Obsessive Tendencies

[Peanut]

Hello,
I was just wondering if anyone has any teachers or meditations they could recommend for letting go of obsessive tendencies. From a young age I have constantly exhibited behaviours that allow me to feel some sense of arbitrary control over my life, from counting how many shakes of salt I add to a dish or how many times I have to do an exercise routine. That stuff has subsided over the years but a new one has come and reared its head and I am currently struggling with the unease and pain it is bringing me. I am currently overseas, settled at the moment, but always with the knowledge that new travels are coming soon. And I feel obsessed with the thought of going everywhere! If a country or city is suggested instead of feeling excited I suddenly feel overwhelmed with the need to go to all the must see places there and not miss out on anything. As if I do not need to experience the place itself but more know that I have ticked all of it off. It is taking all the enjoyment and excitement out of everything. It is putting me in a bit of a negative spiral because I also know how lucky I am to have these opportunities so I immediately feel guilty for having such privileged obsessive thoughts. In conjunction with the obsession over traveling I have an obsession with money and not spending it on anything at all frivolous, so there is a lot of conflicting stuff happening in my mind. I know I should probably seek help from a counsellor but I am currently in a non-english speaking country and do not have the means to afford this. So would really appreciate if anyone has any recommendations on teachers or meditations who touch on these subjects.
Thanks!

[MiM]

Hi Peanut,

Tara Brach's book "Radical Acceptance" comes to my mind as having some chapters and concepts that could be helpful to you. If I get her right, she would advice you to open up to your obsessions, accept their existence and that they are not your fault. That way it gets easier to work on not acting them out. She also goes a bit into Buddhism and maybe doesn't have the most scientific touch, so if those are not problems for you, you might be interested in reading the book.

I am in the middle of it myself, so not ready to write any deeper review, but "monkey" loved it here: viewtopic.php?f=23&t=4394&p=12683&hilit=radical+acceptance#p12683

[kimjohnson]

Sharon Zalzberg's book Loving-Kindness. the revolutionary art of happiness.
Sharon does a good job presenting the tradition of metta meditation, as far as I can tell, although I'm certainly no expert on it.

[Peanut]

Thanks so much for your recommedations!
MiM - Honestly thank you so much! I have now been on Tara's website and already listened to two of her talks. I can't really describe how right it feels to listen to her speak, but it is as if all the gaps, insecurities, and concerns I have had since beginning mindfulness are being put to rest. A little at a time of course Her radical acceptance is so fresh to me and was so desperately needed, especially as I feel like my self-judgment may be the biggest stressor in my life. I can tell it will be a work in progress but I feel excited rather than overwhelmed about beginning this journey.

Kim - thank you for your recommendation I will definitely look into Sharon's book as well

[SheilaB]

Hi Peanut,

It sounds like your own instinct is that therapeutic support may be helpful - I'd encourage you to follow that up. A skilled therapist can guide you in the appropriate use of mindfulness and meditations. If you're in the UK, many GPs are now able to refer to MBCT courses at local hospitals - these are Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy courses run by mental health professionals. Some hospitals even allow self-referral.

In my own experience (personally, and also as a mindfulness teacher), in some circumstances it can be very helpful to access help from a therapist first, and then build a sustainable mindfulness and self-kindness practice in the long term.

Best of luck - I hope you find some helpful support.

Sheila