Everyday Mindfulness

I thought I would share an experience I had yesterday. I am not sure if it will be helpful to anyone.I am happy to hear any feedback people would like to share.
I haven't started the 8 week course yet,(my wife and I are going to do it together starting in the next couple of days hopefully) but I have done quite a bit of reading around mindfulness and have started doing 10-30 minutes breath focused meditation a day, which seems to really help me be aware of my thoughts through the rest of the day.

I sat down yesterday afternoon to grab 10 minutes meditation time. Usually my mind slows pretty quick to the point where I can acknowledge each thought, and let it go, but this time the thoughts were coming so thick and fast that focusing on breathing seemed to make no difference.
I decided to help myself by talking my way through it. I used my internal voice to talk myself calm. I told myself that I am going to sit for 10 minutes and focus on my breathing, in, out, and when thoughts enter my head I will acknowledge them and let them go. There was quite alot of reassuring dialogue to begin with but I gradually said less and less to myself until I risked a few breaths in complete calm. As a thought popped up I reassured myself that that was OK and to just let it go. The 10 minutes flew past!
It was a real revelation to do this. To feel I wasn't on my own. It felt a bit like having stablisers on. The interesting thing was, when I was using my internal voice, all other thoughts stopped! It gave me that break in thought that I needed to calm down.
One big change I have made to my internal voice recently which has meant I can use it in this kind of way, is to make it more friendly. I didn't realise until recently that my internal voice was neutral and quite cold. Now when I talk to myself it really feels comforting.

Nick

i've wondered about this as well!
i use it a lot when trying to get used to leading new guided meditations, getting the pace and words etc. right
i found it helps with mind wandering by almost stopping it.
in my case it's the words of guidance then a silence to do whatever i'm supposed to do before carrying on again
i took a line from a kristin neff meditation about the internal voice and let it be soft comforting and caring, which is much better than the brutal, harsh critical bully i lived with(in my head) for half my life.
far better to encourage than to force myself to do things.
quite glad to find out i'm not alone in this

it is a bit like the compassionate friend that i developed in compassion therapy, so if it's ok for that it should be ok for this

i have to admit when my therapist suggested this i thought it was time for one of those jackets that makes you hug yourself. the ones with the straps at the ends of the arms. but it worked for me in therapy.

Hi Wagtail,
Thanks for sharing,it is good to hear about your experiences.
A compassionate self voice was the big thing missing for me. I am hoping it will get stronger the more I use it.
ps,
I love your signature, so true

hi nicko
thanks
i can't remember where i got the signature from though it may be a Thích Nhất Hạnh quote.
it wasn't until i listened to kristin neff when i did compassion therapy that i realised you could have a compassionate inner voice.
it had always been the critical bully with the big stick for most of my life up until then.
it's definitely a lot better now, encouraging and supporting rather than forcing.

Nicko wrote:It was a real revelation to do this. To feel I wasn't on my own. It felt a bit like having stablisers on. The interesting thing was, when I was using my internal voice, all other thoughts stopped! It gave me that break in thought that I needed to calm down.
One big change I have made to my internal voice recently which has meant I can use it in this kind of way, is to make it more friendly. I didn't realise until recently that my internal voice was neutral and quite cold. Now when I talk to myself it really feels comforting.

Hi Nick,

when you practice, you are not required to stop your thoughts. Meditation is not something you need to accomplish, or create some special "clear mind" state. There is no problem if your thoughts keep coming and coming. They are supposed to do that. This way, you just look at them, and let them pass. Some days they will be few, and some days there will be many. Just accept them as they are, maybe see how you react to them, are they pleasant or unpleasant, do they make you feel good or bad. That's enough for your practice.

While practicing, if you experience a lot of thoughts, that is actually pretty good. If you observe and let them pass, they might not bother you during your other activities.

If internal voice helps you focus on your breath, use it by all means. You can count the breaths, 1, 2, 1, 2, ... or you can do something else. But do not focus on counting and ignore the breath!

best regards
Nenad

Nice reply Nenad.

One thing I have noticed about thoughts is that I get a lot more when I'm lying down. I usually mediate sitting or kneeling and I get thoughts but not too many. It makes no difference whether it's choiceless awareness or some self guiding. But when I lie down there are loads of thoughts and mind wander. At first I just stopped lying down to mediate but then started once a week just for the hellof it. It makes for a fascinating experience, trying to stay aware of my breath or whatever amid what feels like a constant stream of thoughts. It does feel more rewarding though I'm not sure it's something I'd do if it was a difficult day

Hi Nick,

when you practice, you are not required to stop your thoughts. Meditation is not something you need to accomplish, or create some special "clear mind" state. There is no problem if your thoughts keep coming and coming. They are supposed to do that. This way, you just look at them, and let them pass. Some days they will be few, and some days there will be many. Just accept them as they are, maybe see how you react to them, are they pleasant or unpleasant, do they make you feel good or bad. That's enough for your practice.

While practicing, if you experience a lot of thoughts, that is actually pretty good. If you observe and let them pass, they might not bother you during your other activities.

If internal voice helps you focus on your breath, use it by all means. You can count the breaths, 1, 2, 1, 2, ... or you can do something else. But do not focus on counting and ignore the breath!

best regards
Nenad[/quote]

Hi Nenad,
Thanks for the reply. I think you overestimate me I am still learning to observe thoughts and sometimes observing the breath is just not enough to stop my mind following a thought. Possibly I didn't explain in my original post what happens to me when the thoughts come thick and fast .
It seems that they come so fast I get sucked into them. I am no longer an observer, but I am following a train of thought. I don't let them pass.
By using my internal voice I can pull myself out from following the thought and back to observing them.
I hope this explains, but please let me know if I am missing the point or you feel you can help further

Nicko wrote:It seems that they come so fast I get sucked into them. I am no longer an observer, but I am following a train of thought. I don't let them pass.
By using my internal voice I can pull myself out from following the thought and back to observing them.

Hi Nicko,
now i understand what was bothering you. Surely, when you find yourself with a wandering mind, you can use whatever helps you focus on your breath.

What my point is, your mind is supposed to wander during practice. By experiencing these thoughts and emotions, you are becoming aware of them. It is important for you to realize that you are not supposed to do anything while practicing. You are just watching, and letting go as soon as you are able to. There is no "time limit" during which you have to "catch" your thoughts. If someone can note their thoughts or feelings faster than you it does not make them "better" at practice. Just watch in your own terms, and experience your thoughts and emotions just as you can in that moment.

best regards
Nenad

Ah, I see.
So it doesn't matter how long my mind wanders for.
I'll give it go, thanks.
Nick