What is all that tension I feel during sitting meditation?

[LucidMind]

Hi all!


While there are short periods of time during my formal meditation of breath where I am calm and relaxed, for about 90% of it I experience intense and uncomfortable feelings. It's almost as if I can feel anxiety pulsing throughout my body. As soon as the meditation ends, it disappears like magic! Now, I am able to keep my focus on my breath while accepting these feelings so it's not interrupting my practice at all, but I was wondering where all that tension and anxiety comes from? Is it likely that I am carrying around all that tension with me throughout the day and meditation just allows it to bubble up? Or could it be that for some reason meditation just evokes those feelings for me at this point in my life? Does anybody else have experience with this?

[samdylanirwin]

Hi Lucid Mind

To understand where this tension and anxiety comes from you must first understand how your parasympathetic nervous system works.

In the nervous system there is the fight or flight mode which you probably know about, but there is also another aspect...freeze. When we are younger we were often not allowed to express who we truly were, be that from parents, caregivers or teachers who unintentionally shut us down. This kind of thing you can't run from or fight...and the energy gets registered in the nervous system as an assumption that 'this action is longer safe in this environment.' Often it is this energy that is called a 'trauma.'

The important thing here is that the nervous system only cares about your safety. It is very primal. It's number one job is to protect you. The thing is that it doesn't realise that the danger has passed. It's is still holding this poise that it needs to defend. It's like the Japanese soldiers in the pacific who still thought that the war was on long after it had finished.

So sometimes when we are in meditation, these past feelings can come up. So this is basically why 99% of self help stuff doesn't work, because when we go in with the intention to try and fix something, it is the exact same energy that caused the problem in the first place...and the nervous system knows how to hide from the best.

The key is dropping into body awareness, meaning the physical feeling of your body.

The body is always in the present moment. In the present moment we can see things that the mind will often overlook.

Allowing here is really the key...creating an inner environment where the nervous system feels safe...you're basically trying to become it's friend. Realise that there is no negative emotions just energy that wants to be heard. I use the analogy of a child in distress...you don't give it a book or tell it to do some technique...you just simply be with it...the child feels safe and soon she is fine...the energy just moves through naturally.

When these feelings of tension come up, see where you feel it in the body. If there is a strong sensation somewhere just stay with that. No intention to try and fix anything. No agenda. Just be with it. Ask it if there is anything it needs. Ask it if it can be open to seeing that maybe this danger has passed...maybe it is possible to experience safety and freedom at the same time...The key is to let it guide you.

Notice how gentle and honouring this is, there is no technique, just being with whatever is here. The cool thing is that the nervous system is just protecting the very best parts of you, nothing was ever lost.

I hope that helps!

[LucidMind]

Sam,

I am very grateful for your reply, thank you so much for taking the time to write that up for me. The metaphor about the child in distress really resonated with me. I used to do body scans fairly often and they helped me to feel so much more centered and grounded throughout my day. I don't know why I got away from doing them, but as you wrote, I really think bringing my attention back into my body and making room for those feelings will be a powerful experience.

Also, I think you are spot on with the flight, fight, freeze explanation. That makes perfect sense as to why my body is *screaming* at me to move, run, get up...anything but sit still with my eyes closed. I am looking forward (without expectations) to bringing my awareness to my body when this tension arises.

Thanks so much for you help!

[KernelOfWisdom]

Hello Lucidmind,

GREAT response from samdylanirwin! I completely agree and just wanted to reiterate that you're not alone and this experience is VERY common! Your body holds on to SO much, especially when it comes to unconscious emotional memory or strong emotions in general. I have seen many students struggle through physical discomforts when meditating (especially in their first several months of really getting into the practice) and it feels so foreign and sometimes out of control or worrying, but your body really is just trying to release. So yes, try to just be with those feelings, care for them, listen to them and allow them to finally feel heard/validated and then you wont need to hold onto them anymore.

In any case, can't say it any better than samdylanirwin so I will end it there, but I know it's always great to hear from others that have seen the same thing and have seen the same coping mechanisms/strategies work too!