People often ask me if mindfulness has ‘worked’ for me, and if so, how. It’s become so obvious to me how the practice has improved my life, that sometimes I don’t think to be explicit about this. So I thought maybe it was time to do just that.
These benefits have unfolded over the last 7 years or so that I’ve had a mindfulness practice. Some changes happened quite quickly, some developed more gradually. Some of the benefits arose from my formal (or sitting) meditation practice; others resulted from a more informal way of being in the world, or from a useful book or piece of knowledge that my teachers shared.
This list started out as 5 ways that mindfulness has helped me, but it quickly grew. There are probably many more that I could add, but here are 10 to be going on with…
1. I don’t ‘suffer’ from anxiety any more
Having spent years grappling with debilitating anxiety, this one has been huge for me. Mindfulness and self-compassion offer a totally different way to find peace with anxiety, and this was a complete game-changer for me. The befriending approach means that I no longer label myself with the belief ‘I am anxious’, I just notice when anxiety is present and let it be. It doesn’t stay forever, and it doesn’t dictate my behaviour. That feels like I’ve been set free. An obvious example was when I had a cancer scare last year, and was surprised by how calm I felt through the whole thing. Those 6 weeks were actually enjoyable, as I never felt like the tests were hanging over me or putting life on hold. The ability to remain so present with my experience, even during times like that, is a real gift from my practice.
2. I laugh more
One of the side-effects of being less caught up in my thoughts and worries is that I’m more open to humour. Whether that’s sharing a giggle with my husband or a friend, doing something silly to make our son laugh, or really ‘getting’ his inventive 5-year-old jokes. It might sound weird, but I don’t care that I’m starting to get wrinkles – because many of them are laughter lines!
3. I cry more
Yes, you read that right! Mindfulness doesn’t make life more comfortable, but it does make it more beautiful. Let me explain. I used to have a really difficult time letting myself feel sad, even when that was the appropriate emotional response. I would feel afraid of being overwhelmed by my so-called ‘negative’ feelings. There was also a subtle sense that to feel sadness meant I was failing at life. Multiple bereavements provided an opportunity to bring mindfulness to this, and enriched my emotional landscape dramatically. So now if sadness is what’s arising, I can feel that fully. I even welcome a good cry, and feeling things fully usually means I don’t get ‘stuck’ in them. I’ve even come to appreciate the inherent beauty of the feelings that prompt tears. These days, I’m much more easily moved in general – by others’ joy and pain, aswell as my own. This kind of open-hearted engagement with life is very precious to me.
4. My ‘To Do’ list is shorter
Many people who know me personally say that I seem to get a lot done. What they might not know is that I don’t get alot done , I’ve just got better at focussing on the things that really matter. I notice I’m much better at doing that when I’m meditating every day. (And yes, I more than ‘make back’ the time I take to meditate.) You won’t usually find me starting my day writing a list of things I need to do. Instead, you’ll find me crossing off the things I’ve realised I don’t need to do. And that creates a feeling of space and freedom in which I can be with what’s left. How I spend my time then feels more enjoyable, as it consists of the things I’ve chosen to give my attention to.
5. I’m more confident
Over the last few years, I’ve been staggered by my own bravery many times. Public speaking is an example I’m sure many of you can relate to. I’d always been so terrified of talking in front of people that I spent most of my adult life avoiding situations where that might be required. (Cue flashbacks of the time at university when I had to give a presentation and the words would literally not come out of my mouth. Mortified isn’t the word). Mindfulness and self-kindness have helped me develop a higher level of discomfort tolerance – or emotional confidence, as I call it. This means that now, I can lead even large classes of more than 25 people with relative ease. If discomfort arises, I can handle it, and even welcome it as what connects me to my students. We’re all human, after all!
6. I sleep better
Once upon a time I was a terrible sleeper. During my more anxious phases, I’d either be awake on and off throughout the night, or up at 5am mentally rehearsing work tasks. Since I began practising mindfulness, my sleep has improved drastically. Over the last year or so, as I’ve stepped up my sitting meditation even more, I’ve also noticed I’ve begun to need less sleep. I’m wondering if this is because my sleep is better quality. Whatever the reason, I’m astounded to find that 6am meditations are actually something I want to do. I’d never have thought I’d choose that over an extra half hour in bed!
