I'm really struggling right now..

[aly4519]

I feel like I'm questioning everything about mindfulness, and it feels more overwhelming than it did before I practiced mindfulness.

I constantly ask myself questions like:

- what's the purpose of coming back to the present moment?" and this leads to a bunch of other thoughts.

- when I realize that I'm not having a good day, I really start to doubt mindfulness. "what if I don't know how to come back to the present" (I know, this question sounds crazy but true).

- I am also constantly bothered by certain thoughts. Whether the thought itself is bothering me, or I'm bothered by the fact that I have the though, I don't know how to let them go in every day life.

- how am i supposed to watch thoughts come and go in every day life? I imagine it's the same as in my meditation practice? (come back to the breath).

- how often should I check in to see how i'm feeling? to check in with my emotions.



And a lot of the thoughts that bother me are connected to a very important project that I'm working on. it's one that will make or break my career. and every time I think about it, I have the thought that "I don't want to work on this project" or "it bores me at times" and I hate that I have that thought. That thought causes so much angst, because the project is such an important part of my career.

sorry if this doesn't make any sense. I just need some guidance and support right now.

- Aly

[JonW]

Hi Aly,
That's difficult to answer without some more info.
Could you remind me how long you've been practicing mindfulness for now?
Did you do the 8-week course? If not, how did you begin?
How would you describe your practice? How long per day? Which particular practices? Sitting meditations? Body scans? Mindful movements?
Are you doing much reading around the subject?
Do you spend much time with other people who have an interest in meditation?
How long have you been feeling the way you do about your practice?
All best,
Jon

[aly4519]

Jon, thanks so much. Here's some information.

Hi Aly,
That's difficult to answer without some more info.
Could you remind me how long you've been practicing mindfulness for now? About 14 months
Did you do the 8-week course? If not, how did you begin? I didn't. I started with Headspace and still use that daily.
How would you describe your practice? How long per day? Which particular practices? Sitting meditations? Body scans? Mindful movements? 20 minutes everyday. Sitting meditation which starts with deep breaths, body scan, noticing how I feel emotionally, and then watching the breath for about 15 minutes.
Are you doing much reading around the subject? A ton. I've read virtually all the major books on the topic (including the one by Williams describing the 8 week course, though I did not do the course).
Do you spend much time with other people who have an interest in meditation? No, not really. You guys are my meditation family
How long have you been feeling the way you do about your practice? For a few months at least.
All best,
Jon

[JonW]

Hello again.
I'm a big believer that, whenever it's possible to do a course with a recommended teacher, that's the way to go. Something tells me that might be just what you need right now to re-ground yourself in the practice and refresh your practice.
You live in Boston, right? How far away from your home is Kabat-Zinn's Centre For Mindfulness? If that's not feasible, are there any other 8-week groups running? Or you might prefer to do the course with a teacher in a 1-2-1 situation.
To my mind, those would be the best ways of plugging yourself back in, and it sounds to me that's what you need right now.
All best wishes,
Jon

[aly4519]

Hello again.
I'm a big believer that, whenever it's possible to do a course with a recommended teacher, that's the way to go. Something tells me that might be just what you need right now to re-ground yourself in the practice and refresh your practice.
You live in Boston, right? How far away from your home is Kabat-Zinn's Centre For Mindfulness? If that's not feasible, are there any other 8-week groups running? Or you might prefer to do the course with a teacher in a 1-2-1 situation.
To my mind, those would be the best ways of plugging yourself back in, and it sounds to me that's what you need right now.
All best wishes,
Jon

that sounds like a real good idea.... the main center is some what of a hike, but I imagine there are closer courses. thank you so much!

[JonW]

I did the 8-week group course twice this year as part of my teacher training - once as an observer, then again as a co-facilitator. I found the experiences to be invaluable.
Sometimes going back to the start is just what we need.
Do let us know how you get along and have a fab Xmas.
All good things,
Jon

[Gareth]

Hi Aly,

Sorry to hear that you're having a tough time right now.

It's worth remembering that mindfulness is no panacea. Life can be tough. What's more, we are trying to handle complex modern life with palaeolithic hardware, which can compound the problem.

It sounds like taking the course would be a really good option for you, if your circumstances allow. The support of a teacher, and other students to bounce things off should be invaluable. We'll always be around if you have any questions.

[Peanut]

Hi Aly,

I know this is a delayed response but I just wanted to send a little message to say I really relate to all the issues you have described. I also think redoing the course is such a great piece of advice!

Unlike you I have only been practicing for about four months and my 8 week Mark Williams course dragged out to about 12. I feel like mindfulness is going to be a part of my life forever now as it is slowly (and sometimes I forget!) showing me that I shouldn't be chasing happiness but I should just bring curiosity and acceptance to all and whatever. But I often have dark days where I feel like mindfulness has made stuff (bad stuff) so much more apparent and visceral. I have seen many people write that mindfulness can bring lots of the issues to the fore and I guess persevering with regular practice is so key.


"when I realize that I'm not having a good day, I really start to doubt mindfulness. "what if I don't know how to come back to the present" (I know, this question sounds crazy but true)." Haha I really relate to this, some mornings I wake up and my first thought is "what am I thinking? Am I happy? Am I sad? What is my body feeling?" I guess mindfulness has taught me to look inward, but in the same token I am still such a beginner that often my doing mind (cleverly masquerading itself as the being mind) volunteers to answer this question. And so the answers are sometimes skewed by old thinking habits which yell out "no you feel a bit anxious, you felt anxious yesterday too... You are going to feel anxious forever!" or "Mindfulness doesn't work for you, everyone else has it and you are just too crazy! You can never be in the present" I am slowly getting better at now recognising this ruminating as just that and laughing at the silliness and complexities of the human mind rather than taking it as fact.

Anyway after that spiel, what I would really like to say which has been super useful to me these past couple of days is please practice self-compassion and kindness! Throughout life all that is certain is 'we' are the only 'we' we are always going to have so we should treat ourselves like a best friend who deserves understanding and patience