter for me, due I think to two "problems":

1. I am always self conscious that in only deploying this thinking mode whenever I identify a "neg" ( as I called distressing thoughts), I am already buying into a judgement and an intention to reduce those thoughts, which itself seems to contradict the detatchment which I am supposed to be applying.

2. I have no idea how I can manufacture curiosity and interest for thoughts that, as I imagine them, are essentially sentences. They are analagous to the small objects, e.g. a key, I was asked to handle mindfully in an ACT workshop. I quickly ran out of things to observe about them and felt silly waiting for some surprise to emerge from nowhere. A manufactured item like a key appears to me as a solid with texture and shape, and nothing more that is not part of it's designed form and function. Similarly, a thought has the function to encode propositional content and can be judged to be true or false. All I can do with it is toggle some assumption of which of those it is, or swap out words thesaurus-style. I imagine there is some other skeptical or experimental reflection you could apply to them, but that is probably no different to the tortured wrestling with my thoughts that distresses me.

So, is there some other way to get into observer mode, to detatch from the illusory reality of thoughts without simply dismissing them as mistakes?

Of even more interest to me than answers to these particular questions is, how can I find more ongoing help to answer questions like this? There are mindfulness courses where I am in Brisbane, but they seem to all cost big bucks. Is there such as thing as a free online mindfulness guru or mentor? Or does the essentially private nature of this practice mean I have to somehow change myself before anyone else can help me?

[beherenow.space]

Hello

Good questions and a really useful experience to share.

How about trying not to be an observer, try not to observe your thoughts! See what happens.

The thing that works best for me regarding thoughts is to have the approach of, 'OK, there's a thought, and there's another one ... I'm remaining alert so I will be ready for the next one, there it is, and ready for the next ...' So my focus is not on the thoughts I am having or the one's I've just had and I am not adapting my attitude towards them, I'm just looking out for the next one to come. By way of an analogy, I'm watching a road and noticing cars pass by, but as each one comes my focus is on being ready to spot the next car.

Not sure if that will help but the key is to keep trying new things; come up with a few of your own and try them out and see what happens. If it doesn't work then drop it and try something else. Be creative, be counterintuitive, use reverse psychology, be light about exploring different methods, attitudes and approaches.

Good luck! :-)
Stephen

[beherenow.space]

Thought this blog might be relevant:

https://beherenowspace.wordpress.com/20 ... the-enemy/

Stephen

[Matt Y]

Hi Glowbrain,

The general tenor of your post seemed to be underpinned by a want to do things 'right' or to get something from the particular technique or strategy being applied. This is a common dynamic in our culture. We get years of training at school where the whole goal is getting things 'right'. That goal is not that compatible with peace of mind!

I would suggest that you try to get things wrong! Making mistakes is a much better strategy for growth and development. No one who gets things right ever learnt anything. I encourage my students to be mediocre meditators. Perfection and meditation don't go so well together.

And as for places to learn to meditate. I have an online course available (see the link in my signature below), and you can pay whatever you like to access it. It aims to make meditation easy.

Good luck.

[Happyogababe]

Hi Glowbrain,

The general tenor of your post seemed to be underpinned by a want to do things 'right' or to get something from the particular technique or strategy being applied. This is a common dynamic in our culture. We get years of training at school where the whole goal is getting things 'right'. That goal is not that compatible with peace of mind!

I would suggest that you try to get things wrong! Making mistakes is a much better strategy for growth and development. No one who gets things right ever learnt anything. I encourage my students to be mediocre meditators. Perfection and meditation don't go so well together.

And as for places to learn to meditate. I have an online course available (see the link in my signature below), and you can pay whatever you like to access it. It aims to make meditation easy.

Good luck.

I really like that approach and it's something that I'll take with me into my practice, thanks.

[FeeHutch]

Hello Glowbrain and welcome to our community.
I don't have much to add to what others have said so far but thank you for being so open and please come back and let us know how you are getting on