Ways To Become More Compassionate

[gad]

Holy Smoke! As I mentioned when I posted my question it was my first post ever. Then this morning I opened up this site and found a long string of comments, experiences and suggestions. This has my heart racing because I sit here on my own going over the same thoughts time and again and now reading what each of you is saying takes me out of my cycle and leads me to some options. I cannot tell you how meaningful it is to read your own personal experiences as well as following up on some of the links and ideas that have been offered. I feel so excited and optimistic. I am taking note of these ideas and suggestions and will be following up.
It is so interesting to be sharing these very important and personal thoughts and Ideas. Thank you all.

[FeeHutch]

I find sharing experiences one of the most useful parts of our community and I'm glad it is proving so helpful for you too gad

[JonW]

We're all glad to have you aboard, gad.
Please don't hesitate to ask if you have any questions and do let us know how mindfulness is going for you.
Have a cracking weekend, Jon

[paulsonb]

The good news is that its certainly possible to become more compassionate. Richard Davidson and colleagues from UW-Madison just published a paper on the changes in brain and behavior from only 2 weeks of training!

I've summarized their research along with some analysis here: beakofthefinch.com/cultivating-compassion-with-meditation/

The compassion meditation audio from the study is available for free from the UW Center for Investigating Healthy Minds: http://investigatinghealthyminds.org/compassion.html

I, too, am looking to improve in this area of my practice and will have to go and explore the other links and resources mentioned by previous posters - thanks for sharing!

Take care,

Ben

[FeeHutch]

Hi Ben
Welcome to the community and thank you for sharing.
I look forward to getting to know you better
Fee

[gad]

This information and feedback that you are all providing is precisely what I was looking for. I am slowly taking each lead and following up. This is the sort of practice that I need in that just wanting to be more compassionate is, I have discovered, not enough. It needs a practice and these are good avenues to follow.
Along that line I remember a practice that I did probably around 10 years ago or so in which I would sit on a bench on a busy street and try to clear my mind and then just watch each person walk or drive by and pay attention to what my internal reaction was to each one. It was a remarkable discovery - and fortunately sometimes it made me laugh - to see how judgemental I was about everyone. I found that I saw each person first and foremost in relation to me. I was either better than them or they were better than me. Or I was repelled by someone or attracted to them. All of it was about me and it was interesting that all of this was just going on in me. I wasn't manufacturing or calculating it was as though this was just my 'natural' or 'default' way of living.
I found that when I did this for some weeks then this immediate judgement began to lose some of its force and became a little less automatic. Well, perhaps not less automatic but more as though I could just be aware of it and let it go and see the person in front of me more as them and not just a reflection of me.
Some of this, again as I look back on it, has informed how I have lived much of my life. Recently a friend who is a producer at Canada's public radio broadcaster made a small profile of me and it was just rebroadcast yesterday. It is called 'Baby Guru' and if you are interested here is the link:
http://www.cbc.ca/tapestry/episode/2013 ... -atheists/

[bimbabruna]

I feel like @gad in so many ways! It's like you've been writing what I've been thinking since I came up to this magnific forum!:) I've been practicing since almost two years and in this time a lot of questions, experiences, difficulties and so on appear in the way, and I don't have the answers nor a friend or mate or a master to tell them how difficult sometimes a mindful life can be.

Judgement is right now my main obstacle. As I've become more and more aware of the thoughts, emotions, feelings and sensations in my head and body it has been like turning the radio out loud --now I know what I think and feel and judge of every single thing I'm seeing or doing. And I'm judgemental everytime! For no reason and because of every little thing that may apear in my life. So once a week or so I feel like 'OK, turn off the radio, I'm having fun in this party I don't want to meditate!'.

When I'm in this point I feel very very difficult to return to the awareness and almost impossible to feel self-compassion, I can describe this moments as if my ego or the permanent voice in my head suddenly gets all the power that I'm removing it by meditating. It's quite strange situation.

Wonderful links, I'm going to meditate with the guided meditation YouTube vid!

Maria

[JonW]

Judgment is a big obstacle. It's as though we're hardwired to judge. Good/bad, right/wrong, left/right.
It's an exhausting way to live.
The fact that we become conscious of the fact that we're being judgmental is a big step forward.

[Happy Buddha]

Dear all, It is warming to see so many responses to our friend's original question so I find a lot has been said but thought I would write a few words.

For years I felt not good enough and bad about myself, and also for many years I was told by friends and colleagues that I needed to love myself precisely because of how I was feeling. I got tired of hearing it though because nobody told me how to do it. They could talk about the destination but not how to get there.

I discovered the way to self compassion (the basis for compassion for others) via my own mindfulness practice and though at times it was and is difficult it is actually very simple.
What I realised is that I have to be willing to feel/experience those very parts of myself that don't feel good. For example if I have an insecure feeling (or a sad feeling) that makes me want to close down and hide away I can consciously turn toward that feeling/experience and notice what it feels like. I may even ask myself a question "what does this feel like?" The reason for the question is that it brings in curiosity and increases my ability to observe that "something" without criticism and judgement. I have found questions of this nature a wonderful tool in my mindfulness practice.

But instead of turning toward our painful feelings most of us try to keep them out of awareness, thinking that this will keep us Okay, but this just keeps those feelings repressed and static often for many years. If we can turn toward our difficult feelings with gentleness and awareness this is itself an act of compassion and allows those feelings to open and heal. Just like a person opens and heals when in company they trust.

I also watch out for the tone of thought I use toward myself - if it is harsh at least I can drop it if I am aware and respond differently. What I realised is that giving myself a hard time never, ever, ever leads to me being a better or happier person - just more miserable.

For myself mindfulness and compassion meditation are the same practice even though they can be separated into different practises too. I often teach loving kindness meditation on the courses I run - some people really like it.

This compassion for self naturally matures into compassion for others because that is the nature of compassion to grow and be concerned about others that is why it is called compassion. be well, happy and compassionate, Happy Buddha

[FeeHutch]

Thank you so much for sharing