Woah!

[1Daveatatime]

I have just had a profound experience. It was during my nightly sitting meditation (guided by JKZ), just a few minutes ago. It was at the part at which I was focusing awareness on thoughts. Everything was going as it usually does, where I was getting caught up in some thoughts, bringing awareness back, (attempting non-judgment) and able to see some of them for what they are, as passing events in the field of consciousness. Then I had a string of moments where I was able to see all of the thoughts in a row very clearly as just thoughts and sort of naturally focused the awareness on the awareness itself, and BOOM. It was suddenly an experience unlike any other I've ever had.

Everything kind of zoomed away into a tiny spec (not visually, but also visually, too, if that makes sense), and my body briefly felt almost gone. So, everything was far but also there and "here." This is all in an instant. It startled me, actually, and I was semi-gradually (but I think it was actually pretty quickly) back to thoughts and physical sensations. My heart was pounding fast and I was pretty amped up from the shock of it. I was able to stay composed and not open my eyes or move or anything and finish the MP3, but barely.

This is the kind of thing I would have called you a fruitcake for saying only a few months ago, and wouldn't have really believed. I just passed my 9 week mark of daily meditating, and was honestly hoping to have some sort of deep experience at some point. So much for non-striving? But no, I feel like I am, at least sometimes, able to accept what *is* in the moment without looking for more, and I feel like maybe I was doing that while this thing happened. I don't know what to make of it. And, of course, the skeptic that I tend to be, I am questioning whether it was some sort of hallucination or what. Either way, it was intense and fascinating, and am kind of sitting here slackjawed and in awe.

Am I tripping? What do you suppose that was?

I appreciate any feedback as I don't have a face-to-face community of meditators, and kind of consider you all, as well as the authors of the books I'm reading, as teachers.

Dave

[JonW]

Hi Dave.
Non-duality writers/teachers would probably describe that as an awakening experience.
If you haven't read about non-duality, Jeff Foster's books would be a good place to start. But there's plenty more I could recommend if you were interested.
All best,
Jon, Hove

[Gareth]

I can definitely remember a few moments like that from my early meditation practice. Just the realisation that a thought is just a thought and seeing that there is a part of you watching those thoughts is quite a profound thing.

I'm glad you had a nice meditation; this sounds like progress for sure. It pays to remember that it won't always be like this though. Life has a habit of throwing up difficulties, and sometimes meditation is hard, the mind is all over the place.

See this topic I wrote a while back: viewtopic.php?f=4&t=3717

[1Daveatatime]

Gareth - good words on expectation, thanks. I did immediately try to remind myself, after that powerful experience during that meditation, that it may not be like that again anytime soon if ever, and to practice beginner's mind and all. But, unsurprisingly, during both of my formal meditations today, much as I was attempting to focus on just the moment(s), I did catch myself almost *trying* to get there again. To no avail, of course. Still, much of the meditations were good anyway. I feel as though my concentration overall is improving somewhat. Increments.

Jon - I have read a very small amount about dual vs nondual, and am definitely interested in checking out a Jeff Foster book. Could you recommend a title of his in particular to start? My list of authors-on-these-subjects-to-read is piling up - which is great since practically all I'm interested in these days is meditation and mindfulness.

Thanks, guys.

Dave

[JonW]

Hi Dave,
Jeff Foster's The Deepest Acceptance is a good starting point.
Other non-duality books I would highly recommend:
Perfect Brilliant Stillness by David Carse
I Am That by Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj
Be As You Are: The Teachings of Sri Ramana Maharshi by David Godman and Sri Maharshi
The Way of Liberation: A Practical Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment by Adyashanti
Only That: The Life And Teaching of Sailor Bob Adamson by Sailor Bob Adamson and Kalyani Lawry
Painting The Sidewalk With Water by Joan Tollifson
The World is My Mirror by Richard Bates
Essence Revisited by Darryl Bailey
The Open Secret by Tony Parsons (the other Tony Parsons)
The Wonder Of Presence by Toni Packer
Cheers,
Jon

[1Daveatatime]

That's quite a list. I'll start with Foster and chip away, thank you!