By Chelsea Leger
Every week I see new articles promoting mindfulness for children. As someone who has heralded this cause for more than a few years, I’m excited to see schools, child-care facilities, and parents recognizing the importance of teaching our kids to deal with their minds and the endless thoughts, emotions, and urges they produce. The effect this effort will have on the world in a decade or two can’t be overstated. If we work together to teach future generations how to properly deal with the problems our minds create, we have the ability to greatly reduce stress, anxiety, depression, and conflict. As the Dalai Lama has said:
“If every 8 year old is taught meditation, we will eliminate violence from the world within one generation.”
This may seem to be a lofty goal. But, there’s no doubt we have an unprecedented opportunity to create a better world for everyone. In light of this movement, we need to ensure our children receive proper instruction when it comes to meditating. The same challenges that adults face in their practice affect our little ones as well, and it’s our responsibility to help them navigate the obstacles. Below are three common ones, and suggestions on how you can help your children overcome them.
First obstacle: they wriggle, they giggle, and they can’t seem to stay focused.
Kids are easily distracted, but so are adults! Getting lost in thought is the human condition, and it isn’t exclusive to childhood. Just sitting here writing this post, I’ve caught my attention wandering several times! That being said, children sometimes need extra help in this department, especially when they’re very young or just starting out with a meditation practice. When you notice your child has lost focus, ask them in a friendly tone if they’re distracted – they might not be aware that their attention has wandered, so just asking the question can be enough to steer them back on course. If not, ask them what it is that’s captured their attention – it could be something internal like a thought or feeling, or external like a sound or interesting object. Getting them to verbally acknowledge the distraction to another person (you) can help them refocus. But, be mindful that the exchange is kept to just a few words, since you don’t want to get into a conversation in the middle of your session. Once they tell you what it is, gently guide them back to their breath. After the session, take the opportunity to remind them (and yourself!) that it’s natural to get distracted, and there’s no need to judge themselves or get frustrated. It’s all part of the process – they are practicing “catching” their attention when it wanders. The basic instructions are as follows:
- Focus your attention on your breath – this is your anchor;
- At some point you’ll become aware of thoughts, and realize your attention is no longer on your breath;
- When you “catch” this happening, simply return your attention to your breath (your anchor).
That’s it. The more they practice this, the quicker they’ll notice when they’re distracted during school and other everyday activities. And, the quicker they notice, the faster they can bring themselves back to the present moment!
Second obstacle: they can’t seem to keep their eyes closed.
Kids are full of energy and it can be difficult for them to close their eyes at bedtime when it’s dark, let alone in the middle of the day when it’s bright! The struggle to keep one’s eyes closed can turn into a bigger distraction than you might believe, so instead of letting it derail the meditation session, try selecting an everyday object to serve as a “just in case” focal point. Let them know they should always try to close their eyes, but if they can’t, they can look at the designated object and let their eyes “rest” there for the remainder of the session. The object shouldn’t be anything they want to play with or handle. Rather, it should be something ordinary they can look at without becoming distracted. Consider using a reference book, candle, or small box – all are good choices.
Third obstacle: they get restless or say meditation is “boring.”
Just like adults tend to equate sitting still with laziness or being unproductive, kids associate sitting still with dullness and boredom. They don’t feel like they’re actually doing anything unless they’re moving! Keep things fresh and interesting by supplementing your normal meditation sessions with mindfulness exercises such as mindful eating, mindful walking, and mindful drawing. These activities not only offer variety and keep them engaged, but also give them opportunities to bring mindfulness into their everyday routine. They’re great practice and are fun to do together! If your child is consistently getting restless during meditation, you may want to re-evaluate the length of your sessions. If you’ve been practicing for 10 minutes, go back down to five minutes and see if that helps. Or, if you’ve been steady at the 5-minute mark, try decreasing the length and increasing the frequency of your sessions. For example, instead of two 5-minute sessions, do three 3-minute sessions.
No matter what obstacles you come across with your child, remember that flexibility is key in helping them address and overcome them. It’s critical that you keep an open mind and maintain your own meditation practice – if you do, you’ll be able to help them flourish and grow with theirs.
Chelsea Leger is a mother of two, and the Chief Mindfulness Officer at meditationSHIFT. She is also the creator of “ARC: mindfulness for children.”
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Thanks for sharing this amazing meditation tips. Really very helpful!