Fear and anger in daily life

[Timsen]

Hey!

It's been a while, but I'm turning to this forum again because I once got very good advice from you guys. These days, I find myself getting very angry about the social situation in the cities I visit or live in. I'm currently staying in Montpellier, France, where crime rates are much higher than they are in my hometown in northern Germany. There are pickpockets and young criminals everywhere. The locals advise you to be "alert" and not to do things like using your phone in the Tram because someone might steal it out of your hand. Today, I saw right in front of me in the city center, how two young guys ripped a bag out of a mans hand and started running away. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to stop them because it happened just too quickly. Also, girls that live in southern European countries tell me that they get talked to in the street pretty much everyday. Some men will not leave them alone and might follow them for a while. My girlfriend, who lives in Italy, tells me that it rarely happens that in a whole day not a single weird guy would come up to her and whisper something perverted as he walks past.

Bottom line is: I somehow can't take all this. I feel so angry at it. I'm constantly asking myself questions like "Why would someone do this?" and "Why do there have to be people who make the world a worse place?". We are not talking about people who steal out of hunger or poverty here. They are just adrenaline-seeking and simply don't care how they make other people feel. While I contemplate some anxiety in me that something might happen to me as well, I mostly feel pure anger against the criminals. I sometimes even daydream how I would run after a thief in the street and beat him up for what he did, which is terrible. I don't want to live in anger and fear. Rather, I would like to operate from a perspective of love and kindness.

Does anyone have some good advice for me on how to work on this? Unfortunately, I can't change the situation, so the best thing to do would probably be to simply be at peace with it. To remain positive with these spikes of negativity that happen everyday appears as a big challenge to me. I just don't get why we have to watch out when we get money at the bank machine, why girls are getting molested on a daily basis or why we have to be scared walking home at night. But, like I said, I guess I have to be at peace with it. Otherwise, I'm just another source of negativity, which I don't want to be.

I'm grateful for any response on this.

Regards,
Tim

[paulpsych]

Hi Tim.
Something which is missing in your post is how you use mindfulness practice. Do you find it helps? Do you practice regularly?

[Timsen]

Hi Paul,

yes, I meditate daily. Usually I do 10 minutes of basic guided meditation every morning. I find that it helps me recognize the thoughts and emotions, but I wouldn't say it's helping. Do you think there is something I should include in my practice or should I maybe meditate more?

[JonW]

Hi Tim,
It's perfectly natural that you get angry at these situations.
The problems begin when we get attached to our anger, particularly about situations that we have little or no influence over. That's when suffering begins.
Steven Harrison writes brilliantly about how to unattach from emotions like anger. I'd highly recommend his books, particularly The Question To Life's Answers, Getting To Where You Are and Doing Nothing.
Cheers,
Jon, Hove

[Timsen]

Thanks, Jon! I have to remind myself more often that it's normal to feel emotions like this and that it only gets problematic if I get carried away by negative thoughts. Unfortunately, that happens too often still, with both anger and anxiety.

Maybe I should step up my meditation game a little bit. I read John Kabat-Zinn's "Wherever you go, there you are", where he recommends 45 minutes a day, which I found hard to implement into my day so far. How much do you guys meditate, and what do you recommend for the average person? If you do more than me, do you think that there is a remarkable difference in meditating 10-15 min or up to an hour a day?

[JonW]

Hi Timsen,
If memory serves, Kabat-Zinn recommends 45 minutes per day during the 8-week course.
These days I average 30 minutes a day, sometimes less, sometimes more. But I try to make it a daily thing.
Kabat-Zinn makes the point that, while 10 minutes is better than nothing, it doesn't offer too much opportunity to get past feelings of boredom, frustration etc. But he also makes the point that longer doesn't necessarily mean better. I assume he was talking about meditation when he said that.
Cheers,
Jon

[piedwagtail91]

"Unfortunately, I can't change the situation, so the best thing to do would probably be to simply be at peace with it. "
you sort of answered your own question !
you can't change the situation but when you become aware that you're angry try to let go of the thoughts and be in your body with the sensations the anger brings.
or a short breathing space to perhaps allow you to see things differently.

on the meditation practice, if i practice yoga then i do 20 minutes formal meditation after 5 minutes of pranayama after the yoga, the yoga is an hour mindful movement, then i do 1-1.5 hours mindful nordic walk.
i don't sleep too well so get up early.

on days when i have a yoga class or do no yoga i do a 40 minute body scan or 40 minute sitting.
at night i usually do 5 minutes pranayama them 15 minutes of loving kindness/ self- compassion and 5 minutes trataka.
a bit o.t.t. but times are stressful.

[Gareth]

The anger is real, and it is a part of you. Wanting to get rid of it will only create a conflict within you and be bad for you in the long run. As usual it comes down to acceptance; its often a fiendishly difficult thing to achieve so be easy on yourself.

As for how long to meditate, then I reckon the right amount is different for each individual person. I practise for 30 minutes a day, and that feels about right for me. I stick to it pretty religiously too. Why don't you try adding some more time to your meditations and see if it helps you achieve a bit more equanimity?

[Timsen]

Guys, thank you so much for your answers - I really appreciate it! Again it gave me some great insights. I am going to study the "gateway of acceptance", as Eckhart Tolle calls it, a little more, since that is precisely what I have to do here: Accept the situation. To embrace anger as a part of oneself is no easy task, but I believe it's the right way.

I meditate in the morning, where I often even find it hard to sit down for 10 minutes because I'm so excited to start the day. I'm going to try to add 20 minutes in the evening though, I think this might work. Especially in this second daily practice, I'm going to focus on compassion and acceptance to whatever is.