Self guided meditation

[piedwagtail91]

in a way the more your mind wanders the better the practice because you get more opportunities to 'become aware'.
if it wanders 100 times thats 100 opportunities.
thats why i added my lying down session back in.
it feels totally chaotic compared to sitting but means that i do get a good practice on accepting and 'practicing not getting frustrated' at least once a week.

[Nicko]

Right, that was interesting.
I think I am getting to the bottom of the issue.
I sat for 10 minutes and made a point of accepting any thought that came into my head, what ever it was, acknowledging it, then letting it go. One specific thought came into my head and caused a massive hormonal change in my body. My breathing increased, my heart rate changed, and I really lost track of what I was doing. It took a few minutes to get back to observing thoughts, but the same thought came bouncing back, although a lot weaker.
When I was taught CBT techniques to change/stop unwanted or negative thoughts I built mental triggers which stop or modify these kind of thoughts in their tracks. I think I managed to disable these triggers briefly. It was a very unpleasant experience!

My life has improved massively since learning CBT techniques so I really don't want to go back to entertaining unwanted thoughts.
So I am not sure if I am doing it 'by the book' so to speak but when I am being 'mindful' I think I am subconciously avoiding thought. I focus on the breathing, and the lack of thought in my mind creates a lovely feeling of wellbeing.
Yes, some thoughts do appear, but dissolve pretty quick on the whole, once I bring myself back.Its almost like I am dispatching of the thoughts before I see what they are. I just know there is a thought coming so bring myself back to the breath.

This might not sound consistent with what I have written earlier. I guess I am on a journey.

Nick

[piedwagtail91]

" One specific thought came into my head and caused a massive hormonal change in my body. My breathing increased, my heart rate changed, and I really lost track of what I was doing."

but you didn't lose track, you noticed what that thought triggered in your body.
if that was a thought about an unpleasant experience then noticing the sensations in the body is the right thing to do. it gets you out of all the rights and wrongs that go around in your mind and allows you to begin to experience the emotions attached to that problem.
i think you did really well in shifting awareness to your body.
once you've experienced them in that way they can be less intense the next time they revisit.

[GianKarlo]

When you first start to meditate you may find it difficult to let go of your inner voice, being plagued by busy thoughts...

[Nicko]

When you first start to meditate you may find it difficult to let go of your inner voice, being plagued by busy thoughts...

Indeed.
I also find busy thoughts depend on my energy levels and stress levels.

For me there is a very definite difference bewteen the voice I purposefully use to help myself, my self compassionate voice, and the voice of my 'automatic' thoughts. It might just be that the latter is usually acompanied by visual and other audio thought aswell.
My self compassionate voice is nearly always louder than automatic thoughts, which is helpful. It even sometimes breaks out into speaking out loud.

Nick

[JonW]

Nenad explains it very well.
Our minds are conditioned to behave the way they do. We've spent our entire lives being at the mercy of our thought patterns.
Mindfulness teaches us that we don't need to live that way. But, in the process, we need to be extremely gentle and patient with ourselves. Slowly but surely, with regular practice, healthier habits become the norm.

[Nicko]

.
in the process, we need to be extremely gentle and patient with ourselves. Slowly but surely, with regular practice, healthier habits become the norm.

This is why I have found self compassion to be so useful.

Nick

[Bitterballen]

This is an interesting topic. I think I have had some similar experiences. I have been trying to rely less on guided meditations however I did notice a tendency to scold myself (although fairly gently) when I noticed the mind wandering. It has taken a bit of practice to move away from that. I often find that using the correct words often leads to the feeling itself (a bit like the compassion meditation) - I would say to myself "that's not a mistake" or "congratulations - you've woken up" or whatever and whilst at first the tone wasn't great it does seem to soften as time goes on!