7. I’m more resilient
Difficult, awkward and uncomfortable stuff happens in life. We can’t avoid that. But mindfulness does change how we respond to it. Over the past 7 years, I’ve seen how I bounce back from upset much easier than I used to. Instead of spending days at at time beating myself up or feeling embarrassed about something that’s happened, I can now acknowledge the discomfort and find a way to move forward – which frees up a lot of time for other things! I also have a much greater trust that I can handle whatever might come up. So instead of pre-living everything (as Mark Williams puts it), I can let things unfold and know that I will cope, and that I can be there for myself if things get rough. This is also really helpful for being able to let go of things that ‘go wrong’ – often I can find an alternative perspective and feel glad about how things turn out.
8. I eat better
For years I’d been saying I needed to eat more healthily. What I’ve found is that the more mindful I’ve become in life, so this has extended to how I eat. Without any forcing or feeling deprived, I’ve begun to eat the way I always aspired to. It started with noticing that I was choosing salad when there were chips on the menu. Then I just got a whole lot more aware of what I was eating, and how it made me feel. I have recently been eating a vegan diet (I hesitate to say ‘I am vegan’, as it’s still early days) – and the revelation for me is that I’m really enjoying getting creative in the kitchen. I’m not a natural chef, and I used to feel I didn’t have time for endlessly peeling fruit and veg. But I stand corrected. And it feels really good.
9. I really listen more often
Being more present in my life is a tricky thing to describe. But one of the ways it really shows up is in my relationships with others. I’ve heard it said that attention is the most basic form of love.* This certainly feels true when I’m really listening to our son telling me about his latest game of castles and dragons – rather than mentally doing the shopping list in my head. Or when I ask my husband how his day was, and actually listen to the answer. This is the beginning of mindful communication: when we really listen, and then speak from a place of better understanding. Everyone wants to feel valued and understood, and it’s gift I can give to others just by listening a little more deeply. The result is often more connection and less frustration all round.
*Not my wisdom, but that of Krishnamurti, as shared by Tara Brach.
10. I’m kinder
This is a huge one, in fact I’d go so far as to say underpins most of the above. When I’m asked to define mindfulness, I usually say it’s ‘Being With your experience in a gentle and accepting way’ (those capitals are intentional by the way). This way of Being is completely infused with kindness. Learning to practice self-kindness has helped me transform my relationship with anxiety, grief and self-criticism. Now that I can be kinder to myself, I also find it easier to be kind and compassionate to others, and to live this in the daily moments of life. This might mean forgiving a little more readily, or doing things that put me out a bit, but I know someone else will appreciate. I’m not a saint of course, but when I’m feeling a bit lost, I usually find that kindness can point me in the right direction.
I’d love to hear the ways that practising mindfulness has made a positive difference in your life – drop me a comment below or tweet me @sheilabayliss
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Excellent article! I really like it when you say that you notice an emotion present and let it just be. As you say, emotions do not stay forever, and they do not have to dictate our behaviour. When considering depression, I find it useful to simply note depression and let it be, without getting “depressed about being depressed”! – which unfortunately is what many people do!
People who criticize mindfulness do not seem to understand these types of issues.
Thank you again for this excellent article.
Thanks for the appreciative comment. Yes, it’s almost impossible to explain ‘being with’ feelings instead of ‘doing with’ – which is how we may try to get rid of the unpleasant ones. Mindfulness moves us away from that verbal/conceptual mode and into a different ‘being’ space. I’m not sure I can ever really express that in words as it needs to be experienced directly. I’m glad you discovered it through your own practice 🙂
Hi Shelia,
Inspiring stuff. Good for you.
I’d love to know/learn more about how self kindness has helped you with anxiety. For instance, it’s one thing being at home feeling anxious and letting it be compared to being in a social situation you find virtually impossible and letting it be.
Be great to hear from you if you get a sec,
Thanks.
Hi James,
Thanks for the comment!
