Some frustrations & questions

[MelliOBrien]

Hey Dave,

Welcome! There is alot of great comments and support here already. Oli, you took the words right out of my mouth : )

I'd just like to briefly comment on the paradox of happiness that happens with mindfulness.

The thing is that mindfulness practiced over time does bring forth what i would say is a wholeness and connectedness that is beyond the polarities of negative and positive emotions. It seems to be something that is an innate part of our deepest nature. It can be there even as other emotions move through. I've felt it, for example, even as I grieved the loss of someone. There is a tendency for people to not talk about this wholeness since it could easily become something we start to strive for and make into a goal (and any sense of striving will only take you out of the present moment and away from this intrinsic wholeness).

It's something that seems to bubble forth quietly over time with practice. But then again, it can be here in an instant too. Its can be here right now. The funny thing is that there is nothing you need to do to make it happen or get it. It is what is deepest in you so therefore the 'way' to it is to be with what ever is arising here and now as fully and deeply as you can.

I like to address this because it has become a tendency in mindful circles for this to not be discussed and i just want to be real about this. It's a tricky topic but the truth is that for many, mindfulness does bring forth this sense of wholeness and contentedness over time. It also liberates us from much of our ruminative thinking so that striving, stress, struggle and depression, anxiety, self consciousness do gradually diminish and sometimes completely lose their hold over us.

It's absolutely and radically transformed my entire world from the inside out. It happened gradually but at times there were big breakthroughs and shifts that also seemed to change things quickly.

Mindfulness is about absolutely 100% being with what is here and what is now. Its about as JKZ would say 'living our lives as if they really mattered' and that means the whole gosh darn mess of what ever is here in your present moment. It's so simple but it sure seems to take practice!

As we get more able to stay present with it all, without striving or resistance - we are more able to abide our own deepest nature.

I wish you all the best with your practice. You have support here.

Warmly,

Melli

[1Daveatatime]

Thank you so much - everyone, really. I am continuously amazed and grateful at how supportive and genuinely nice you people are. I am feeling more hopeful today. So, for me at least, it is easier to practice this thing (not that I have stopped at any point, it just feels difficult on emotional storm days).

I have another question, and I'm not sure if I should start another topic with it or ask within this thread. I'll ask here, and you guys can tell me if It should've been its own topic:

I have started, sometimes, while doing the body scan, or while focusing on the body as a whole in the sitting meditation, using this imagery of a sort of plasma cloud (best I can describe it) that goes to whichever region I'm attempting to focus on. I don't know why, it just kind of happened naturally. Is this something you would suggest I keep doing if it seems to help? Or, not so much?

[JonW]

Hi 1dave,
Visualization can be very helpful, especially when one is beginning mindfulness practice. When I began meditating, I found it useful to imagine thoughts as clouds or bubbles. Gradually, as my practice became more grounded, the visualisations naturally dropped away.
If the plasma cloud works for you at this stage, I'd stick with it.
Cheers,
Jon, Hove

[Matt Y]

Hi Dave,

I'd agree with Jon. Visualisation can be very helpful. It can work as an aid to focus and may help to maintain interest, particularly if it's something that arises spontaneously, as it seems to have done in your case. Visualisations that arise in this way can sometimes contain surprising insights too.

Matt.

[1Daveatatime]

Excellent - thanks! Plasma cloud, it is, then. Ha.