How to Train an Elephant (book)

[FeeHutch]

I have found that using loving eyes has a direct effect on my mood and interaction with others. Softening my face helps me mentally relax and diffuses tension or anger.

This week we don our capes and tights to become 'a superhero named Secret Virtue who in the dark of night, creeps about doing good deeds.' I love the idea of doing little kindnesses for others anyway but the task this week is to do these things secretly and take no credit or praise or even correct the recipient if they thank the wrong person. It's hard sometimes I find to do something for another person without wanting our kindness acknowledged. That is something I'm going to be extra mindful of this week. I'm looking forward to planning each days kindness and spending so much time in the house I'll have to think carefully of the best way to do something reach day anonymously

[Steve]

I have struggled with this weeks task which I suspect is revealing to me that I don't look upon others or things as kindly or lovingly as much as I think I do or as much as I should. I am all too quick to jump to conclusions or to treat something or someone as a potential source of threat or criticism, irritant or obstacle. I have had a couple of instances during the week where I treated a situation according to the immediate 'facts' as they appeared to me only to discover (to my embarrassment) at a later date that I did not have all the relevant information. If I had not reacted to the situations but looked at them in a broader context (and not through such a critical eye), I might have increased the chances that I would have responded in a way that had a better outcome (or at least avoided embarrassment).

I guess that the week has at least made me more aware of the way I tend to look at things and this is the first step in trying to look at things in a more favourable, or at least less critical, manner.

As Fee says, the coming week is anonymous acts of kindness which sounds fun. Do random acts of kindness to strangers count, I wonder? These can be fun too - letting someone into a traffic queue in front of you invariably gets a nice wave or smile and its great to think that by doing so you might have helped make that person's day a better one and that they might show an act of kindness to someone else so the initial act of kindness ripples out to many more people.

Steve

[FeeHutch]

I think that would count, that's doing something nice for no 'reward' after all.

[FeeHutch]

Flip this week was hard!
I wanted to do nice things anonymously but being at home so much made it hard. I did do a lot of cooking, cleaning and parenting without drawing attention to it or asking for praise.
Thinking about the challenge did prompt me to reach out to a friend and try and re establish our friendship. I've found some of her behaviour difficult in the last year but I know that is as much due to my past as it is her present.
Reaching out has been hard but not making a point to anyone else that it is hard and doing all I can to give her a sense of having some support has also felt compassionate for us both.
Week 16, take 3 breathes as many times as you can and just take a bit of silent space.
This feels almost too simple. I'm currently checking out Google hangouts via a group my friend has that meets for 3 minute breathing spaces at regular times during the day. This will hopefully fit in with this weeks challenge

[Steve]

Yes, this has been a challenge for me too - I would much rather get some credit/praise for my acts of kindness!

I have put stuff in the dishwasher in the kitchen at the office and filled the kettle again and put it on to boil when there's not much hot water left. I've managed to let people into traffic queues several times and find that quite rewarding - makes you get out of the 'must rush' frame of mind and even though its strangers most are very surprised and give a nice wave.

I've done lots of washing up at home and emptied the cat litter tray (but its obvious its me that had done it as teenage boys certainly don't!). I've pumped up bikes tyres and oiled bike chains for others and on a bike ride today I helped change an inner tube for a stranger - OK she was a lady but but I can't refuse to help someone just because they are of the opposite sex!

I've also happily shared my supply of sweets and chocolate etc but again hardly anonymously.

I shall carry on looking for ways to be kind/generous - even if they are not anonymous and this may help me think of more that I can do anonymously. Anonymous kindness is meant to be even more rewarding so I should persevere.

Steve

PS haven't looked at next weeks chapter yet

[FeeHutch]

You've done lots, is it wrong to congratulate you?!
This is another one that feels like a building block I think. The more you do for others with or without it being noticed or appreciated the easier it will become maybe.
My mindfulness bell from an earlier week sounded after I posted earlier and I think this will be a good way of remembering to take 3 breathes. This feels like another challenge building on an earlier one.

[Steve]

Hi Fee

Thanks for the congratulations - thathelps me feel that maybe I did OK.

Yes. the mindful bell app is a useful prompt to take 3 breaths - I find I sometimes respond to it and at other times I feel I am in the middle of something and let it go but will try to have more '3 breaths' this week.

I agree that many of the chapters seem to build on each other - or it may just be that being mindful of a variety of things builds up. Whatever, I still find this s useful tool for maintaining the practice and doing it one step at a time is good and is a good way of encouraging one to put things into practice rather than just reading about practices.

Steve

[FeeHutch]

So week 16 was all about taking some mindful spaces throughout the day by taking 3 breathes and being still.
The first thing I noticed was a resistance because 3 breathes took so much longer than 1. I also find it still takes me a little time to ficus fully in the moment and got frustrated that I didn't really manage it. This lead me back to contemplating striving, goals and perfection which are themes that I'm working with a lot right now as I head towards qualifying and making choices about where my life goes next.

Week 17 sounds 'easy' enough, pay attention as I walk through doors, be mindful of leaving one space and entering another. I am glad almost to read the author comment that this is one of the hardest tasks for her, it's a reminder of how assumption stills with mindless thoughts. I'm going to combine this where possible with taking a breath too and continue with building on the previous weeks.

I look forward as always to hearing your experiences Steve

[Steve]

The gong on my app probably sounds up to 10 times a day, I don't always hear it but I when I have heard it I have managed to stop for 3 breaths - probably 3 or so times a day (which is more than previous weeks). I've also managed to stop on other occasions (maybe once, sometimes twice a day) when I've remembered the week's task.

As the author says, we can use these pauses to rest the mind so it doesn't have to comment on everything continuously (which it loves to do!). Instead I have just paused to be aware of where I am and what I can hear and see.

So, I have managed more pauses than usual, although continued practice might result in more. It looks like this weeks practice will give lots of opportunities to pause (even if for just one breath) # how many time do we go though doorways in a day? Loads! Let's see how many we remember. I guess we don't need to physically stop (although that would be good) so long as we can be aware of where we are rather than on the usual autopilot pursuing some destination elsewhere.

Let's see how much of a challenge this is.

Steve

[Steve]

This week's task has proved to be difficult - I've found it very difficult to remember to be mindful when going through a doorway, and particularly difficult in familiar surroundings (home, office) and when the door is open. I go through doorways probably hundreds of times a day and am trying to go somewhere when I do so have something else on my mind.

I have to duck for downstairs doorways at home but this is now automatic so has not helped me be mindful.

It is slightly easier when you have to actually open the door or go through a revolving door and slightly easier when there is a big contrast as you go through the door, eg from indoors to outdoors, or from hot to cold, or dark to bright, so I think this is the best place to start or to practice.

I came across this website during the week which includes opening doors as one of the tiny commitments

http://www.raptitude.com/2010/03/how-to ... ommitment/

I haven't yet looked at next week's task so think I'll try the above ideas for the rest of the day.

How have you got on this week Fee?

Steve

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