Fear of letting go

[oingravefeet]

One of the biggest challenges I'm facing is allowing myself to let go of my thoughts. I've become so used to constantly ruminating and analysing, and I identify so strongly with my mind that I can't imagine how l could function otherwise. Each time I think I'm getting close to being present a sort of 'mental wall' appears and I find myself unable to make the final leap.

What if I lose control? How can I survive without thinking? What if I become some kind thoughtless of zombie? What if I give up on my goals and ambitions? What if I become less intelligent or do something stupid?

Are all the kind of thoughts I have. Whilst I realize that mindlessness is ruining my life, I find myself strongly attached to it.

Any advice?

[JonW]

Hi oingravefeet.
Welcome to the forum. Good to have you on board.
A bit more information about your practice would be useful here. Are you doing the 8-week mindfulness course with a qualified teacher? Are you learning from a book? If so, which one? Or are you learning via some other method?
We're a friendly bunch on this forum and we'll always endeavour to help out when we can.
All best wishes,
Jon, Hove

[oingravefeet]

Hi, thanks for the reply. I've been learning from the book "Mindfulness: A practical guide to finding peace in a frantic world" by Mark Williams and Danny Penman.

[JonW]

My pleasure.
Finding Peace is the book that got me started. Excellent choice!
Here's the thing about thoughts. Each of us average 76,000 thoughts a day. The mind doesn't stop whirring around.
Mindfulness is not asking us to stop thinking.
Some thoughts are useful to us. Everything from "I need to remember to call Steve tomorrow" to "I'm not happy in my job - I need to do something about changing it".
Most of our thoughts aren't useful. They are ruminations about the past or worried speculations about the future. It is these thoughts that cause us untold suffering.
You ask: "What if I lose control? How can I survive without thinking? What if I become some kind of thoughtless zombie? What if I give up on my goals and ambitions? What if I become less intelligent or do something stupid?"
Mindfulness isn't going to cause any of that to happen.
With practice we learn to observe thoughts as they arise. If we need to act on them, we will. If we don't need to act on them, we learn to see them purely as thoughts. "Mere secretions of the mind," as Jon Kabat-Zinn says.
Mindfulness teaches us to BE with those thoughts and feelings. In the moment, we learn to be more at ease by living life as it is, rather than as we would wish it to be. Slowly but surely we realise that, when we argue with life, we lose every single time, and suffering wins (as the teacher Adyashanti writes). We learn that inner conflict only comes from our relationship with ourselves. We learn that the primary relationship is the relationship we have with the present moment and we learn to live right there, rather than spend our lives ruminating on the past or speculating about the future.
Over time, mindfulness helps us to form a different kind of relationship with our direct experience - one that is far less conflictive. With regular practice we begin to live more freely, more openly, rather than be endlessly caught up in the gurgling stream of belief, ideas, opinions and harsh self-judgments. Slowly, we break through the limited view of life that causes us so much suffering.
It takes time for the practice to bed down. It requires patience and self-compassion. The most important thing at this stage is to be kind to yourself. You're in good hands with the Williams/Penman book.
And we're here to answer any questions you'd like to ask, assuredly.
Good things,
Jon, Hove

[FeeHutch]

Hello and welcome
Jon, as usual has summed up what I would have written clearly and concisely so I'll just wave and say I started with Finding Peace too

[oingravefeet]

I couldn't have asked for a better answer. Thanks.

[Gareth]

What if I lose control? How can I survive without thinking? What if I become some kind thoughtless of zombie? What if I give up on my goals and ambitions? What if I become less intelligent or do something stupid?

It's all just more thinking.

Practising mindfulness is not going to stop these kind of thoughts, but over time, you will hopefully develop a better relationship with your thoughts. Hundreds of times of day, I remind myself that I'm just thinking again, and I come back to the present moment.

It does take time and practice though, so just be easy on yourself and keep practising. We're here to try and answer your questions as best we can.

[aly4519]

I have the same issue. But with me, it's that I don't know how to let go of the thoughts.

I think phrasing it like "stop resisting" thoughts rather than "start accepting" thoughts actually helps me.

[Matt Y]

Actually, you don't have to let go of your thoughts at all. If you sit down with them, as you might over a cup of tea with a good friend, the thoughts will eventually let go of you.

Lest that seem like some all-to-clever play with words, try it out. Sit down, and just let yourself think. At some point, you'll either:

- find yourself thinking of something else.
- note that you are no longer quite so embedded in the thinking process; in other words, you are now aware that you are thinking
- find yourself focusing on a sound, or body sensation or image or memory
- nod off to sleep
- get bored
- notice that your thinking has slowed down or changed tack
- come to the end of that particular thought, or thought-train
- feel quite calm and peaceful
- get very agitated that none of this is working think that all the suggestions above are bull.

Matt.

[JonW]

In terms of how we deal with difficult thoughts, difficult emotions, challenging situations etc., Cynthia Bourgeault has an interesting take on it. She talks of taking an attitude of "yieldedness" rather than one of "bracing".
When we yield to what is arising, it's as though what is arising is held in the moment. As soon as we brace, the trouble starts.
Jon