Mindfulness & dealing with colleagues

[Injung]

Hi everyone,

I've been meditating now for the past month - twice-four times daily. I'm doing the meditationSHIFT program and also use Headspace.

I originally turned to mindfulness meditation because of moderate levels of anxiety, depression, stress and insomnia. I am happy to say that in general, it has definitely improved my quality of life and I feel like I can finally see in colour again.

One area that I'm struggling with is my reactions/thoughts with a colleague who I find difficult. It's a long story and I don't want to get into the details but I would like some guidance on how to deal with people/colleagues who make your blood boil . I find that when I meditate, I naturally gravitate to the thoughts that come up regarding this colleague and sometimes I feel like I'm sitting for 15 mins in my anger.
Thanks in advance.

[Peter]

Hi Injung,
Welcome to the forum! Nice to hear that mindfulness has already helped you somewhat. But be patient, because mindfulness keeps deepening.
As for your troubling thoughts about your colleague: In the beginning of the practice we tend to concentrate on grounding ourselves. So when we catch our minds wondering, we try to acknowledge what we were thinking about and bring the focus of our awareness back to the anchor (e.g. the breath). We just keep doing that; again and again. We train the ability to get ourselves out of our heads, and into the here and now. However, after a while, when we feel up to it, we can turn towards our difficulties, thoughts and our responses. We just try to stay aware of them, and examine them; no judging. Just let them be, don't try to change them; there's no point, since they are already there. In time this 'strategy' tends to neutralize our knee-jerk reactions to these difficulties. We learn that our thoughts aren't the truth at all (as we used to believe), and that the more attention we give them, the more we identify with them, and the more real they feel. We learn that it isn't our difficulties that make us suffer, but our thoughts about them.
Good luck!
Peter

[Tody]

Hey,

This was posted to zen habits by Leo today. I think it's just the right thing that you need.

http://zenhabits.net/frustrated/

[Injung]

Thanks for the advice, Peter.
I will have to continue with the meditation and bringing awareness to my daily life consistently. I'm not sure I'm up to turning towards the difficulties just yet…

"We learn that it isn't our difficulties that make us suffer, but our thoughts about them." I love that. I just need to REMEMBER that before I react to the colleague's behaviour. But I feel like I'm progressing. Today, as I was being shouted at by a very angry cyclist for standing in his way, I was able to just observe/step back. It was such a weird feeling, as if time stood still. I kept looking at him, and he was so pissed off that he turned around to look at me after he had passed me and raised one arm in the air and shook it in frustration. And all I could do was look at him without an emotion or thought. Until my daughter, who was with me at the time, asked what was wrong with him! Strange, but good- I would have normally yelled back and felt pissed off for a good while.

Tody - Thanks for the link. It was a great article. I love Zen Habits.

Off to ground me some!

[JonW]

"Off to ground me some!"
What a great expression.
Jon

[Gareth]

We encounter people that we find difficult all the time. When I encounter someone that my mind doesn't like, I tend to try some on-the-spot lovingkindness i.e.

"This is another human being - just like me."
"With loves and fears - just like me."
"Trying to find happiness in the world - just like me."

Hate and anger will only hurt you in the end. It's best to let them go.

[Peter]

Very good advice, Gareth!
Peter

[mybubble]

Hi Injung,

Your situation sounds very similar to mine. I am 3 months into meditation and noticed a huge difference in how I relate to colleagues. They have noticed it too. I noticed a slow natural change over the months that did not require particular effort or thought. It was not perfect, I still reacted poorly on occasions however on many of them when I would have exploded they have washed over me. I remember feeling my breathe almost instinctively as a reaction instead of the usual thoughts.

I wish to focus more on thoughts and letting them pass with awareness but it seems to be happening without much effort. Still a lifetime of improvement needed though and some big relationships to explore mindfully.

In a nutshell, from my experience it will just happen, slowly as time progresses and practice is kept up.

[Injung]

Thanks, Gareth.

I know this person needs compassion. I have a feeling that they are deeply unhappy and fearful. But it's not easy for me - I feel like I'm in the firing line because of their "stuff" and instead of letting it slide, I take it personally. I also recognise that some of the traits this person has are some traits I have and want to get rid of.

The only option I see is to accept, practice more mindfulness, meditation practice and focus onthe work and present. There's no quick fix, is there?
My bubble, thanks for sharing your experience.

[Happyogababe]

It sounds like you are doing really well, it does take time. Slowly but surely it kind of happens all by itself. I'm working on self compassion at present and finding that is working well for me, I definitely needed it as I am my own worst critic.

Have a nice day.