You can find a more detailed account of how I worked with self-kindness in relation to anxiety in the piece I wrote on this site called ‘Making Friends With My Anxiety’.
I should probably say that I worked with both mindfulness and self-kindness regularly over a long period before I could rely on it on-the-spot. I would never recommend forcing yourself to ‘be with’ difficult feelings before you feel ready – in fact it’s an act of self-kindness to go gently with this. I think of it as finding the edge between courage & kindness, and that can be an ongoing practice! As I mentioned, it took me some time to build the discomfort tolerance to be able to cope with the public speaking situations that used to terrify me.
It’s also important to remember that in cases of severe, distressing or debilitating anxiety it’s a good idea to enlist the help of a suitably-trained therapist. My own journey into mindfulness actually began with a CBT therapist who incorporated mindful approaches.
Wishing you luck as you explore what’s right for you,
Sheila
This is a great article! It’s really inspirational that you have gotten so far in life. I am just beginning my mindfulness journey and I find it really difficult to meditate sometimes without getting distracted. Do you have any tips on morning meditation practice?
Thank you!
Thank you for your kind words.
In terms of morning meditation practice, I can say that for me personally it was quite a few years before it suited me to meditate first thing in the morning. I used to feel too agitated at that time of day and that would put me off.
These days I’m more comfy with it when my mind is very busy during practice – I now know that it’s a chance to learn about my own habitual thought patterns, and that awareness is so helpful in mindfulness. Since I realised that distraction isn’t ‘failure’, but an opportunity to practice being mindful (over & over, we do need that repetition!), I’ve found it much less of a struggle.
This animated clip from Happify says it much better than I can –
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=rqoxYKtEWEc
If you follow me on twitter, you’ll find me sharing lots of stuff like that, for beginners seeking supportive resources. I’m always happy to chat there too.
Best of luck with developing your practice,
Sheila
I think it’s so important to describe what a mindful life looks like so more people can doscover its benefits. This article does it perfectly! Nicely done.
Thank you so much! It’s hard to put some of it into words, but I know that being aware of the benefits can help encourage people to keep going with regular practice.
Hi Sheila
I finally got round to looking for your Twitter site and found this blog – it’s awesome! Obviously straight from the heart. I’ve shared it on my Facebook, Living Well Mindfulness, thank you so much!
Oh thank you Sheila! Yes, I think writing from the heart is the only way I know 😉 Was good to see you recently. Do keep checking out the Everyday Mindfulness site, there are loads of great pieces on here.
Very insightful post, Sheila. I am hoping to work on and improve in those 10 areas you mention and look forward to starting a Mindfulness course in autumn.
Thank you for the kind words.
I’m teaching a couple of courses this autumn, and looking forward to sharing what I’ve learned.
I hope you enjoy the course you’re doing and find it helpful in establishing or deepening your practice.
Hello!
I really enjoyed this blog post, especially your focus and insight into the mental benefits to practicing mindfulness, including lessened anxiety and more compassion.
You also said that you are able to sleep better, but I was wondering if there are any other physical health benefits to your mindfulness meditations? Do you feel more energized or healthier than you used to?
Thank you for your comment, I’m glad you enjoyed the post. It’s a really interesting question you’ve asked. One other benefit I have seen in myself is improved immunity: I used to catch every cold going and find it hard to shake things off, but now that’s pretty unusual. I hadn’t made a link to my practice until I heard that studies have shown that compassion (or kindness) meditation in particular has been shown to improve immunity – and I saw a shift in this in my own experience following about 18 months of kindness meditation being my main practice.
In a general sense I would also say yes, I do feel healthier these days – I think because mindfulness helps me to make healthier choices, eg around food and going to bed earlier! But also given that mindfulness changes the way we relate to our experience, I seem to find that feeling fatigued or under the weather doesn’t bother me as much (the development of equanimity would be a grander label to put on that). I’m able to put a great deal of energy into things that matter to me. But that doesn’t mean that I push myself unnecessarily – pacing and prioritising both come much more naturally when we are mindful. Wow, that was a longer answer than I intended, you really made me think there! Hope that answers the question 🙂